1 Title: Feelings so Hard to Kill
2 Author: Ginger
Email: Katharina_angel1@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon and UPN.
Rating: PG13 for now
Summary: What happens after Normal Again
Authors note: Hope you like it. It's my first fanfic.
3 Timeline: The night after Normal Again
Feedback: Please Review.
4
5 Chapter 1
Her now short hair fluttered in her ears as she ran out her anger and frustration. A million thoughts raced through her mind, and no matter how hard she tried to direct her thoughts away from the bleached nightmare and the events of that afternoon, they were all she could think about.
'Did he mean it?' thought Buffy settling on thinking about Spike, because he was the second most disturbing train of though, as she slowed down to register her surroundings. ' The graveyard. How is it that the worst part of my life revolves around this place and still when I need comfort, a distraction or a reason to go on living I find myself here.'
She continued to walk passed tombstones, not watching where she was going only allowing her self to be guided on instinct. She cleared her mind, listened and tried to find peace. Of Course she couldn't find it. Not after what happened earlier that day. 'How could I have just given up like that? ... Did I make the right decision? ... Is this real, or just my mental hospital worthy brain, giving this story another twist? ...' Buffy cringed as these questions flew around in her head. Then she thought of her biggest problem, 'Will they ever forgive me? Will Dawn ever forgive me?'
She looked up at her surroundings and recognized where she was. "Buffy Summers. She saved the world a lot." As Buffy read the words on her tombstone she broke down crying. " I...bet th...they won't...put th...that on my...next one." She managed between sobs. She hadn't come back here since awoke in her grave and was forced to crawl her way out like a Vampire so many months before 'They'll probably put 'Buffy Summers. Maybe she'll realize now this world is real.'' With that as her last coherent thought she cried herself into a fitful sleep on her grave.
"Hey Dawny," said Willow with a forced cheerfulness as Dawn walked into the kitchen where Willow was cleaning the dishes.
" Hey" replied Dawn with none of Willows attempts. "So...Buffy's back to her usual non-existent self."
"Huh...I thought she was still sleeping after her rough day yesterday." A note of concern entering Willow's voice. "Never heard her go out last night. But then again she could have just snuk out the window like she used to."
"Nope...but I guess it's better this way. Now she can avoid us and pretend this is her perfect reality. You know the one without the sister who is a freak and steals her quality time with mom and dad"
"What are you talking about. You're one of the few reasons she tries to survive each day. Do you know how easy it would have been for her just to give up, not to have to deal with the pain I caused her. We were all that held her in this dimension. You're the reason she works at that horrible job each night and comes home smelling like grease." Willow said sharply. "And do you think you have been any help always complaining about your own problems. Thinking that the world revolves around you. Grow up! Buffy has it hard enough trying to live. Up until a month or so ago she didn't care if she died. Can you really blame her for not wanting to be here. For a moment believing that maybe the world with demons in it isn't real, and she isn't a super hero, with unreal powers... For believing that she never left the mental hospital where her parents put her 6 years ago." Willow finished her uncharacteristic rant.
Dawn felt about as small as an ant. Willow was right. All she ever thought about was her self. She never even considered how Buffy might feel. Buffy had always been the strong one. The one that could save the world. Maybe that wasn't the real Buffy, just a cover, a cover probably put up to protect Dawn from the truth. That she could die any moment. And when she finally died and got to rest, without the pain and fear she had lived with for 5 years. She got dragged back into this reality where she had to fight every second against the world. And I only made it harder.
"I feel better now." Said Willow firmly. "Let's go find Buffy."
"It isn't your fault you know," said Dawn, realizing for the first time the rest of what Willow had said. "You only wanted to help her."
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Whispered Willow quietly. As they exited out the kitchen door with Dawn in toe.
TBC
Ps. Hope you liked it. Don't worry the next chapter will be more interesting. I just had to set up the emotions, and yell at Dawn.
2 Author: Ginger
Email: Katharina_angel1@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon and UPN.
Rating: PG13 for now
Summary: What happens after Normal Again
Authors note: Hope you like it. It's my first fanfic.
3 Timeline: The night after Normal Again
Feedback: Please Review.
4
5 Chapter 1
Her now short hair fluttered in her ears as she ran out her anger and frustration. A million thoughts raced through her mind, and no matter how hard she tried to direct her thoughts away from the bleached nightmare and the events of that afternoon, they were all she could think about.
'Did he mean it?' thought Buffy settling on thinking about Spike, because he was the second most disturbing train of though, as she slowed down to register her surroundings. ' The graveyard. How is it that the worst part of my life revolves around this place and still when I need comfort, a distraction or a reason to go on living I find myself here.'
She continued to walk passed tombstones, not watching where she was going only allowing her self to be guided on instinct. She cleared her mind, listened and tried to find peace. Of Course she couldn't find it. Not after what happened earlier that day. 'How could I have just given up like that? ... Did I make the right decision? ... Is this real, or just my mental hospital worthy brain, giving this story another twist? ...' Buffy cringed as these questions flew around in her head. Then she thought of her biggest problem, 'Will they ever forgive me? Will Dawn ever forgive me?'
She looked up at her surroundings and recognized where she was. "Buffy Summers. She saved the world a lot." As Buffy read the words on her tombstone she broke down crying. " I...bet th...they won't...put th...that on my...next one." She managed between sobs. She hadn't come back here since awoke in her grave and was forced to crawl her way out like a Vampire so many months before 'They'll probably put 'Buffy Summers. Maybe she'll realize now this world is real.'' With that as her last coherent thought she cried herself into a fitful sleep on her grave.
"Hey Dawny," said Willow with a forced cheerfulness as Dawn walked into the kitchen where Willow was cleaning the dishes.
" Hey" replied Dawn with none of Willows attempts. "So...Buffy's back to her usual non-existent self."
"Huh...I thought she was still sleeping after her rough day yesterday." A note of concern entering Willow's voice. "Never heard her go out last night. But then again she could have just snuk out the window like she used to."
"Nope...but I guess it's better this way. Now she can avoid us and pretend this is her perfect reality. You know the one without the sister who is a freak and steals her quality time with mom and dad"
"What are you talking about. You're one of the few reasons she tries to survive each day. Do you know how easy it would have been for her just to give up, not to have to deal with the pain I caused her. We were all that held her in this dimension. You're the reason she works at that horrible job each night and comes home smelling like grease." Willow said sharply. "And do you think you have been any help always complaining about your own problems. Thinking that the world revolves around you. Grow up! Buffy has it hard enough trying to live. Up until a month or so ago she didn't care if she died. Can you really blame her for not wanting to be here. For a moment believing that maybe the world with demons in it isn't real, and she isn't a super hero, with unreal powers... For believing that she never left the mental hospital where her parents put her 6 years ago." Willow finished her uncharacteristic rant.
Dawn felt about as small as an ant. Willow was right. All she ever thought about was her self. She never even considered how Buffy might feel. Buffy had always been the strong one. The one that could save the world. Maybe that wasn't the real Buffy, just a cover, a cover probably put up to protect Dawn from the truth. That she could die any moment. And when she finally died and got to rest, without the pain and fear she had lived with for 5 years. She got dragged back into this reality where she had to fight every second against the world. And I only made it harder.
"I feel better now." Said Willow firmly. "Let's go find Buffy."
"It isn't your fault you know," said Dawn, realizing for the first time the rest of what Willow had said. "You only wanted to help her."
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Whispered Willow quietly. As they exited out the kitchen door with Dawn in toe.
TBC
Ps. Hope you liked it. Don't worry the next chapter will be more interesting. I just had to set up the emotions, and yell at Dawn.