isclaimer: I do not own any of the people or places I am writing about. Nor do I own the wonderful song that gave me this idea.
Story talk: This fic is based off the Linkin Park song, Breaking The Habit. Although I had to change some of the lyrics but that isn't until later. I'm sorry if the lyrics in the fic are confusing. They are kind of in the middle of every thing. The lyrics go with the thoughts that follow them. Tell me if it is hard to understand and I will fix it.
Authoress Ramble: I just got the Linkin Park CD (Meteora) a few days ago (actually by now it's been about a year. This is a repost btw) and was (of course) listening to it. Nearly every one of the songs could be H/D. I was really excited and I got about twenty fic ideas. I will probably only use two of the ideas I got, maybe three. The plot bunny has made a nice comfy home in my head and I don't think it wants to leave. I know I don't want it to. D
Chapter one
Breaking the Habit
"Hello Mr. Potter. Glad you could make it."
"Hello Professor." Harry replied as he sat down in Dumbledores' office.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news." Harry stayed silent. "Firstly, Voldemort has strengthened his side immensely. The war will be coming soon and you are going to need to start preparing for the battle." Harry just nodded.
"Harry," Dumbledore said. He paused, trying to think of the best way to word this. "When Remus headed home from his visit yesterday, he was spotted, by a death eater." Harrys' eyes widen and he's breathe stopped. "He was taken to Voldemort." Harry started to rapidly shake his head.
"No, no no no." he muttered quietly.
"We sent someone as soon as possible, but it was too late. Harry, I'm sorry."
"No no no no No NO NO!" Harrys' voice rose until he was shouting. Tears were streaming down his face, as Dumbledore walked around his desk. The old man knelt down, beside the chair Harry was in. He reached out a hand to comfort him, but Harry didn't want comfort from him. How could the person, that caused him to need comfort, give him comfort? He pushed the professor away from him and ran out the door.
He ran down the steps to the corridor, and kept running. He didn't know where he was going but the running helped. The burning pain in his legs and lungs was a comfort. Usually his pain came from a razor, but he didn't have that right now.
Harry kept his mind on running; not thinking about anything. Especially what he had just been told. He mind started to drift towards those thoughts. Harry closed his eyes and shook his head.
" ...no no no no no." Suddenly he ran into something solid.
"Harry?" A voice said. The raven-haired boy had no idea who it was but he clung to the body and cried. He still didn't let himself think about what had happened. But he cried nonetheless. The bodys' hand started rubbing Harrys' back, soothingly.
After a few minutes the crying seized and reality hit Harry. He had no idea who he was with. Harry quickly pushed himself away from the body, and looked up to see none other than Draco Malfoy. Harrys' eyes widened in shock.
How could he have done that? Falling into the arms of some unknown person? He could be dead right now. But I'm not. He thought to himself.
"Why?" He asked softly.
"I was going to ask you the same thing." Malfoy said. There was no hate in his voice.
"Why do you care? Why aren't you laughing? You are supposed to be cruel, and taunting me."
"I was getting there. I just had to get over . . . the disgust of having you touch me. I'm over it. " the hatred had returned. "Now if you will excuse me, Potter, I do not have time to listen about your boring, obviously, fucked up life. And whatever happened is probably your own fault anyway" With that Malfoy left.
Memories consume
Like opening a wound
I'm picking me apart again.
Harry ran as fast as he could to his room. Slamming the door shut once he got there. What he didn't know was that Malfoy did the same thing.
When he was safely locked in his room he let his thoughts cascaded over him. Remus had come to visit Harry that day. He wouldn't have been here had it not been for him. It was his fault Moony was dead. Just like with Cedric and Sirius.
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room.
Unless I try to start again
Harry picked up his razor, he set it against his skin. Just the feel of the blade there was a comfort. The feel of the cold metal, the knowledge that soon the pain would come. Harry breathed deeply closing his eyes, enjoying the comfort it brought. But soon it wasn't enough. It was never enough.
Quickly the teen ran the blade across his forearm and sighed with relief. The pain was wonderful, but it faded. And again it wasn't enough. Suddenly the cut wasn't deep enough, it wasn't bleeding enough. He ran the blade across the same spot over and over and over again, until the blood ran in a steady stream down his arm.
I don't want to be the one
the battles always chose
cause inside I realize
that I'm the one confused.
I deserve this. He thought as he watched the blood drip off his fingertips, onto the floor. I killed them all. How am I supposed to save strangers if I can't even save the ones I love?
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I don't know what's worht fight for
or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don' t mean
Draco sat on his bed, his face buried in his hands and screamed.
"Father would kill me, if he found out. Or worse he would kill him. I couldn't take it if Harry was dead. "
Draco had fallen for Harry two months into their sixth year. Harry had come back looking amazing, and Draco couldn't help but notice. At first he denied it like crazy, but later he came to accept it, and the fact that nothing could ever happen.
Lucius would be livid if he found out. Draco thought about using the excuse that it was all an act, but that would get Voldemort involved and endanger Harry. The blonde wasn't sure that it was worth the battle. He didn't know if he wanted to face that war. He didn't even know if Harry would consider him.
"Yeah, right." Draco said aloud. "Especially not after tonight. Why did I have to say that stuff. I didn't mean any of it. I had to start a fight. I had to start being a bastard."
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I don't know how I got this way
"I'm not doing it any more." Harry said aloud. "I don't know how I let it get so bad."
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"I'm not doing it any more" Draco said aloud. " I've let it go to far." Draco said as he got up and walked out of the room.
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I know it's not alright
"It's not right that all these people are dying because of me. They would all be alive if I wasn't."
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"It's not right, I shouldn't be hiding like this. I need to stand up to my father. Harry needs help. I want to help him." Draco was nearly to Harrys' room.
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I'm breaking the habit tonight
"It's over. I'm not doing it any more." Harry said, as he set the blade against his wrist. "IT'S OVER!" He yelled.
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"It's over. I'm not hiding any more." Draco reached the portrait to Harrys' room and heard him scream. Panic rushed through Dracos' body. "Harry." He gasped.
Running the last few feet to the portrait Draco screamed the password. The portrait swung open, and Draco ran through. The sight that met his eyes shocked him.
Blood had pooled around Harry's feet. There was a cut on his upper forearm and one on his wrist. Both were bleeding profusely. Harry had a razor held up to his other wrist. He was about to bring it across his skin when Draco yelled.
"Don't!" Harry paused and looked over.
"Malfoy? What do you care? I disgust you remember? But that makes sense. Hell I disgust myself."
"You don't disgust me, I lied, just please don't." The blonde cried, his voice full of desperation.
"Why so more people can die. Everything will be better if I'm gone." Harry turned back to his wrist.
"I won't."
"WHY THE HELL DO YOU CARE? YOU'RE MY ENEMY, YOU SHOULDN'T BE HELPING ME! WHY!" Harry screamed at the top of his lungs. Then his eyes lost focus and he fell, Draco caught him, right before he hit the ground.
"Because I love you."