Better Strangers (HP)
(Harry Potter fan fiction)
The tears ran down his face, mouth quivering. "Mum?" The small child's voice sounded weak and vulnerable. His hands touched her cheeks. Pale.
"Jessie... You-" she took a raspy and shaky breath. "You- need to hide.. " The woman managed to lift her hands high enough to lay on his shoulders. "You need to be strong.. for mommy, okay?" The boy nodded furiously.
"You remember the room mommy told you not to go and play in?" The woman managed to hold her tears at bay. "You need to go and hide there. Don't come out until I come and fetch you. Or-or if daddy comes to fetch you. Okay?" Jessie nodded, the three year old pressed a kiss to his mother's face before running off.
"I love you, Jessie. Don't you ever forget that."
Chapter 1
He pursed his lips together, eyes narrowing as he pushed himself even further. One feet in front of the other, taking long strides.
"Come on! Just a bit further!"
He couldn't help the grin from forming on his face. His feet sped up even more. "Come on, Jessie!"
As soon as his feet crossed the threshold he dropped onto the floor, laying on his back. James came to stand above him, nodding approvingly.
"How was that?" Jessie asked, a wolf like smile on his lips. "I broke the record didn't I?" He didn't need a reply, he could read it from James features. Especially when he rolled his eyes.
"This isn't fair, you know." He crossed his arms onto his chest and huffed. Jessie laughed, "You are angry because now you need to buy me a drink." He poked the leg of his friend from his position on the floor. "A bet is a bet." He taunted.
James flipped him off, "Come on, you brat. You know laying down directly after such an exercise is bad for your muscles." Jessie closed his eyes. "I'm serious, get off of the floor. Go stretch and shower. We can't show up at the Weasleys like this. What a good first impression it'd be. Don't you think?"
Jessie laughed, stretching his arms above his head as he sat up. "I'm up, I'm up. " He laughed, popping his neck.
"I'm going to change."
The fifteen year old stifled a laugh. "What?" James turned around, baring a slightly ticked off look. "You're nervous." He tried to swallow another laugh. "The incredible James Eveander is.. nervous." Jamie stood up, a hand in front of his mouth. Mocking him.
"Shut it. Get dressed. Idiot." He turned around and walked away. "But Jamie!" Jessie yelled, feigning urgency. "We haven't had 'the talk' yet!"
He heard something that sounded like 'fuck off' as a reply and let out another throaty laugh in response before he moved to the bathroom.
Maybe for once he could leave the stretching.
He tugged on the collar of his shirt, who in turn was tucked into his pants. A navy blue dress shirt, which looked nice but still casual.
Jessie leant in the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest as he observed his friend. Who hadn't noticed him, yet.
James stood in front of the mirror, twisting and turning to look at himself. Probably to see if this was or wasn't the outfit for this occasion.
"You look fine, seriously." Jessie decided to help out his friend in need. "Don't worry, they are going to like you. You could wear a trash bag and they'd still like you." He added, hoping to speak some courage into his friend.
Unlike James, Jessie was wearing a black shirt with some black skinny jeans and his red sneakers. "Look, I even made sure to look more casual then you, so you pop out as fancy." He smiled his teeth bare.
"Shut up. We both know that if somebody would rock a trash bag then it is you." James said, turning around as he mimicked Jessie's crossed arms. "But thanks for trying to cheer me up."
Jessie held his smile for a bit before it wandered off. "Are you sure they said to bring me along? It kind of feels weird.. I mean, you are meeting you're parents in law and you bring along.. you're 'little brother'." He studied his nails before glancing back to James.
"Actually, they know you aren't my brother. So this isn't weird. I'm bringing my friend along. By the way, you know Ron Weasley do you not?" The dirty blond asked.
"Yeah, but knowing is a big word. He's three years older, I know him from bumping into him and from the times that I spent talking to Hermoine." He shrugged, actually feeling more anxious then he let on.
He didn't have many friends, so making new ones was not what he regularly did. Not that he was socially awkward or got scared whenever in a crowded place. He just didn't need a big friend group.
