All little girls grow up with daydreams. When she was young, Bethany dreamed of being a princess. She would drag Hawke out to play "Princesses" in the meadow outside Lothering, her big sister playing the part of the handsome young prince who would sweep her away and promise her true love. Then when they were finished playing her game, they would play "Grey Wardens". Hawke would chase around Carver with a wooden stick, pretending he was the Archdemon, and would rescue Bethany from his clutches. Sometimes she let Carver be a Grey Warden too, but only if he was on his best behaviour.
The first time she had actually seen a Grey Warden, she was 12 years old, watching as a troop moved through the village. She had hidden behind a barrel with Bethany, barely able to breath as her heroes were mere inches from her. The beautiful blue uniforms, the easy laughter of comrades, the sheer strength of them. Just close enough to touch.
She didn't play Grey Wardens after that, growing too embarrassed at her changing fantasies. She wanted to be rescued sometimes too. But neither sibling was quite fit for the part. She wanted someone big and strong, but kind. They would go off on adventures together and in the end, he would always protect her. As she hit adolescence, the fantasy only grew more irresistible and more and more sexual.
Not that she ever had a chance to act on it, of course. Grey Wardens didn't often have business in Lothering and Ostagar was not exactly a good time to seek out a paramour, particularly with all the darkspawn and her little brother about. Besides, she was grown now. She didn't need teenage fantasies to get her off, not when she could have her pick of the men and women in Kirkwall. She had put the silly thought behind her on the trip over the sea. She couldn't be a child anymore, she had to put all those little dreams and desires away. Even this.
However, the minute they walked into Anders' clinic, all this rationality fled out the door. Hawke stood, looking at even this inactive Warden, threatening them in the name of justice, and she felt her jaw drop slightly. She could hear Bethany giggling at her, knowing exactly what was running through her sister's mind.
Between the instant attraction and the childhood fantasy, Hawke found herself actually developing feelings for him. In the Deep Roads, she had decided once and for all that when she returned, she would tell him. Bethany was so pleased, proud that her sister was actually choosing something for herself.
But Bethany was gone. She had died quietly, slowly in Hawke's arms. Hawke felt the years of responsibility, of burden, and the sense of utter and profound loss. The little girl in the meadow, the little girl who danced and giggled, she was dead. Both her little siblings were gone, buried under the weight of this darkness.
There was nothing she wanted to say to Anders then. It didn't seem right to dwell on childhood things...to dwell on love, not when she had failed those so often, not when she couldn't even save them.
Yet in those three years that followed, it was hard to entirely put away that lust. Seeing him smile, seeing him walk in that confident stance, it was enough to make her blush. A girl could dream after all. And it seemed only fair. For years now her Mother had tried to set her up with profoundly boring men, the nobles who would dance and talk of inconsequential things, who ate like birds when so much food surrounded them. Her dreams of adventure, of bravery, all led to imagining Anders there at arms length, dancing with her, imagining him whispering to her about a back alley that had their name on it.
It was after one of these insipid parties that she found herself lying alone in her room, her mother talking to the staff downstairs as they cleared the hall. Hawke laid back, her hand snaking between her legs. She gasped, holding her hand over her mouth as she shook, thinking of Anders' body around her, of his hands on her face as he kissed her harder than she had ever been kissed before.
She caught herself, blushing as she realized how pathetic she was becoming. She could have taken anyone to her bed from that party, but instead she was so eager to be alone, to be caught up in her own pleasure and desires.
She was restless and rose, dressing in plainer clothes. She knew her friends would be at the Hanged Man. Perhaps she could get her mind off of things.
oOoOo
Hawke smiled foolishly as she saw Anders enter the bar and she tried to hide her grin. It wasn't polite to stare at people you had just masturbated to. Isabela smirked, nudging her slightly. Hawke pushed her away affectionately as Anders sat down.
"What's going on, Blondie?" Varric asked, passing him a beer, "You're later than usual. And looking more dour than ever."
"Thanks," Anders said, taking a sip, "I've been packing. I'm going back to Ferelden."
Hawke's heart sank in her chest as she asked, "Why?"
"It's just for a few weeks hopefully," Anders replied, "My former Commander is under investigation. They're calling for witnesses from an incident a few years ago."
