Only the second time I wrote in english, so please, be nice?
Based on The Kill by 30 Seconds To Mars

What if I wanted to break?

Every night, every day, every moment of happiness, every moment of sadness. I could end it all, just with one sentence, and so could he.

But what would he do if I said it? If I couldn't take it anymore, if it all just becomes too much?

I really want to say it, but I'm just so afraid of what he would do. It would be a lot easier if he just said it. If he said, "Jane, it's over between us." I wouldn't even be mad.

What if I suddenly became annoying as hell? Could that be all he needs to break up with me?

I could forget to feed his stupid goldfish, or take his gun to work with me instead of mine. I could wash his ties too hot, or stop cooking and switch to fast food every day. Maybe he'll notice that I'm done with him.

Yeah, I could do that. Or I could make it easy for both of us and just tell Gabriel that I don't want this anymore.

Maybe, he wouldn't be mad either. He often said that he wanted more. He wants to marry me, and have children, but he only mentioned it once, months ago. If he still wants those things, then what is he waiting for? I'm not running from him, yet…

It's been going on for a while now, and now I'm wondering when he looked in my eyes this morning, could he see that he's killing me?

At one time, he was all that I wanted, I changed a lot for him. I became more lady-like. I cook every day, come home early, I even go to the gym with him once a week. Gabriel is a good guy. My mother likes him, he's with the FBI, he's good-looking and my best friend likes him.

But that's where it goes wrong, my best friend.

I've always been attracted to my best friend. At first, I was a bit shocked, I've never been attracted to a woman before. But with Maura, it felt okay. It felt okay, until I realized I was falling in love with her.

Only a couple of weeks after that realization, I started dating Gabriel. It was the safest thing for me to do at that moment. My mother stopped worrying about my love life and I had someone to fall in love with without further problems.

I thought that all the changes I made for him would be worth it, but they're not. I'm not in love with Gabriel, I'm still in love with Maura, and by now, I've come to accept that. It's simply who I am. I'm not in love with a man, but a woman. I'm not somebody who comes home early, but works 'till I have the bad guy.

That is just who I really am, and now that I've found myself, I want to fight, and give the real me a chance.

'What are you thinking of?' I look up, straight into his eyes, and collect all the courage I have.

'What If I wanted to break?'

What do you think?