"Hey, it's going to be alright. Plus, Ginny said that there was a big chance that Harry, Hermoine and some family came along to dinner too. So, you're going to be fine."
Jessie stared at his friend, not entirely convinced. But, if Hermoine came along, then he'd certainly have someone to talk to.
"Alright, good to go?" He asked James as he joined him to look in the mirror. "Now, are you ready?"
"Yep."
James apparated them into a large grassy field. Well, James could see the field. The only thing Jessie could see from where he was laying on the ground was mud.
"Come on, get up. I told you to close you're eyes. Don't be a baby." Jessie grumbled something underneath his breath as he got up and brushed his jeans off. Luckily it hadn't rained so no stains.
"Why again did I agree to live under you're roof?" He asked, not expecting an answer. James was way to nervous to be replying. So he just settled on following.
Looking up from the ground, his eyes were met with a giantic burrow-ish house. He had to look up to be able to see the roof from where they were walking. "Woah," He whispered to himself.
James himself stopped to look up. "Talk about a house. " He looked at Jessie, who was still looking up amazed. "You look like a little kid." James laughed.
"Shut you're mouth you might catch flies, Jessie." Jamie moved on. Seeming to gather all his courage at the front door before he dared to knock.
Not even a second later they were met with a short woman with bushy hair. "You must be James!" The woman said as she stepped aside. "And Jamie the friend!" She added as he passed her. Feeling quite uncomfortable as he looked around the room before noticing the few people sitting in the sofa's or already seated at the dinner table.
"It's Jessie actually." Jessie corrected, adding a sweet smile, trying hard not to come across as rude. "Oh! my bad-" her eyes flickered towards him, almost studying, before looking at someone in the seat and then back at James. "-Jessie."
"Ginny is going to be down soon." She said, more to James then him. "I'm Molly, Ginny's mum." James nearly blushed at the enthusiastic greeting. "Nice to meet you Miss Weasley."
The woman laughed, "Nonsense, there's no Miss or Mr in here. Just call me Molly and this is Arthur. " She introduced the man who went to stand next to her.
Molly gave Jamie a big hug, which he returned hesitantly. Not at all expecting the same greeting Jessie just smiled, but was surprised to find to enthusiastic arms wrapped around her.
"I've heard so much about you two." Two?
He knew Ginny, but it wasn't that he knew her that well. He knew her from when she'd passed at their place or when he was at school.
Molly let him go only for Arthur to offer him a hand.
"Arthur Weasley."
"Jessie Trinity." He smiled as he released the man's hand.
"Trinity, never heard that name before. Where did you're parents go to school?" The man looked at him with a studying gaze.
"Well.. I was raised in an orphanage so, I wouldn't know." He swallowed, noticing the man paling. "Oh, my sincere apologies. I didn't know." He hurried to get out.
"Hey," Jessie tried to calm the man with a smile of his own. "No harm done. You couldn't possibly have known. I'm fine with it."
I'm fine with it?
Seriously, Jessie. He thought, wanting to kick himself for his reply. That must've sound weird.
Arthur smiled, but he could tell it didn't reach his eyes. Instead of trying the man some more like he would do if some of James friends would have asked the question, he just smiled. He didn't want to come over as rude. Best to keep his mouth shut then.
"Come, have a seat, there's a spot in the love seat. It may take a while before we can eat. You know how it is to cook big dinners." Molly said softly, giving Jessie a gentle push in the back towards the living area.
That was when he noticed that he didn't see James anymore. That bastard. He thought.
"Jessie?" A bushy haired girl turned his head to look at him before raising from her spot next to a black haired male. "Long time no see!" She hugged him.
"Hey, how are you?"
"I'm good, you?" He smiled before adding. "You are glowing!" He laughed and she looked at him with a small smile.
"I better be. I just found out that I'm two months pregnant!" She squealed, excited and pulled him back in for another hug. "I'm so excited!"
"I can see that." He said laughingly. Feeling giddy all of a sudden, must be contagious. "Congratulations."
"Where's Ron?"
"He needed to be somewhere for his job. Couldn't make it tonight." Jessie nodded. "Well, I'm happy for you guys."