He paused, taking another drink before he said softly, "She's in real trouble. I never wanted to go back...but she saved my life. She's a good woman, one of the best people I've ever known. There's only three people in the world who can testify her innocence. If there's a chance I can help her, I have to go. I've got a bit of coin, I can probably find a ship headed that way."
Isabela shook her head, "I'll get you there. I have a friend who owes me a few favours. I can manage to get us a little ship for a few weeks. We'll leave as soon as we can."
"Us?"
"You're not going alone," Merrill protested, "It's an adventure."
"I'm in," Varric said, "It'll give me good fodder for my latest book."
Aveline shook her head, "You kids have fun. Fenris and I will hold down the fort, won't we?"
The elf rolled his eyes, drinking wine straight from the bottle.
Anders turned to Hawke, "It would be weird going without our fearless leader."
Hawke blushed, "I could stand to get out of the city for awhile. Okay, Bela. Make it happen."
oOoOoOo
They arrived in the port of Amaranthine within the week, the seasick party happy to be back on solid ground. Hawke shivered as she got off the boat, pulling her coat closer around her shoulders.
"It's about a two hour hike to Vigil's Keep," Anders reminded, "Pick up whatever supplies you need in the city, but we need to head out. It will be dark soon and the roads are dangerous at night."
"He's rather sexy when he's in charge," Isabela commented, causing Hawke to flush, "I wouldn't mind serving under him."
"Let's just go now," Hawke squeaked.
Anders shrugged, "All right, let's go. If we're lucky, we'll make it before sundown."
After about forty minutes of watching Anders walk before her, a slight sway in his step that left little to the imagination, he stopped suddenly, causing Hawke to run straight into him.
He caught her and she stammered, "Everything okay?"
Anders stepped forward, pulling out his staff, "Darkspawn. Maybe a dozen. They're not far now, be ready."
Hawke placed her hand on her sword, hearing the cries of the creatures nearby. She saw the genlock first and ran forward, shield out protectively as she stood in front of the mages. She sliced the creature down the best she could, hesitating as she saw the ogre climb over the hill. She thought of Carver, his crumpled form and she found herself transfixed. The creature swung towards her and she felt herself be pushed out of the way. She fell, looking up as the ogre smashed Anders to the ground. She screamed out, chasing the ogre, climbing up its leg before stabbing it in the heart.
It fell and she tumbled beside Anders. The other darkspawn fled as she helped him sit up, Anders wheezing to catch his breath.
"I'm fine," he groaned.
"You're bleeding," Merrill pointed out, "Shirt off. You're clawed to bits."
Anders sighed, taking his coat off, "That's a bit of an exaggeration."
Hawke felt her jaw drop as she saw Anders' half naked form, the muscles in his back flexed as Merrill ran a healing hand over the wound. Hawke's glance moved up onto his left shoulder.
She stuttered, "Is that...is that a griffon?"
Anders laughed, looking over his shoulder before pulling his shirt back on, "I forgot about that. Nate and I got them when we were drunk. He has one on the right shoulder so we could make them kiss."
The idea was enough to send Hawke into a swoon. The two Wardens, a little tipsy, shirtless, their bodies pressed against each other-
Anders raised an eyebrow and she laughed awkwardly, "Sorry, mind is in the clouds, I'm just not in it today."
"Or ever," Isabela teased.
"We should move on," Anders said, stretching his healed back.
Hawke floated behind him, grinning as she tried not to sheepishly giggle.
oOoOoOo
They entered the Keep at Sunset, seeing three Grey Wardens waiting for them at the Gate.
"Nate!" Anders shouted, running forth to hug the tallest man, "It's so good to see you!"
"It's good to see you, brother!" Nathaniel chuckled, "You're just on time. Come on, we're all excited to see you. Ser Pounce just had another litter, you'll have to see this one kitten, he looks just like Oghren."
"Now there's a tall drink of water," Isabela murmured, her and Merrill tilting their heads to better see the pair walking into the fortress.
"Right here, ladies," Varric grumbled.
They entered the hall together, others coming forth to greet Anders. She caught a few names. There was a cheerful dwarf named Sigrun who practically attached herself to Merrill as they skipped off. The assembly paused as the Warden Commander walked into the room.
