This assumes that Bones accepted Booth's plea in front of the Hoover Building instead of turning him down. The events of this story take place one year later, neither of them having left the country for any length of time, and no Hannah situation. Naturally this one is purely for fun. I hope you enjoy this one.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Booth was whistling a spirited tune as he walked through the large apartment that he and Bones now lived in. They'd moved in only a week before and it was a whole lot better than the split time nonsense. He'd had to eat a lot of humble pie in order to accept the quite large differential in what each of them put forward for this place, but he had to admit it was worth it. Nearly 5,000 square feet of space all for them. He'd been doing his damnedest to make sure they spent some time christening the various rooms, but they'd only made a small dent in the project. At the moment he was wondering where the love of his life was and if she was interested in christening a couple of more rooms this evening. It had been a slow day so he had plenty of energy stored up which meant that Junior and the Boys were quite ready to do their part and then some!
Rounding the corner he saw something odd at the kitchen counter. Bones was there at the counter with a number of silver bowls, good sized ones at that, pondering on something. His ultra sensitive mental alert system went into high gear for some reason, and he got suddenly very nervous. Shaking his head to clear those thoughts, he went over to the counter to take a look. What he saw put him on instant high alert once more. His eyes almost popped out and his mouth went dry. There on the counter were eight silver bowls, one of them a large one, and all eight of them were filled with an assortment of condoms! And that wasn't all! Oh, no! Right there on the counter were tubes and tubes of lube! His mind took him places he didn't want to go as he saw one label in glaring bold letters: Slip 'n' Glide (The Best in Anal Pleasure!). He was going to be shouted down as a total freak and pervert by Mitch just for seeing this stuff!
"Uh...Bones?" he finally managed to squeak. He hated how soprano like his voice was all of a sudden!
Bones looked up and smiled. She was always happy to see him close. The last year had been like a dream, and had proven that he had been right about relationships all along. "You're just in time," she told him. "What do you think?" she asked, gesturing at all the sexual paraphernalia.
"Well...uh... think you...uh...WAY overestimated Junior's stamina, Bones, no matter how much we've been hitting the sheets lately," he said with as much tact as he could. What the Hell did she think he was, a sexual machine with God like stamina? Because if that was the case she was in for some serious disappointment!
"Oh, these aren't just for you," she assured him as she placed a couple of impressively large dildos on the counter. "This is all for the Housewarming Orgy this weekend."
Booth's jaw about hit the floor. "ORGY!" he shouted, his manly tone back in working order.
"Well you did say that you were interested in possibly 'spicing up' our sex life a couple of weeks ago," she pointed out.
Booth was almost hyperventilating. "Bones," he tried to be nice and not begin shouting in horror. "I was thinking of maybe the old tried and true crotchless panty routine. Not an ORGY!" How the Hell someone who had the brain power of his super squint could equate "a little spice" with full on orgy time was absolutely beyond him!
"It's too late to back out now," she informed him. "I've received acceptances from all the people that were invited. Think of it, Booth. A sexual marathon beginning Saturday afternoon and not ending until we have a celebratory dinner Sunday afternoon at five, which I've arranged to have catered."
Booth felt dizzy and nauseous. A 24 hour plus sex fest! And most of it on the Lord's Day! Oh, God! He was going to be hitting the flames in the afterlife for sure, he just knew it! As he was about to open his mouth to try and protest one more time Bones beat him to the punch.
"As you are not bisexual, Booth, you won't be required to have any sexual contact with any of the other men that will be attending," she informed him. "But as one of the hosts it is good form to at least have some sexual contact with the all of the women who will be in attendance. Each of them expressed decided interest in 'taking that Stallion for a ride' as Carolyn Julian put it when she accepted the invitation. I assured them that you will give them a superb riding experience."
Booth was doing all he could not to vomit all over the place. The mental image of men on men was bad enough, but the idea of having to sexually satisfy Carolyn Julian was sending his delicate digestive system into overdrive! He loved Carolyn, but absolutely not in any form of sexual way!
"Real generous of you, Bones," he muttered, looking a little green at the gills. He wondered if he had anymore Pepto lying around.
"Needless to say Ms. Wick was letting forth with extremely high pitched squeals of enthusiasm at the idea of spending time with you," Bones continued. She picked up the bottle of lube he'd focused on a moment before. "She suggested this as her favored lubricant for the kind of sexual play she would like most to engage in with you."
Booth could feel his gag reflex losing its battle to tamp down the roiling of his stomach. "Uh...Bones? I...uh...don't feel so good...uh...I think I'm going to lay down after I drink a bottle of Pepto...," he managed to get out as he turned around and started walking on buckling legs back to the bedroom.
"I'll bring you some peppermint tea to help your stomach," Bones told him. "Oh! There's one other guest you should know about."
Booth turned a jaundiced face to her, dreading what she was going to say next. "Another guest?" he questioned. Given that she likely invited every one they worked with and their significant others (though how she convinced all of them a friendly little orgy was a great way to spend a housewarming was beyond him!) he was bracing himself to stave off the likely nauseating tsunami sure to hit said delicate digestive system.
"Sam Cullen's secretary," Bones told him. "She's a widow and I invited her thinking that she would appreciate the opportunity to see herself once more as a sexually desirable woman. She phoned me this afternoon to very enthusiastically accept the invitation. She mentioned how she has always liked you, calling you a 'Handsome Devil'."
Booth went suddenly pale as a ghost and ran to the master bedroom and the en suite. He barely made it to the toilet before letting loose the entire contents of what he'd likely ever had to eat in his life and then some. What Bones didn't know was that Mrs. Hendricks, the sweet, kind secretary to Sam Cullen was a dead ringer for his late, Saintly, Beloved Grandmother. The images going through his head from all that Bones had mentioned, and now this, had him fervently praying to the Porcelain God like never before! Junior and the Boys were doing their best to shrivel and hide, vowing never to be seen for the foreseeable future. Needless to say the whole christening project had bit the dust for the time being!
About fifteen minutes later, once the dry heaves had subsided for the moment, he shakily got a new bottle of Pepto out of the medicine cabinet and promptly guzzled about half the bottle in one go. Not even caring about the horrid after taste, he took the bottle and a cool, damp washcloth to the bedroom where he laid down on the bed, placing the folded washcloth on his forehead and closed his eyes. He hadn't felt so sick since he had to go through a minor stay in rehab after his recovery from his war injuries to wean him off the morphine. This whole situation was so out in left field that he was wondering if it was some sort of hallucination!
"I brought you some peppermint tea, Booth," Bones said as she entered the bedroom with a cup of the tea.
Booth struggled to sit up and moaned as he finally managed it. He stayed silent as he took the tea and sipped it carefully.
"There's one more thing I need to let you know," Bones told him.
Booth felt like crying. This nightmare just wasn't going to end! His shoulders slumped a bit further. "Alright, lay it on me, Bones," he said, his stomach clenching in fear.
Bones leaned in, a smile on her face. "April Fool's, Booth," she said in a mischievous tone.
A/N: Now we all know that Booth would have had a much more vocal reaction to the idea that Bones had planned an all out orgy, but this was in what would have been late season 6 if this were to fit in the series timeline. Remember that in this AU Bones didn't turn him down in front of the Hoover, and they didn't go to opposite ends of the Earth for seven months, so no Hannah. Bones and he would have a great relationship, but she is still growing and maturing into the woman she became later in the series. I think she would have interjected more and more into the mix before he could respond, thus causing him to become somewhat ill at the whole thought. I hope you enjoyed this new April Fool's story! Gregg.