Fic - Relativity, Too
Title: Relativity, Too
Pairing: Smoker/Ace
Rating: PG-13
Notes: LONG LONG FORGOTTEN AWAITED sequel to Relativity! Otherwise Known As That One Fic Where Smoker is Zoro's Uncle! … OKAY STFU I KNOW NO ONE REMEMBERS SUPER HUGE thanks to Alena and written for the enjoyment of Snarks . also, lovin for tripoverhercats for some mama!Zoro inspiration and I -think- one of the originators of... the name
Staring down at the Den Den Mushi in his hand as if it was the still-beating heart of a particularly noxious Sea King, Smoker reluctantly called in the number he knew by heart. He did not want to speak to her, but his honour wouldn't let him rest until he told her. She had a right to know.
"Thank you for calling the Heavenly Gale, this is Jonathon speaking, how may I direct your call?"
"Get me the Admiral. NOW!" Smoker barked into the receiver, startling the lightly slumbering pirate resting across his knees.
Ace blinked sleepily up at him as he fumed. Incoherent, terrified babbling and frantic scrambling sounded over the Den Den Mushi at Smoker's demand. The pirate sat up further, slithering out of the other man's lap to peer curiously at the receiver. Smoker ignored him, scowling. Ace frowned, then stealthily worked a questing hand down the marine's pants. His hand was quickly slapped away.
"The Admiral, sir, she's, uh... indisposed at the moment," Jonathon babbled. "Can I-"
"Get. Me. The. Admiral. Now."
"Sir, yes sir!"
Smoker valiantly resisted the urge to slam the Den Den Mushi's receiver down on Ace's head as the pirate's wandering hands returned with a vengeance. He must have growled his frustration out loud because the thin voice on the other end yelped, "I'm sorry... s-sir! I'm trying to page her again. She- oh! Thank God! Ma'am, it's-" The cadet, presumably Jonathon, was abruptly cut off.
"Still terrorizing hapless young men, I see," a woman's rich voice all but purred over the line. "Really, Constantine, I-"
"That's enough, Anastasia," Smoker ground out, cutting her off in mid-sentence. He smacked Ace hard across the back of the head, hoping to stave off the inevitable; he could practically hear the gears in the pirate's head spinning even as he opened his mouth, eyes boggling wide.
Ace was not so easily deterred. "Constantine? Constantine?!" he howled, wracked with laughter. He was shaking so hard, tears of mirth running down his cheeks, that he rolled off the edge of the bed to land with a loud thunk. The fall did little to deter him, if the muffled snickers and breathless gasps of "Constantine!" from the baseboards were any indication.
"Oh, ho, do I hear a guest with you, Smoker?" The sheer amount of derision she managed to infuse into the name was an awe inspiring feat that only an elite few could achieve. Smoker could feel her raising an eyebrow on her end of the line. "He wouldn't happen to be a particular pirate I've heard so much about, now would he? Hhmm?"
Speak of the devil… Ace's head popped up in interest and he clambered back up onto the mattress. Smoker put a hand on his face and shoved, attempting to dislodge him as he lunged for the Den Den Mushi. He cursed soundly and with great creativity as his hand passed through flesh turned fire. His arm billowed into smoke two seconds too late and the pirate snatched the receiver from his hand, crowing his victory.
"Portgas D. Ace, ma'am, at your service," he spoke into the receiver with a cheerful politeness that belied the darting and scrambling about the room he was currently engaged in to keep control of the Den Den Mushi. "And you might be...?"
"How I do love a man with manners." Her voice was silky smooth as she chuckled. "Marine Admiral Damodred Anastasia, Commander of the Golden Triumph Fleet. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I'm so glad my baby brother has finally taken up with a fine, upstanding young gentleman like yourself."
Seething with incredulous rage, Smoker growled and charged the pirate and the Den Den Mushi he held. "WHY YOU-!"
Ace clucked his tongue, shaking his head sadly as he spun out of the way of the grasping hands and swirling smoke, "I know what you mean! Younger brothers- can't live with them, can't live without- ERK!"
Smoker's hand wrapped firmly around his throat effectively cut off that particularly obnoxious oxymoron. "Enough, Anastasia," he sighed into the recovered receiver, suddenly resigned; he just wanted it over with. Soon. Now, preferably. "I was calling for a reason. The pirate Roronoa Zoro is Terren. Your son is alive." He braced for the inevitable tirade that was about to come over the line.
"Oh, I know," she replied, slightly bored, "Was that all? You don't call me for almost a year and then out of no where you call me about my son? He's been alive for the last twenty-one years, Constantine; nothing new there." She spoke slowly, as if to an idiot of Straw Hat's caliber.
Glaring back and forth at the Den Den Mushi and the suddenly innocent looking pirate was doing nothing for his rapidly disintegrating temper. "Anastasia. You told me he was gone; no longer with us." He grit the last bit out through teeth clenched so tightly the enamel was starting to crack.
Anastasia snorted delicately over the line. "He was gone, dear. I don't know if you noticed, but he was missing for a while."
Smoker had the distinct impression that she would have pat him on the head and given him a cookie for his troubles if she had been present. Ace merely grinned at him and squirmed in his grasp suggestively.
Rolling his eyes, he gave the pirate a good shake; which of course, just made Ace smirk all the more. Smoker sighed, out of the patience needed to deal with both of them.
"Fine. Goodbye, Anastasia." He made to slam the receiver back down on the Den Den Mushi cradle.
"Oh, no you don't!" The sharp command halted his hand in mid swing; the only thing worse than Admiral-voice was big-sister-voice. She continued serenely, "You haven't come to see me in years, and I haven't seen my boy since he was a little sprout. Come visit me. We'll have a family reunion. You can bring your boyfriend; my son's a pirate, too, you know!"
His eyebrow twitched spasmodically, "Anastasia..." At any moment, he felt he would burst the blood vein in his forehead. "First off, he is not my... that.." He took a moment to growl at the sniggering pirate. "And I am not visiting. I have duties-"
"Constantine, you will come visit me." Her voice was suddenly steel.
"No." He knew he sounded petulant, but couldn't help himself.
"As your ranking officer, I am ordering you to return to base, Captain Smoker." Anastasia paused, then pulled out the big guns. "Don't make me come down there myself, Constantine."
Smoker ground his teeth, dug in his heels and... gave in to the inevitable. "Fine."
:"And of course you'll come too, won't you, Ace honey?" The switch in tones was drastic.
Ace wiggled out of Smoker's grip to smile charmingly at the receiver, even though she could not see him. "Of course, ma'am. I wouldn't miss it for the world!" He grinned unrepentantly at the scowling marine beside him.
Anastasia let out a light peel of laughter, "Oh, honey, you simply must call me Ana!"
"Of course, Ana!" Smoker glowered at him.
"Oh, and Constantine, dear," Anastasia purred, "Remember, it's a winter island. Bring your hat. Don't try to pretend you lost it, because I know you keep it in the back of your closet next to your spare gloves. I'll be waiting." The click as the Den Den Mushi line closed was as ominous to Smoker as the cocking of a gun. Now there was literally no arguing with her; not that he ever really had a chance to begin with.
"So when do we leave?" Ace asked cheerfully, just before Smoker tackled him.
-THE ENDZ!-
… OKAY FINE P TBC IN THE EPIC TRILOGY FINALE!
-Tro
--
Okay, here is a mutilated link to the pic of Ana P because I am SO not above drawing fanart for myself!:
reverseangel . net / art / ana-colour . jpg