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Star Aligned

Being in love with your best friend is a strange state of being- a bittersweet situation that cannot be explained by the normal clichés of romance. For David Hodges it was simply just a reconfirmation that perhaps it would never be him. He would never be 'the one'.

He had heard men in bars bragging about the freedoms they enjoyed being single while their friends found themselves having to leave early, double think trips to the city's strip clubs and spend their weekends at football games, piano recitals and boring date nights. But it was all a lie. He was sure of it. Perhaps these men didn't realise they were lying yet, perhaps it would take one encounter with a woman that could make the future fall into place for them to realise that being alone wasn't worth it.

In his line of work he had found himself being face with the cold, hard truth about how short life is. And all of a sudden all of the songs about it being too little time to be alone seemed to make more sense than he ever imagined they could.

But luck didn't seem to be on his side. It was always the wrong time, the wrong person or the wrong situation. A part of him had wanted to believe in fate, in a grand scheme of things but as every day wore on and every year passed him by it became painfully clear that wouldn't work. Hodges realised that for things to work he would have to take some action of his own.

Love didn't just appear if you waited idly by. It was more than true that you had work at it. He had seen the way Doc Robbins would still do his best to impress his wife, to win her over every time. He'd witnessed the way Sara had tirelessly remained by Grissom's side, convincing him to take that leap of faith.

And then there was Morgan and Greg.

Greg was a good man. He knew that. But still he couldn't convince himself to be happy for Morgan for choosing him. Their relationship had been slow in blossoming but it was clear that he made her happy that there was more to it than just a casual romance.

More than anything it broke his heart.

He and Greg had cemented a friendship after Wendy had left, they had spoken about letting the women they love walk away. Morgan was a second chance. They were a similar age. They had the same interests. They were well suited. But still for some reason he found himself looking at their relationship thinking it was wrong- that it should have been him.

There was no point in thinking- he had learnt this the hard way. Every time he dwelt on his thoughts he would find himself feeling just a bit more alone than he had done before. Picking up the whiskey tumbler before him tipped the content into his mouth relishing the way the burning sensation rattled against his teeth.

It was movie night like every Thursday; Friday nights had been dedicated to Greg; and she was bound to be waiting for him with a bowl of pop corn and a chick-flick that he would happily watch for her. As he stepped into the dusty, thick air of the evening it occurred to him that he would have done anything for her if it would make her smile.

She appreciated him, she acknowledged him- it wasn't like being in love with someone who wouldn't give you the time of day. Somehow still the small gestures weren't enough.

He had heard Mandy once say that you can't be friends with people you're attracted to because it's all far too messy. But what about being friends with someone you're in love with?

Hodges had asked himself many times if he was a masochist- if in the end he genuinely enjoyed the heart break of being built up only to find himself knocked down once again. Hadn't he done that with Wendy?

He'd let himself get too caught up, he'd began picturing a future that could never be when every part of him of him knew that it was time to put on the breaks to slow down. Perhaps he wasn't even in love with Morgan; he had simply convinced himself since it was easier to feel bad than feel nothing.

A part of him wondered what Freud would have thought about the state of his life- his relationship with his mother, the lack of other relationships he had formed along the way. His current therapist had given him a prescription of Prozac and told him it was just the depression talking.

Maybe he was insane?

It was a question he asked himself more than he would have liked to confess.

He pressed the door bell shifting his weight on his feet, tucking his hands into his jacket pocket hoping that she wouldn't smell the whiskey on his breath. If he was honest he didn't want to be there. He didn't want to be reminded of why it was he loved her. It was easier to convince himself he was being a fool when she wasn't there.

"Hodges" Morgan opened the door, a wary look clouding her eyes as she stepped out of the way to let him in.

"That is who I am..." He replied with a smile switching his mood into the right gear as he made his way towards the living room.

"I forgot to call you" She said quietly sitting down on the sofa next to him refusing to meet his eye.

"What's going on?" He asked realising that he was going to have to deal with another night of listening to her crying on his shoulder about how distant Greg was or how sometimes they would fight. He played the role of dutiful friend but deep down all he wanted to do was to tell her to leave Greg- to be done with the relationship and give him a chance.

"Greg...Greg broke up with me" She stated picking at the fraying edges of her jeans not knowing what else to do or say. "He said that he needed...space..."

"I'm sorry" Hodges looked away attempting to figure out whether it was really the time and place to swoop in. He had been the shoulder to cry on before and it hadn't gotten him anywhere what was to say that this time would be any different. Her clear blue eyes studied him as he sat barely a foot away from her.

"That's it? You're sorry" Morgan frowned at him. She expected more but he realised he was lost for words the fear that he might confess that he loved her burning in the forefront of his mind.

"It doesn't matter he's a jerk. There are plenty more fish in the sea. You'll met someone else better than him...Need I go on?" Hodges forced himself to turn and face her. "It doesn't matter what I say...you've already heard these things before..."

"But I want you to say them..." Morgan announced mutedly.

"Why" The question came out far more aggressively than he had intended to but the word simply just lingered in the air like the sound of a siren waiting to be answered. Their eyes met and it was as if the world had slowed around them as it became clear that for once they were going to have to face things head on.

"I'm in love with you Morgan..." The words came tumbling out of his mouth and he realised looking back he would blame the alcohol for the sudden flood of confidence. "And I can't sit here and pretend I feel bad about you and Greg breaking up...because if I'm honest I'm glad... I'm optimistic... I'm hopeful that perhaps we'll have a chance..."

Her fingers twisted around the fabric of his shirt pulling him towards her their lips colliding as everything seemed to come crashing down around them. They breathlessly pulled apart realising that needed to talk about what was happening.

"Morgan...I...We..." Hodges stumbled over all the words that were running through his mind a mile per minute.

"I know... I know..." She smiled at him, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear taking him by the hand.

"Where are we going?" He asked confused as she led him out of the living room. Morgan turned to face him with a devilish grin and it seemed to hit him out of nowhere that this was actually happening.

All of hopes- all of those wishes to the skies seemed to appear before him like a clear night sky as if all the stars aligned.

The End