A/N – Part of Frozen angst challenge - Day 3: Sir Jorgenbjorgen.
"Now, that's something I didn't expect to see again." Gerda said as she closed the door to Elsa's bedroom. She had knocked a few times and since nobody answered, she decided to let herself in. The queen was not yet inside, probably. When she entered she was surprised to find her sitting cross-legged on her bed, with her look lost on a stuffed animal in her hands. But she noticed it was not just any stuffed animal, it was her stuffed puffin. The old toy was dusty and quite battered.
"Gerda?" Elsa said looking up, surprised to realise the housekeeper was entering her room. It was not common for Gerda not to knock, 'Maybe she had' she thought to herself.
"Hello, your majesty. My apologies for startling you. I thought you were not in here yet, or that you had heard the knocks." she replied truthfully.
"It's fine, Gerda. I think I just lost myself in my thoughts for a second." Elsa looked Gerda leave a tray on the small table by the door, when she remembered the woman had said something when she entered "not expecting to see what, again?"
Gerda kept quiet for a second, she saw Elsa must have been completely lost in her thoughts not to realise she was casually playing with a toy in front of a servant. "Well, what I am seeing right now, your majesty." She tried to hide the amusement in her voice.
"I do not understand." Elsa seemed puzzled.
"May I be blunt, your majesty?" she decided it would be easier to talk to Elsa if she dropped the formalities.
"Of course, Gerda! How many times have I told you it's not necessary to be so formal? Especially, if it's just the two of us." She didn't like the formalities that her position required sometimes. With certain people it was necessary; but with those who had raised her, together with her parents, it was silly. "Now tell me, simply, what didn't you expect to see again?"
"You, my dear. Playing with your stuffed puffin, sitting on the bed… with a sad look in your beautiful eyes, if I might add." Gerda resolved there was no use in pretending everything was fine with Elsa, she could see the longing look in her eyes, and asked "Is everything all right?"
Elsa suddenly realised she was in front of her castle's housekeeper behaving like a child. She promptly hid the stuffed animal behind her bended leg and apologised "Oh, Right. It's not really regal for me to be seen with a toy, is it?" She sheepishly smiled and added "I should put it away."
"No, please, Elsa! That's not what I meant" she felt a sudden pang of guilt for making Elsa feel out of place in her own room. "Please don't think about my comment as something negative. I've got to admit it's endearing really" she felt the need to let her know the truth and added "I'm glad I caught you unaware, I was able to see you play with it again."
"Endearing? Don't you mean pathetic?" she asked. She felt ashamed for being caught playing with an old toy. Even though, she was not exactly playing with it, just remembering. "I should have left him in the garret."
"But you didn't…" Gerda knew where the old toy had been put away since the beginning; Elsa had asked her to take it to the garret with the rest of her childhood stuff. "…maybe you needed it back?"
"I shouldn't need him," Elsa admitted. "I'm the Queen after all".
"Queens and Kings have feelings too, my dear." She opted to treat Elsa like she always did when she was feeling blue as a child. With a tender voice and sweet nicknames. "It's normal to feel sad and need help."
"Yeah, probably you're right. But grown-ups don't usually need the help of a stuffed animal." She decided to grab Sir Jorgenbjorgen in her hands again, after all there was no point in pretending in front of Gerda. The woman knew exactly how she felt towards the little puffin.
Gerda sympathetically smiled and walked towards the bed. she made a nod with her head asking Elsa's permission to sit beside her, to which Elsa nodded. She sat to her left and smoothed her dress a little. "Most adults spent their childhoods surrounded by friends and family, dear. If they'd have been on their own, I bet we'd see every single person walking with a toy in their hands." The comment was meant to be reassuring for the young monarch but Gerda noticed how her face changed. "Oh, I'm sorry, your majesty. I was out of place, it was not my intention…"
Elsa unexpectedly interrupted her by putting her head on her right shoulder. "It's fine Gerda. You're family… You can say whatever you want." Gerda felt her heart get warmer at the young woman's statement. But she felt guilty for openly showing the difference with Elsa's and everyone else's upbringing.
"Still, it was out of place for me to say something like that." Since Elsa seemed to have fallen in her trance once again she chose to inquire a little more on her mood. "What brought the little guy back? If I may ask."
Elsa looked up, raising her head from the old woman's shoulder "Nothing, it was nothing. I shouldn't have…"
"Are you feeling lonely without your sister? Her trip has delayed hasn't it?" Gerda interrupted.
