Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries nor its characters. They belong to L.J. Smith, Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, The CW Network, and whoever else.
Note/Warning: Written after the S1 finale, set during that episode. Can be seen as a companion piece to 'The Lost Girl', because I love using Peter Pan references with Anna.
Straight On 'Til Morning
It hurts.
She knows she's being unfair to him. She knows she's been rushing him, pushing him. She knows she should have known better.
But her heart got carried away. She let herself conjure up fantasies and call them potential futures; the second time she's done that with a boy, and both times that boy has been one Jeremy Gilbert.
Damn him, she can't just let go.
And it hurts.
Once again she's lost. She's never been this lost - at least before she'd known her destination. She hadn't known how to get there, not for a very long time, but she'd known where she needed to be. Now she's lost, and there's nowhere to go.
He has a life to lead. He has places to go, a path to find and start walking. He could be her destination, she could be his guide.
There's nothing else left.
And it hurts.
He's young, he's confused, he's lost (but at least he knows it). He's torn, he's conflicted, and she can't fault him.
Still, she'd dared to hope. She'd let her hopes rise high, and there's only herself to blame. She isn't a teenager, and he is. Even after all these decades behind her, she still has a hard time remembering that.
Especially where Jeremy Gilbert is concerned.
And it hurts.
Momma's gone. Gone for good; there's nothing left for her now except life on her own. It happens all the time, but she just never thought she was really meant for that; a bird forced from the nest.
Ben and Noah and Harper are gone. The dozens of lost boys she dazzled with pixie dust and immortality are all gone, finding their own homes. Her Neverland's abandoned.
She wonders if Peter Pan ever felt pain when it hit him that Wendy Darling grew up and moved on.
Because she hurts.
It's just not fair. For either of them; she knows he's in pain, he's been in pain, and she'd thought before she could understand. Now she truly does, and she wasn't even close before the horror show she came home to just a few nights ago.
But in her world, people weren't supposed to grow up, grow old, fade away. She wishes she could forget as easily as that impish little boy James Barrie created. She wishes she could escape to Neverland, and never remember the pain.
Everyone else in her life is dead. Jeremy Gilbert is alive.
But that's enough for her to put off Neverland for a little bit longer. And what kind of lost girl would she be to leave without facing Captain Hook anyway? She'll play pirate to save her lost boy. Maybe when all's said and done he'll change his mind, and second star to the right will be their destination together.
Maybe then it won't hurt.