A/N: Do you remember the "you say kiss a turian, I will ask which cheek" talk with Ashley? I did just recently :D So, added some angst at the end of this - but seriously, that kiss thing is something I would pay good credits to see!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, just this fanfic is completely my own fault.
Which Cheek?
There were moments Ashley seriously hated her commanding officer, and seriously considered mutiny. Like - now. What the hell was she thinking, when she said "you say kiss a Turian, I'll ask which cheek"?
You bet that not only police will use everything you say against you.
One would have hoped that the Commander, woman herself, would be merciful towards someone who sure had a reason to hold grudge against aliens, Turians in particular. But noooo - she had to be all Star Trek like, and just like Captain Kirk deliver an epic speech to her (why did she almost called herself Stiles?!) about playing nice with all races in the know and unknown space. And she, Ashley, like a good soldier clicked her heels together and declared a terrible promise of jumping however high Shepard said, or kissing a Turian on whichever cheek she says.
The evil gleam in Shepard's eyes should tell her something.
And so she found herself at the wrong end of "kiss Garrus on right cheek, and that's and order" order. Luckily, there was no timeline - just an addendum that it should happen in front of witnesses, so Shepard knows her orders had been carried out.
Ashley waited for months for the perfect moment to make her move in front of the most witnesses, so Shepard could not say she didn't followed orders issued to her. All the shore leaves were deemed inappropriate by Ashley, since everyone would just think she's drunk as skunk and thus unaware of what she's doing (not to mention there weren't enough of them to get as drunk as would be necessary at times). Then came the perfect moment - the Normandy Christmas Party with its eggnog, cheesy singing and most of all - mistletoe.
The time to strike finally came.
Years later, Joker, Garrus and Shepard would sit in the mess of second Normandy, laughing over the photo Joker managed to snap back then - Garrus, his mandibles wide in shock, Ashley standing on her tiptoes kissing his cheek, and Shepard spiting her eggnog at Alenko who had the badluck of standing in front of her when the fateful kiss happened.
"Sorry, Vakarian - but orders are orders," said Ashley to incredulous Garrus. It was marvelous. And it was also the last time they laughed with her - because few days later, Virmire happened and Ashley brought the honour back to her name by staying at the bomb site and making sure the bomb will go off.
Just like she was ordered.