Title: The Winner Takes It All
Author: Indigo Night
Feedback: Yes please
Summary: It almost surprised Dean, the intensity with which the jealousy hit him when he first saw her.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters
Spoilers: For the Pilot...
Warnings: Implied Wincest.
Beta'd: SailorGadget, thanks so much! Any remaining mistakes are mine.
Author's Note: Ah, ABBA. Ok, so here it is, the long awaited release from writer's block, yay! At least temporarily. Read, Review, Enjoy!
It almost surprised Dean, the intensity with which the jealousy hit him when he first saw her, first watched Sammy, his Sammy wrap his arm possessively around her waist.
As he looked at her, -- tall, blonde, beautiful, normal, a woman, not Sam's brother, the things Dean himself wasn't -- he couldn't help but hate her, just a little. This woman who had wormed her way into Sam's life, the new life that Sam had created for himself, the life without Dean.
I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Dean said as little as he could about it though. He tried to pretend that he was glad that Sam was happy; that the old scars Sam's leaving had left didn't still burn him. But he couldn't help but show off, just a little, subconsciously trying to remind Sam of the good things about their life, the fun he had left behind. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about what Sam did with her, how she made his baby brother laugh. Could the life he had with her really be better? Was he truly happier without Dean?
He tried to remind himself that he wasn't competing with Jess for his brother's affections. Tried to stop himself from hoping, praying Sam will change his mind, that Sam wouldn't leave him alone again, that he could really be enough for Sam. But he knows it's a contest he won't win. He'd lost to her before Sam had even met Jess. She was what he wanted: she was normal, and she could offer him the life he wanted, not Dean's shadowed, haunted existence.
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny
Dean tried not to think at all as he listened to Sam's quiet, sleeping breath. He tried to forget the lips, tongue, muscles, eyes, hair, moans, sinful whispers of 'oh god, Dean' that plagued his memory, that were no longer his. Nights long gone, when they'd been alone, sometimes scared, left behind once again by their father, lost and swimming against the tide of their lives, clinging to each other just to keep themselves grounded and sane.
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
He remembered those nights, always defined as 'Happy.' Neither of them had truly known what 'home' meant in the traditional sense of the word; Sam had never had one, and Dean barely remembered the time when the monster under the bed wasn't really there, and Mommy tucked him in at night. So they'd made do with what they had. They'd buried themselves in each other, curling up together, each using the other as a shield against the world, and the things that went bump in the night.
He found it funny, how even though it had always been his sworn duty to protect Sam, whenever they'd held each other he was the one who'd felt safe, at home. He'd never imagined fitting into anyone else the way he did Sam, though god knew that after he'd left Dean had tried; no one had felt right.
But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
He wondered if Sam felt the same. If he still thought about their nights, about Dean, about huddling together in filthy motel beds, waiting for dad to come home and sometimes only half believing that he would. He wondered if Sam still dreamed about him. If sometimes, when he kissed her, it was long tan legs and curly blonde hair that filled Sam's mind.
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
In those few days, that brief return that wasn't quite how things used to be, Dean watched Sam: he couldn't help it. And Sam watched Dean watching him. Dean knew that Sam probably guessed some of the thoughts on Dean's mind, he saw Sam open his mouth several times, half-heartedly wanting to broach the subject, but he never actually formed the words, and Dean refused to bring it up as well. So their silence held, and the white elephant danced while they both determinedly ignored it, doing the hunt, looking for Dad, keeping up a steady stream of banter, but never really talking to each other. Sneaking peaks out of the corners of their eyes, but never actually looking at each other.
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.
Dean can feel the old wounds tearing, burning open inside of him again as they say their goodbyes in the Stanford parking lot. He looks up at the window of Sam's apartment, knowing that she's in there, waiting for him, waiting to claim his brother as hers once and for all. This was it: the final door. Sure, in many ways they had patched some things up. There certainly wouldn't be complete silence between them this time, but in so many ways, they were cutting themselves off from each other for good. Sam was making his choice, his final choice, between Dean and the life he was raised to, or her and the life he built for himself.
Dean knew what Sam would choose. Maybe he'd always known that Sam was meant for more, more than hunting, more than him. Dean had lost, and he conceded defeat, saying his silent final goodbyes as he watched Sam's back disappearing into the night.
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
It was barely an hour later that Dean was once again in the Stanford parking lot. There were people babbling, the brilliant orange glow as the apartment complex burned to the ground, the sirens sounded, and Sammy was standing removed from it all, silently crying his tears as he loaded his gun.
As Dean stood beside him, watching his brother's pain, he couldn't help but think morbidly, Huh, guess I won after all.
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...