I do not own these characters.

Chapter 1

BPOV

It had been five years. More than enough time since the incident. More than enough time to gain control of what I had unwillingly become. My thoughts started drifting to a time in which I had actually dreamt of becoming this, longing with all of my being to be this…monster. But at that time my dreams consisted of me being this monster with him so it really didn't seem monstrous at all. Spending eternity together, loving him, and being complete with him. Forever.

It had all seemed so glorious, and it would have been, had I been enough. Enough to make him love me, desire me, need me as I needed him. Of course I had always known that I would never be enough, and I would always be thankful of that short amount of time he granted me the privilege of knowing the most exquisite man of my existence. I could say that now, not knowing how long my existence might be. Before he was always the most exquisite man of my life, but now that my heart no longer beat, those words took on an entirely different meaning.

I quickly snapped myself back to present before my thoughts could wander any further. I knew I was dangerously close to having the hole in my chest rip open once again, and I just wanted one day that I didn't have to curl into a ball to keep myself together. Luckily, at that moment my best friend/roommate/mentor, Kate, entered the room with a look of dismay written all over her face.

"Bella, why haven't you dressed yourself yet? We are going to be late!" she said as she threw a pair of jeans my direction while looking around at the mess I had created in my room. I had been looking for the perfect outfit to wear, even though I knew my sad collection of clothing was still as dull as it had been when I was human. And I also knew she was growing frustrated. One thing that Kate could not stand was to be late, to anything.

"I can't decide what to wear! It's my very first day of college, I have a right to be a little nervous and excited don't you think? Besides, if worst comes to worst, it's not like we can't run there in less than half the time it would take us to drive." I smiled when I said this, and she did too, knowing that the thing I loved most about being a vampire was running.

"Yes I know this, but really, I don't know what you're getting so worked up about. Yes, this is your first day of college, but really Bella, you are going to have so many 'first days of college' in your existence that it will soon become a big bore to you."

"But this is my very first day, very first major I've picked, very first college I'm going to attend, very first degree I'm going to earn. One hundred years from now after I've graduated many times over, I will still always remember this experience the most!" I said this as I was already wondering what other degrees I would like to accomplish, but I knew that there would be plenty of time to think about that. Eternity to be exact.

"I know, I know, Bella. You've explained this to me a hundred times. Now put on some shoes and let's get going!"

I sighed and reached down to pick up my favorite pair of sneakers, grabbed my bag, and followed her out the door. I would never tell my other reason for being nervous about starting college. This would be my first experience being around humans, and a lot of them, all at once. I had never killed a human, and I planned to keep that perfect record. I lived on only animal blood, like others of my kind, but it still felt like I was never really satisfied. The temptation for human blood was a lot more powerful than I had ever anticipated which is why I chose to wait 5 years before attempting to live a normal "human" life again.

I had to give him credit, when he was able to be so close to me and not kill me. Sometimes all it took was to hear a human's heart beating and the venom would start flooding my mouth. I don't know how he was able to listen to my blood flowing, touch me, kiss me and resist…

I had to force myself to snap out of it again. I couldn't think about him kissing me. I couldn't think about the way his icy lips felt against my heated ones. I couldn't wonder how it would feel now, ice against ice…

What is with you today Bella? I was internally scolding myself for thinking about him so much today. I couldn't understand why the sudden change. I had done relatively well recently with avoiding thinking about him, but today, he was all that was on my mind. Then it hit me. I was attending my first year of college as a vampire. One of the things that he wanted me to experience as a human. In fact, he had wanted me to experience everything as a human, which is why he hadn't been the one to change me. He said it was to protect my soul, but I soon found out it was simply because he didn't want to be with me forever, in fact he didn't even want to be with me at all. I realized that I was thinking about him so much because he would probably be very angry right now if he knew what I had become.

But it wasn't my fault I was this way. And had he known Victoria would come back for me he probably would have stuck around a while longer to ensure this wouldn't have happened. I flinched as I remember her biting me, but after that, it all went black. Jake told me that the werewolves fought her off and killed her so that she couldn't finish me off. All the while, I was turning into a vampire without anyone's knowledge. By the time they got to me, it was too late. The transformation had already begun.

I had never admitted this to anyone, but at times I wish they wouldn't have been there to stop her. At least if I had died, I would have had peace. I wouldn't have had to live for eternity loving someone who didn't love me. Eternity is a long time to get over someone, but Edward was not someone who could be gotten over. Even though I had now had eternity, it would never be enough time to heal the pain, the heartache, the downright misery that I felt. There would never be enough time to pass to make me forget the way he looked, the way he smelled, and the way I melted at his every touch. He was my first and only true love, and even a dead, cold heart could never forget that.

I now stared at the college I had chosen to be my first. I felt Kate squeeze my hand when I also stared at the crowd of adolescent humans surrounding the door. I couldn't help but feel enormous gratitude towards my best friend, and I would forever owe her. Kate was a vampire as well, and had basically taken me under her wing when I was learning how to be one myself. Fortunately for me, she also considered herself to be a "vegetarian" and helped me to hunt animals and gain control of my thirst for humans. I knew very little about Kate's history prior to meeting her. I knew something had traumatic happened to her mate, but that was all because she didn't like to talk about it. So I didn't ask. I knew how it felt to want to suffer in silence, and this worked for both of us.

"Ready?" she asked as looked at me with concern as to how I was handling it. She knew my other reason for being nervous; I never had to say anything.

"As ready as I'll ever be" I replied. I had to do it sometime.

We walked into the University of Alaska and she guided me through the halls to the large auditorium where our first class would be taking place. The seats were already half full and we quickly chose a seat in the middle. I began unloading my books and I was all of a sudden very excited. It took everything in me to control this excitement and pull my pens out of my bag at a human pace. I was ready to feel normal again, and this was about as close to normal as I was going to get.

As soon as I gathered my things onto my desk, I realized I had left my notebook in Kate's car. I shuffled through my bag to see if I had any other loose paper to scribble on, but seeing as I had none, I knew I was going to have to go get it.

"Hey Kate, I'll be back I left my notebook in your car, can I have your keys?"

"Will you be able to handle going by yourself, do you need me to come with you?" she asked as she dropped her key into my hand.

"No, I think I'll be alright, I'm really in total control right now."

I gave her a reassuring smile that I could handle it and headed towards the door. The parking lot was empty as most of the students had already made it to their classrooms. I strolled across the parking lot at an agonizingly slow pace as it would have been much more fun to sprint across it at full speed, but I had to be sure not to do anything foolish in case someone should happen to see me. I made it to Kate's car, retrieved my notebook, and started heading back towards the school.

It was at that time I stopped dead in my tracks. A shiny silver Volvo had just pulled in a few spaces away. I shook my head in disbelief, trying to convince myself that anyone could happen to have a shiny silver Volvo and it was no need to hyperventilate. Of course I didn't even need to breathe anymore, but I chose to hold my breath anyway.

I couldn't tear my eyes away as I watched in horror what happened next. The man got out of his car and also seemed to stop dead in his tracks as he stared at me, staring at him. If my heart could beat it would have been beating straight out of my chest. I didn't know what to think, I couldn't even move as my mind began to race incoherent thoughts. It had been five years since I had seen him. Five years since my heart broke into a million pieces. Five years since he promised me I would never see him again. And yet here I was, face to face, with none other than Edward Cullen.