Mine to keep
"She was never mine to keep"
Erik~
I never really understood that night, or why I took that midnight walk, but it changed my life forever.
Christine had felt,and I after that my life was never the same. I suddenly gained back all of my repressed emotions from my past, and I found that even I wasn't immune to the sickness called loneliness. Sure I had been lonely all my life before, but things had changed now. I had now been infected by loves touch and without its presence there grew holes in me. I moved away after Christine fled , I couldn't stand to stay at the opera. It's very walls held her presence and the memories I'd rather push to the farthest corners of my mind. I wanted to go as far as possible from my past. I left and just kept going, I never really knew to stop. I never stayed in one place for more than a few hours before continuing on. I ended across the country in Les Baux-de-Provence, a small mining town of around three hundred. Nestled in the Alpilles , it was here I had decided to end my life. I couldn't take the consent missing pieces and how my mind seemed lost in itself. My life was empty and I was tired.
There in the towns abandoned castle I decided to end my life when the sun rose. In its shadow I would stop the pain and kill the ghosts that tormented me in the absence of my heart. That last night, sleep eluded me, as it had for the past months. I wanted to experience night's misunderstood beauty one last time before I faced hellfire. I scoured the town examining its residence and there petty lives. They were blissfully ignorant to the tragedies that happened everyday on the same earth. My gazing ended an abandoned house standing in a valley under rocky slopes. On closer inspection I found that it was freshly evacuated. I reached to open the door, and almost stepped on a small bundle. I inspected it and found a child.
It was pale and very sickly looking, I had know idea how long it had been left abandoned, but the sight sickened me. I saw myself in the child. Lost, abandoned, cast aside and unwanted. The child made no movement or sound and for a brief spell I thought it to already be dead. Then it looked at me, and in that stare I saw true cruelty of the world. I had been beaten, but my face had always provoked such tortures and caused people to want to hurt me. This child was perfect, and yet someone thought themselves as God and condemned it to die. In that moment I was changed forever, my suicide mission aborted, I took the child back to my rented room and tried to revive it. That was the start of one of the best chapters of my life.
( Updated)