My New Universe

Disclaimer:

I don't own OHSHC (Ouran High School Host Club)

Though I do admit, in my fantasies, I wish they all belonged to me

Dedicated to:

F4T3.T

for always being there for me :)

Enjoy!

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The rain trickled slowly down the window, in no hurry to reach the bottom. Looking out at the world through the million racing rain drops, everything became magnified, showing me the dreary outdoors up close and from various points of view. Dark clouds covered the usually blue skies, making an odd collage of various shades of grey, blue, and black.

It defined me perfectly, being the horrible person I am: black, sinful, unloved.

Yet through the darkness, a ray of moonlight still shone through; thin, bleak, and beautifully golden.

Gold, I thought, They were golden-brown, weren't they? His eyes...no, their eyes.

Hikaru and Kaoru's.

"Haruhi?"

Tick, tock, tick, tock. Time passed by slowly as I laid face-down on my bed, useless and immobile, only able to twist my head to the right to stare aimlessly out my window. I didn't care about what was happening anymore.

The house could burn down, the sky could fall, and the world could end, but nothing could bring me back from this endless abyss of despair. Perhaps having the world end might even be a form of sympathy that God could give to me.

And I would deserve it.

That and whatever else He's willing to drop on me as punishment.

"Cheer up Haruhi! You'll get that fish next time!"

The water reminded me of Kaoru...the clouds reminded me of Hikaru...Everything and everywhere, their presences continue to overwhelm me. Ever since I entered Ouran, they've always been around, hovering relentlessly, always overexcited about what we were supposed to do each day at Host Club. After being around them so long, I guess its natural to associate the things around me with them too.

But I don't want to, not anymore.

I rolled over onto my back to stare at the ceiling, but then covered my arms to block my swollen red eyes from those collages of pictures, OUR pictures, that still remained nicely pinned on there.

I could still see them clearly in my mind: their mischievous golden-brown eyes, smooth auburn hair, and all of their other distinctly separate aspects despite their overall identical appearance. I could also picture them, tussling each other's hair and then starting some little argument only to end it in their standard "twincest" love-ending.

Maybe this was my punishment; to continue to live this worthless life of mine.

Alone.

Without hearing Hikaru's chuckles beside my ear, Kaoru's hmphs at my choice of attire, and their silent cheers from beside me during our final exams.

But even more than that, to know that I have to live without the BOTH of them...Why does God have to be this cruel?

And as another tear trickled down my face, I knew that it had nothing to do with God. That it was my fault, and mine alone.

But what did they do?

They were my everything, and so was I to them. I was the only person that they'd accepted into their little world of two, the only girl who could tell them apart, and the one who told them that it was okay to be different yet the same.

"Haruhi? Guess who?"

I forced out a hard laugh. To me, it was easy to tell them apart; I didn't understand why others weren't able to. Maybe it's because I know them more, or because I'm more observant, but it didn't matter which way their hair was parted, or if they intentionally dyed their hair to make themselves more distinctly separate, I could always tell. They knew better than to try the "Which one is Hikaru?" game on me now. But I doubt they understood the real reason...

Hikaru, I thought, trying to blink out my tears to see that one picture in the center of the collage. Hikaru, Hikaru, Hikaru...Come back.

His smiles were the one thing that could brighten up my day in a second. His chest the only thing I clung to while sobbing my eyes out. His voice the one thing I couldn't live a day without hearing.

All gone .

"I'll always be with you."

Why couldn't you keep that promise? Why am I the only one left?

Because I'm the one who made them walk that unstable bridge, the one whose hat flew too far and couldn't bother walking across a classroom-length to get it.

So they did.

I can't remember much as to what happened after the bridge crumbled down. Thoughts had rampaged through my head, earning me a place in the hospital and kept me in a lifeless state for the first week after the incident.

"Just leave it there."

Why couldn't I have said that? Then maybe this tragedy wouldn't have happened.

Another slice of guilt ripped open my broken heart as a quiet sob escaped my throat. They were too much, too important in my life to be ripped away so suddenly. There's no one I can cry to now, no one I can laugh at now, no one I can love now.

"You're like a long-lost sister to me Haruhi, and the best thing that ever happened to me."

I forced down a small whimper.

Family, that was what we were. I was born before the both of them, the oldest of our new trio. I was the responsible one, the person who stopped them when things got too far, and the one who was supposed to be the strongest. I can't keep on crying, no matter how much I wanted to. It's already been a month. Kaoru wouldn't have wanted to see his "older sister" like this.

"Come here you beautiful crybaby."

And Hikaru. My supposed "little brother" Hikaru. He didn't know about my feelings about him, and I never got a chance to make them clear either. I always kept on a normal face while I was around him, because it usually meant that Kaoru was around too. I couldn't do it, confess to Hikaru, because I didn't want to separate the twins. If Hikaru and I got together, Kaoru would be lonely. If Hikaru rejected me, it would become awkward between us, and Kaoru would have to be the poor middle person to keep our family together. I couldn't do that do them, and so I buried my love, deep deep down.

It never had the chance to resurface again.

But I have to try and pull myself together now. I can't leap into Hikaru embrace anymore. I can't have him sing me asleep anymore. I can't rely on him for everything anymore.

Never again.

Never again will I have the twins smile at me, laugh with me, and hug me just to put a smile on my face.

They became so immersed in my life. In their small world of two, I became their third. And in my own little one-person bubble, they expanded it into a universe, filled it with not only them, but all the others of the host club. They were still special though, holding their own galaxies in my new universe.

That universe had never seemed darker.

The first rays of dawn began to break through the storm of clouds, a reminder that despite the darkness of the world, still the sun would rise again.

I have to try and get a hold of my life now. Look up and forward, towards a new future.

For Kaoru.

For Hikaru.

Life goes on.

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What did you think? Please give me some feedback, anything is fine :)

I'm so sorry...I don't know why, but everything I've been writing recently has been doom-gloom. Sad, I know ):
I'm not intentionally making them die...I love these characters very much! It's just...things came out that way and I couldn't stop my writing―er, typing―hand from preventing the course of the story.

In here, Haruhi is more emotional and more immersed in the Hitachin twin's lives. She also loves Hikaru, but he doesn't know that, and evidently does not find out D:

Hope you guys liked it! Enjoy might be too much...it IS supposed to be sad after all XD

Me and my sad/twisted plots...Review please! I promise to make the next one happier :D