"Thank you. We had been trying for a few months now. We realised after the war that we'd wanted children and a normal life."
Jessie forced back the urge to grimace when she'd brought up the war. Memories sprung back from a year ago.
Most kids his age hadn't been fighting along then, because of their ages and their parents who thought it a bad idea. But he had gone along, nobody asked questions since he looked older then he was and it wasn't that anybody had time to recognise him.
It wasn't for attention that he had come along. No. He didn't want anything to happen to James. The only friend who he had had since he was six. No, he wasn't about to lose someone else in his life. He had made up the choice that it was them both or none of them at all. Which he hadn't told James. And when he had realised that Jessie was there also, it had been to late.
Jessie swallowed. "It's in time of fear that we figure out what we want the most." He said slowly.
"Beautifully said."
"Have a seat, I'll introduce you."
Jessie sat down in a single seat. His eyes immediately caught the ones staring at him. Chocolate brown ones, unlike his own. He smiled slightly.
Well this wasn't awkward... at all.
"This is Sirius." She pointed towards the man sitting right next to her.
He had straight blackish grey hair and his eyes were an icy kind of blue. He wore a purple dress shirt, black skinny jeans and black shoes.
So this was Sirius Black, the ex-prisoner. Who had been sent to jail for almost 13 years for no reason.
"This is Remus." She nodded towards the man who had been staring at her. He turned his gaze towards the man.
And still was staring.. at him.
He offered a small smile. "Well, this is Harry, but you already know him."
Harry waved slightly, smiling back.
"Hey."
"Hi," Jessie replied, letting his gaze wander. This place wasn't as big as he thought it would be when he saw it from the outside. But it was cozy and homey.
He focussed on the family pictures on the wall or on the small table in front of him. So many memories spread around.
"Usually it's a bit more crowded here, but most of them are at work and couldn't get off from work." Hermoine added.
Jessie nodded, pushing a hand through his hair. He shifted his gaze towards his right and saw the man was about to open his mouth to say something.
"Dinner's ready!" Molly announced. "Ginny! James!"
Jessie stood up, brushing off the invisible dust from his pants.
Just a few more hours and then it'll be over.
Just a few more hours.
Chapter 2
"You are unbelievable..You can't just show up and expect that everything's alright!" Her voice was stern but it had a soft edge to it.
The man in front of her kept his eyes glued to the floor, "I know." He whispered before glancing up to make eye contact. "But I'm willing to try." He took a step forwards, "I want this to be alright again."
The woman broke eye contact as her bottom lip quivered. "And I'm supposed to believe this."
"I-"
"Remus, you left me. Us." She didn't want to do this, "And what are you doing here at two in the morning anyway?" She turned her back on him as she went to retrieve two tea cups.
"I-I needed to see you." She glanced at her hands as she filled the kettle before placing it on the stove. "Amelia.."
"You needed to see me at two in the morning." She nodded to herself before letting out a humourless laugh and turning around. "What if Jessie woke up? What if he wakes up right now? How do you think I'm going to explain to him that there's a strange man in our house? Nonetheless his father who claimed he wasn't good enough to be one?" Her words were laced with venom.
"I did what I thought was best, you know this."
She shook her head, "I'm a Black, a family that is thought to be nothing but ruthless death eaters. Yet I'm still here. Do you think I'm the best choice of mother for Jessie? No, but he's my son."
Remus sighed, "I'm a werewolf, I'm a monster. Jessie deserves a father who doesn't have to fear that he might eat his own son."
"Once a month. And you heard Greyback he said that if you quit the wolfsbane that you would know the difference between friend or foe." She grabbed the kettle of the stove, pouring it in both cups.
"Greyback is a madman who bites children. I'm not going to listen to him, who knows what I'll do then." Remus replied hastily.
"I want us to start again, I want... I'm sorry." Remus wiped away a tear as he adverted his gaze.
"Have a seat." Amelia said gently as she lowered the cups to the table. Seeing remus like this still did something to her, even after two years.
Remus sat down, hands going around the cup. As if I'd give some sort of support for what was yet to come. He sniffed, "I- After what happened to Sirius.."
