I bleed
I always wondered how long it would last.
Happiness. Life. Friendship… love. The four devils of humanity that made believers out of fools and fools out of believers. They fabricated lies, preached of forever, and passed false hopes that "we'll never be apart."
Do you see my blood? Do you see my life, crimson red, draining from the mutilated entrails of my body? Do you hear my screams, my curses… do you hear me damn you with the very core of my soul?
I can't feel my arms anymore, not even my legs. Images are fleeting, time… short. I have so many regrets, things I want to do, dreams... But not this. I never anticipated this. I was never prepared for this. I never believed I could die. All this blood…
Then what's happening to you now Rachel?
My breaths become more ragged, clumps of blonde hair falling into my face as I lean forward ready to puke onto the ground.
So tired.
Have I accomplished anything? Did my life mean anything?
Would it have made a difference if I were never born?
"Rachel? Hang in there Rach, come on, I'm not going to let you go."
"Oh God Jake, she's gone into shock, I can't-"
The voices are so far away now. I don't want to listen. Voices remind me of fear, deceit, lies, more lies… I don't want to be lied to anymore. So tired…
I can barely see the palms of my hands, crusted in mud though sickeningly blood red. My stomach hurts, the only part of me that's still able to experience pain. Sharp stabs of pain that wrack my body with agony. I feel as though I'm being ripped from the inside out, shredded guts pooling into one huge bloody mess on the ground…
"No Rachel! Don't you fucking give up, you hear me? Don't you dare give up on me now, you're stronger than this, you know you are!"
No Tobias. I was never stronger… I was the weakest of all of us. Don't you see?
I subconsciously filter his voice into my mind… his voice… I miss hearing his voice…
"Please Rachel, don't, don't do this…"
He's sobbing. Somehow, I just know he is.
"Be strong Rachel, you're not going to leave me."
Then lend me your strength Tobias. Lend me your eyes, your eyes, your soul. Strip yourself of your humanity and you shall have me back. I have none. Don't you see?
Don't you see? Don't you see the monster that made me incapable of loving, incapable of happiness? This ball of hatred that swells viscously inside my throat, invades my mind, violates my every thought?
All these years, did you not see the bitter resentment I hid behind my eyes? Did you not see my demon?
"Tobias…"
"Not one word. Don't you give me any of that, she's not going to die."
"But-"
"Leave him be Cassie."
I'm not really aware of anything now. I can't feel him by my side anymore. Maybe he's left me. Maybe I've left him. Oh Tobias, don't grieve, maybe this is for the best. Besides…
After all these years, did you not realize every day, every night, in my dreams…?
I bleed.
* * *
Note: There was no real plot to this story, except that I've orchestrated her death (somewhat metaphorically, or literally, depending on how you look at it) to reflect her state of mind. This is Rachel at her… deepest? I don't know. It sucks, so never mind. I wrote this off the top of my head. You could say I was 'inspired'.