Elsa smiled; the woman always seemed to know what was wrong with her. Although it was true she had become easier to read after the thaw too. "She sent a letter. Kristoff and her won't be home for another week or so. I know it sounds silly but I got used to her presence. It's only been a month since her departure and, even when I knew it was a month-long journey, it still bothers me. I spent most part of my life alone, a couple of weeks shouldn't be a problem. But somehow…"
"Somehow… even after seeing dozens of people in meetings, at the end of the day you feel lonely." Gerda completed for her. "Is that why you felt you needed your old friend?"
"How can you read me so well?" she giggled.
"Well, for starters, I've known you since you took your first breath. But to be honest, I've been paying attention for a few days. You've withdrawn in the last few weeks, I was wondering if you were feeling ill; but today, you asked your food to be delivered to your room and I got worried. And then when I saw you with…" she stopped to think for a few seconds "…Sir Jorgen, was it? It all made sense."
"Sir Jorgenbjorgen." Elsa corrected, smiling at the sweet gesture of remembering the name -or at least part of it- "You remember?"
"How could I not. I still remember bringing it to you, your mother sent me with it. You named it immediately. You looked so happy…" Gerda lost herself in her memories for a little while and then added "I also remember it going through a difficult surgery one night."
"I thought he was beyond repair. Thank you for being so patient with me that night." Elsa recalled Gerda giving her instructions through a frozen door in the night. "It mustn't be easy to teach how to sew behind closed doors." She said looking at the Gerda in the eyes.
"You were always a good student, dear. It was no problem…" Gerda seemed to remember something and suddenly asked Elsa "What happened that night, if I may ask? I got close to the door because you were sobbing. When I tried to open it, it was tightly closed. Then you asked for my help to teach you how to sew, but you never explained to me what happened to it."
Elsa was motionless with her head down for a few minutes, not taking her eyes from the old puffin. After a while Gerda was convinced Elsa was not going to answer when suddenly Elsa started talking about the past; something which was totally uncommon for her, even with her dear sister. "I… I was being stupid and rebellious with papa for no reason. He was, for some reason, convinced I was doing better. He was sure I was able to control my ice so much better than ever before. I was happy at first; but then, he started talking about everything he was planning on me to do. Accompanying him to meetings, be present at court, share family meals, etc. I got worried and anxious all of a sudden, I few hours before he showed up I had had a bad episode with my magic, something that made all of those scenarios impossible."
"I'm sorry to interrupt, dear. But if you had had a bad episode with your magic, why was the King so convinced you were getting better?" Gerda asked with interest. It was true that Kai and her knew about Elsa's ice magic from the beginning, but that didn't mean King Agdar shared every detail of Elsa's problems with them.
"There was nothing I wanted more than to make papa proud of me; and I always knew that the ice took all the attention from anything else I was able to achieve, making it little in comparison. For the longest time I tried to hide how badly the ice was controlling my life, but it only resulted in papa thinking I was doing fine. He thought I had gained the control he desired so much and so, he offered me the life I should have been living as a princess. It was not common for me to rebel against papa but I got mad at him. I told him he was making a terrible mistake. I tried to explain, without telling him I had lied about being in control, that he was making rush decisions. We argued for what seemed like hours…"
"You had an argument with your father? That seems hard to believe."
"I was tired. Papa was tired too. I could see it in his eyes, he was trying his best to convince me but I didn't listen. I kept arguing with him… My emotions got the best of me and the next thing I knew was that I had turned my room in a winter land. Papa looked at me with so much disappointment, he had come to tell me how proud he was of me and I proved him wrong by freaking out." Elsa looked down to her hands again; she seemed remorseful. Gerda could see it was hard for her to remember her father's look. "He said I was right. I was 'clearly not ready'. He turned around and silently left the room."
Gerda considered what Elsa had told her for a little bit, "I can see now why you were so upset that night; you've always tried to avoid confrontations. But I can't pinpoint what it has to do with little Jorgenbjorgen" she finally said.