"That's been two years ago. Surely that's not the reason why you are truly here." She waited patently as he fumbled with his tea cup.
"I... I want to see him, be there for him..." He held up his hand as she went to interrupt. "Listen.. I know I messed things up. I wanted to be there for you.. for him... but I couldn't, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that.. that it was better for him to have a parent who didn't need act like an animal one week a month."
"Remus.." She whispered, clenching her own cup.
"He deserves better.. he does." A tear rolled down Remus cheek. "But.. I- since a few weeks I've been thinking.. And I want this, even if he deserves better. I want to be there when he starts talking properly, when he starts dating, when he has his first heartbreak." He took a shaky breath. "But I know I can't do that unless you approve."
He looked up, looking at the woman he had never stopped loving. He reached over, placing his hand over her wrist.
"I know this is a lot to ask you. But, If you find it in you're heart to give me another chance. I'd be forever grateful."
She placed her hand over his. "This is not going to be easy. I'm not going to go easy on you. You really hurt me. Us."
Remus nodded, tears clouding his eyes. "Thank you, this is all I'm asking for."
Amelia nodded, "We'll see where this goes, no pressure or expectations. Let us start back as friends." She swallowed. "I don't want anymore excuses or talk about not being what Jessie deserves. We are his parents, we love him and we'll everything we can to make him happy. I know we aren't the best of roll models but we'll manage."
She held his hand with one of hers, squeezing it gently in comfort. "You are worth being a dad and a father."
"I'm sorry that I took so long to be here." Amelia squeezed again, "He's grown a lot since you've seen him.. well that's what a year and a half does to you." She choked on her words as she tried to get them out.
"He's quite the ladies man you know." She said, laughing. "Molly absolutely adores him." She smiled, "I'm... it's so hard... I just wish Sirius was here, he would love him. He kind of reminds me of him... you know... Jessie. The eyes.. and his hair.. he got that from me but.. it reminds me of Sirius when we were kids." She whispered, having to get it off of her chest.
Remus stroked his thumb over her hand, "I miss him too." A pained smile crept over his mouth. "He's an absolute idiot with half a brain, but I miss him too." Amelia had to laugh at this. "I- I don't believe he did it." She said, not meeting his gaze. They'd had this conversation before.
"I know it's hard to believe, Ams.. But he was the one, he was the keeper." Amelia adverted his gaze to the door as she saw movement.
"Mum?"
A small figure wrapped in a blanket stood in the doorway. Amelia stood up and moved towards him, "What are you doing out of bed, little man?"
Jessie's lip quivered, "Monster under my bed." He said, almost mispronouncing everything but he could be understood. "Say what, I'll come and look with you."
"I'll leave, It's late." Remus said, standing up. Amelia looked up, "Alright, If you wait I'll let you out."
"I know the way,"
Jessie looked confused as he stared at Remus. " 'S That?"
"He's... a friend. Let's get you back to bed."
Amelia glanced over her shoulder, "You'll come back?" She knew her voice sounded nearly weak but she wasn't sure if she could handle it if he left again. Remus smiled, "Of course I will, I'll be back tomorrow."
Remus smiled at Jessie who was still staring. "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then."
She took Jessie's hand as she guided him along back to his bedroom.
"See you tomorrow."
Chapter 3
His vision went blurry as he staggered back, grasping his face in both hands. It took a few seconds before he was able to focus again. He hadn't seen him coming this time.
"Look at you."
The man rasped out, dragging him against the wall by his hair. "You useless piece of shit." He could feel the breath's on his neck.
"What did I ever do to get you?"
James didn't dare to move. The twelve year old stared wide eyes at the person he was supposed to be calling 'father'.
"Well..?" He clutched the Childs hair even tighter in his hand.
"N-nothing, I'm sorry."
The man released him and took a step back, looking at him. "You look too much like your father, act too much like him. You are just like him, nothing."
James swallowed as he pressed himself back into the wall, breath's coming out in short pants as he tried to regain his breathing. "Go! I don't wanna' look at you."
He didn't waste time and nearly ran to his room, making sure to close his door softly. He remembered last time, his father coming back only to drag him down the stairs by his hair and make him do it again.
