Gods…!
No, god. For that was the sole cause of the nightmare unfolding in front of me.
There was nothing I could do. I could only stand frozen in terror as the emperor I knew—power-hungry, gluttonous, calculating, but human—transformed into something beyond imagination. If I'd thought he was ugly before, he was hideous now. The terrible white light of the… what had he called them? End Magnus? enveloped his body, and he grew. Tentacles writhed on the floor beneath him, and his clothes burst from swelling purple skin, rippling with fat and slime. His body shook violently as he roared with laughter, and he no longer remotely resembled the emperor, or anything human.
I ran as fast as I could, but could only manage to get ten steps before I threw up.
I don't know how long I stood there vomiting, giving up everything I had ever eaten and some things I was sure I hadn't. I couldn't get rid of the hideous image in my head—behind me, I could hear shouts and screams, and the sound of blades slicing flesh, shots fired, fat burning. The smell…! The stench made me retch again, but my stomach had nothing left to send up. I was now on my knees, and I prayed to die.
Footsteps sounded, a sudden normality beneath the battle noises that made my head spin. I couldn't look up then, for fear that something would snap.
A hideous scream made my hair stand on end—not mine. I didn't want to look, but the same morbid curiosity that had haunted me all my life made me look.
The emperor—the tentacled thing—was thrashing about in confusion and terror, unable to control his limbs. And the footsteps I'd heard…! The General and Lady Melodia were coming, along with several of my comrades, none of whom I could recognize beneath the helmets. Driven both by shame and terror, I crouched behind a rock as much as I could. What was happening?
What came next I would never forget.
Instead of helping the emperor, instead of making sense of this insanity and ending this nightmare, the Lady laughed. And then she told the others to open fire.
Bullet after bullet struck the emperor, bringing forth black pus, amplifying his howls a thousand fold, and driving him backwards to the edge of the rock ledge. With a final cry, he fell over the cliff and, from the slopping impact and immediate agonized scream, into the lava.
I don't know what happened then. I lost consciousness. It was too much, too overwhelming, too unreal. I awoke, still behind the rock, close beside a putrid pile of my own upheaval. I hoped it might be over, but the Lady was talking to one of the boys who had come in to confront the emperor, a guy with blue hair and strangely shimmering wings. The wings reminded me of the emperor after he had transformed, although I had no idea why. I wanted to throw up again, but I had to keep quiet.
"Well done, Kalas," she said, in the tenderest voice I'd ever heard her use. "Now you're everything you've always dreamed to be! And Malpercio is so pleased."
The guy was looking at her like he was hypnotized. He had a nasty smirk on his face.
"Now, we can't just leave your friends here," she continued, gesturing. I poked my head up a little from the rock and could see four or five people lying prone on the ground. I recognized them as having come with the blue-haired guy, Kalas. Two of them looked even more familiar, as if I'd know them before that. But… who was with who? The emperor, the Lady, Kalas? My head spun.
"They have their own part to play. You!" She turned and gestured to the soldiers still with her, the ones who had shot the emperor. They saluted. "Take these five to the fortress. Lock her—" she pointed—"up. I'll deal with the rest myself."
Obediently, they alternately dragged and carried the people away. I suddenly found myself worrying for them, although not as much as I worried for myself. Nothing I had known made sense anymore.
That left the Lady, the General, and Kalas. Smiling, the Lady regarded them both.
"Come! Cor Hydrae has been awakened—our friends will be here soon. All we have to do is crush these puny mortals beneath our feet, and then wait… wait for the power to come… the power rivaling that of a god…" She laughed, a high laugh that sent cold daggers down my spine. I ducked behind the rock, making myself as small as I possibly could, and waited for death.
It didn't come, though. I heard them walk out of the caves, and then I was alone.
Then I could let myself scream.
I didn't go back to duty. I was a coward. I always have been. This suit feels good on me because no one can see who I am. No one can meet my eyes when I shoot them.
My nightmare wasn't over when I got out of the caves. I headed back towards Mintaka, because I didn't want to go to the Imperial Fortress if the Lady and the General were in there. But when I got there, I wished I hadn't.
There were monsters, demons with swords for hands and glowing eyes, prowling the streets. One of them saw me as I entered, turning away from a citizen lying on the ground and heading towards me. I turned tail and ran, faster than I had ever run from anything in my entire life. I ran straight back out of the city and into the barren land between cities on Alfard. I ran until I couldn't run anymore, and then I collapsed.
I lay there trembling, from terror, from fatigue… from utter shame. I hadn't even drawn my gun before taking off with my tail between my legs. How had I ever gotten into the army? I wasn't that good a shot, definitely not the strongest, and had no head for strategy. Nothing like her. She was probably in there right now, fighting, or even in the Fortress, maybe heading down to set things straight. That's the kind of thing she would do. If she saw me now…
I didn't want to think about that.
It had been only once, but she'd sat with me in the mess hall. She was with her brother, of course, but she'd actually said something to me.
"The food here is the worst ever. You'd think officers would eat better than their inferiors," she sniffed, eyeing my plate, which looked identical to hers.
Startled, I could only manage, "Y… you can have my… my ration if you want." Immediately I knew how stupid that was. But I had already said it.
She stared at me—her eyes! they were on me!—for a moment. Then she laughed.
"More of this Fluffpup crap won't make the thing taste any better." She gave me a smile like I was a silly little kid. "Thanks for the offer, though." She and her brother got up and left.
That was the only actual contact I'd had with her. But I knew her by sight, by reputation. She was strong, beautiful, and brave. All I could do was watch her and hope to be that way someday.
Not today.
After a while, I got up. I didn't know what to do. I wandered around for a long time. I stole a couple of things from Azha went I got hungry. I didn't want to risk Mintaka or the Fortress. And all the time my gun hung at my side, reminding me what I should be doing. But my fear of the nightmare kept me away.