"The ice covered most of the things over my vanity, including Sir Jorgenbjorgen. I was so upset I desperately wanted to curl in bed with him and cry my eyes out." Every time Elsa mentioned something which made her seem weak or fragile, Gerda could see how she made herself look smaller. "Only half his body was covered with the ice, so I thought I could grab him before the ice melted… I pulled until I heard the wool tearing. I got worried and more ice spread around the room." She laughed humourlessly. "That's when I got angry with myself. I started punching the ice to free him and I cut my hands with the sharp ice spikes around him. After sometime, I was able to free Sir Jorgenbjorgen. My hands hurt and he was tore almost in half. I was so frustrated with myself I could only cry… I think that's when you heard me." She finished her story with a sad face, as if she could feel the same emotions again.
"I asked you what the problem was, you told me something had happened to your stuffed puffin and the rest is history."Gerda completed the story to spare the Queen some pain. She then realised something, "That's why you wouldn't open the door for me to fix him for you! It was frozen shut!" Elsa nodded in agreement while she turned the toy with her left hand. "May I see it?"
"Sure" replied the young monarch as she handed her the animal.
"You sewed him well."
"Stop patronising me" Elsa scoffed. "I barely fixed him. I gave him a cape just to hide his scars." She turned the toy in her housekeeper's hand to show her the little bluish cape.
"Something tells me you tore this glove when trying to retrieve the toy from the ice." She said pointing to the little cape which was made of a familiar material for Gerda.
Elsa nodded and added "I feel silly, crying so much over him that night."
"You had just had a fight with your father and then you thought you had destroyed your friend, dear. Those sound like justified reasons to cry." Gerda returned the stuffed animal to the Queen and patted her on the knee.
"Maybe…" Gerda could see Elsa battling with herself as if she was unsure to add something else. "…can I confess something to you? I know it sounds childish but, I missed this little guy. It was a really good listener. I don't talk to him anymore, but his presence is comforting."
"If you missed him so much, why did you ask me to put it away with the rest of your stuff?"
Elsa shrugged and simply answered "Mama and papa were gone. Everybody knocked at my door asking for orders to follow. The kingdom was expecting me to step up and start leading them. I couldn't rely on a toy for support, I was supposed to be strong." As if it was the most logical thing in the world. "I am still supposed to be strong…"
"And you are, darling. More than you give yourself credit for." Gerda replied standing up, after sharing a beautiful moment with her favourite girl. She loved Anna to the moon and back, but there was something especial about Elsa, something the Queen didn't let many people see. She was glad Elsa trusted her as a confident. "Now, why don't you change that face and eat your meal? Good meals always make you stronger."
Elsa laughed remembering how Gerda always lectured her and Anna that way when they complained about eating. "You always say that."
"Because it's true" replied the housekeeper as she was heading towards the door to leave the Queen enjoy her meal.
As Elsa was getting up from the bed to pick the tray she said "Thanks for never giving up on me. Besides Anna, I think you were the only one who thought I was capable of mastering my powers … Even more than mama and papa."
"Your parents loved you and knew you were capable of anything, my dear."
"Maybe… but you always showed it. Thank you." Elsa commented with a big smile on her face.
Gerda was closing the door when she finally heard "And thank you for Sir Jorgenbjorgen! I know you knitted it for me and not mama." Gerda reopened the door to look at Elsa's playful face "Don't look at me that way, I may have spent most of my time in here but I knew from the beginning it was you. Mama loved me, she told me so many times. But she would have never approved of a crown princess relying on toys to feel better." When she saw the woman was too stunned to answer she added "Besides, you are the only one who knows who much I love puffins."
"Luckily you are now the Queen and not a crown princess anymore. You can rely on Sir Jorgenbjorgen as much as you want" she replied. "Good night, dear."
The next day, after a day full of long meetings Elsa returned to her bedroom. She tried to find Sir Jorgenbjorgen, but she couldn't find him anywhere. After some time, she decided to search the castle looking for Gerda. It was possible the housekeeper had something to do with the sudden disappearance. She entered the throne room calling Gerda's name when something caught her attention. Sir Jorgenbjorgen was in her throne sitting… proudly? She got closer to inspect the toy when she saw a little crown attached to the left side of his head, covering the biggest scar in his head perfectly. Elsa could only laugh at Gerda's sweet gesture.
People in Arendelle had to get used to the idea of seeing a little crowned puffin in the throne's armrest whenever they attended open court, from that day onwards.
A/N - Reviews are welcomed. English is not my first language, feel free to correct and mark any mistakes. It helps me learn more about the language and its grammar.
For those who enjoy reading Anna, I'm sorry. I always liked the idea of Elsa and Gerda being close and wanted to try something different. I hope you have enjoyed the short story anyway.