He shuddered as he locked his door, before resting his back against it. "Shit." He whispered as he slid down until he was huddled in the corner of his room.
He knew that it was only a matter of time before his father would come to apologise and try to hug him. Especially in the morning, he'll be crying and he would have to tuck his father in after promising he already forgave him.
His bottom lip trembled as he held his face in his hands. His entire body was shaking and on edge. "I'm so sorry." He whispered into the silence of the room.
"Honey I'm home!" James heard Jessie yell with a loud slam of the door following suit. "Hey! I'll be down in a minute!" He yelled back, wiping his eyes quickly. Afraid that Jessie will burst inside any minute.
He stared back at himself in the mirror, hoping Jessie wouldn't notice the change in his face. His eyes were puffy and red and so was his skin.
Who was he kidding, this was Jessie they were talking about. That kid notices everything.
He swallowed, clutching the edge of the sink tightly, locking eyes with himself. He had woken up to a panic attack from a nightmare. He cursed under his breath. His plan for today was to have a nice sleep in and do nothing all day.
That was clearly ruined. "Jamie?" Jessie yelled sounding closer now. James wiped his eyes again with his shirt.
He sniffed, Jessie was going to notice and he will have to explain it to the kid.
Shit.
"Jamie? You alright in there?"
No.
He sniffed again, trying to stand up straighter. "Ye-a I'm fine." Liar.
A few seconds of silence went by before he heard a soft sigh and a knock. "I know you're not, come out, James." James pushed himself away from the sink and tried to look as alright as he could.
He opened the door and stared a wide eyed Jessie in the eyes. "Do you need to use the bathroom?" He asked, knowing his voice sounded hoarse from the crying. "No, no." Came the soft reply, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm fine. I just had a nightmare that's all.." He tried to walk away but was quickly blocked. "I've woken up after a nightmare multiple times and I never cried. You've had nightmares before, you don't wake up crying from that."
James swallowed, adverting his gaze. "It's nothing." He tried again to brush past Jessie, only to have two hands clasping his shoulder and holding him to the wall gently.
His eyes widened as his breath's came out in short pants. Memories flashed by as he panicked and froze. "James?" Jessie asked sounding concerned but he couldn't manage a reply as he just stared, lips quivering.
"Jamie? Please? What's wrong? why are you staring at me like that?" The question's flew out of the younger man's mouth as he looked all over his friends body for possible injuries. He released his grip and stepped back as he could find nothing wrong with his friend.
"You-You aren't scared of me... right?"
Was he?
He tried to focus his attention back to his friend, "I-I'm sorry." He rasped out, shaking from head to toe. "I-didn-t mean to.." He looked everywhere but at his friend, too afraid of his reaction.
"Are you having a panic attack?" Jessie asked, taking a step towards James again but stopping soon after he saw him flinch.
"I-I think so." James whispered, already being calmer then before.
"Jamie, I'm going to help you down the stairs and we'll have a nice cup of tea. I'll tell you about my day and we can talk after you feel better. Alright?"
James nodded, allowing Jessie to gently take his arm and guide him down the stairs. Not another word was said between them before they sat across each other at the table, both holding a steaming cup of tea.
James stared at his cup, before looking at Jessie through his lashes. "I'm sorry. I- I thought - I hadn't had this vivid dreams in a while now.." He swallowed a mouthful of tea before continuing.
"I don't know If I can talk about this." He admitted, tears stinging in his eyes as he tried to ignore the painful memories in his thoughts as he talked about it. "You don't have to, right now." Jessie said back, taking a sip of tea.
"But I'd rather have that you tell me sometime." He could see tears welling up in Jessie's eyes. "I-I don't usually talk about it to anyone. I-I Nobody knows of this."
Jessie offered a small smile, or at least he tried to. "Tell me when you're ready?" He asked gently, biting his lower lip as if he were in deep thought. "You don't have to, but... I'd rather have you do."
James tried to smile back but knew he failed miserably.
"We fight our demons together, remember?" Jessie whispered, looking at James knowingly.
That brought a small smile onto the young man's face as he nodded.
"We'll fight them together."