Commander Tabris was not a large woman, but she had a presence as she stepped forth. However, the most remarkable thing about the petite elven woman was her large, swollen belly.
Anders laughed, scooping her into a hug, "You little minx! No one told me you were expecting! How did this happen? Who's the daddy? Please, please tell me it's the King's."
Tabris laughed, "It's a long story. I'll catch you up a bit later. Let's say Weisshaupt is not quite as pleased as you."
Anders took her hand, "Tell me everything."
"Get your companions settled in," she smiled, kissing him on the cheek, "We have plenty of time."
The Commander left and the Wardens saluted. The group broke up, leaving Nathaniel with their party.
"What's going on, Nate?" Anders asked, "Your letter only said-"
"Weisshaupt has been suspicious for awhile about the things happening in Ferelden," Nathaniel explained as he led them upstairs, "There was an investigation three years ago, but now that word's gotten out about the pregnancy...well, the Wardens can no longer ignore what's going on. Wardens don't get pregnant. Wardens don't survive killing the Archdemon. They think the Architect is involved, but I don't know exactly what they want to know."
"How did this happen then?" Anders asked.
"She said she'll explain everything at the trial. She's worried that telling us will just get us too involved. Just tell them what happened, the best you can remember. Go get some rest, brother. The trial will be in the morning, you should get some rest."
"Tomorrow?" Anders laughed, "But it's Solstice. Will the Nobles be willing to give up their Ball? That alone would be enough for them to throw her in the stocks."
Nathaniel rolled his eyes, "I told the Commander not to have it, but she's stubborn. She refused to go see the Warden Commission, she's refused to give up this Ball. Everything has to be business as usual. You'll be expected to make an appearance, of course. It'll make her happy."
"No one told me there was going to be a party," Isabela complained, "None of us have anything to wear."
"You do not have to go," Anders reminded.
Varric scoffed, "Blondie, we want to go to the party. We came all of this way. I better get some good ale and a good time out of all of this."
"Fine," Anders groaned, "There's merchants in the Square every day. You can go shopping in the morning."
"Go get some sleep," Nathaniel coaxed, "Tomorrow's going to be a long day."
oOoOoOo
After an interesting experience trying on dresses in the snow, the four of them made snuck their way into the Great Hall of Vigil's Keep. They sat on the balcony with others who had slunk in, facing the table of the five stern Senior Wardens, displeased looks on all of their faces.
The crowd rose as Tabris entered the room and crossed the floor, sitting down regally. Tabris exuded a confidence that Hawke found very appealing. She caught herself and glanced away, scolding herself. Really? All it took was a Warden uniform now?
She looked up as the Senior Warden, a man named Stroud, stood, facing Tabris.
"Warden Commander Aria Tabris," he announced, "You stand accused of treason, endangering the City of Amaranthine and your lands, and betraying the Grey Wardens. This trial whether you are fit to hold your post. We have invited certain members of Vigil's Keep for accountability, for your actions affect all. However, the information shared here in sensitive in nature and any who speak of this trial outside of this room will face severe penalties."
"So much for my book," Varric grumbled.
"Commander, how do you plead?"
"Not guilty," she said firmly.
Another Warden stood, an elven mage named Fiona, and addressed her, "Commander Tabris, in previous reports, you have detailed the sentient darkspawn known as the Architect. You expressed that the creature was slain after abandoning the city of Amaranthine-"
Tabris interrupted, "I did not abandon the city. I ordered troops to remain in the city. When it was suggested to burn the city, I rejected the idea. My priority was to the Keep and the Wardens. The decision was made by those I left behind."
"Regardless," Fiona continued, "You say that three Wardens followed you into the Architect's den. Nathaniel, Anders, and Sigrun. I am told all three have been located in order to testify today. Despite your claims to have killed the Architect and the creature known as "The Mother", Amaranthine has still faced darkspawn threats. And now you are pregnant-something that only one female Warden has done before, also having contact with this Darkspawn. So I ask you, is the Architect still alive?"
"No," Tabris replied.
"Then how do you explain yourself?"
Tabris looked over at the three Witnesses standing to the side, and then to the crowd.
"We collected the research from the Architect," she explained, "It and the data from Soldier's Peak that I sent to Orlais as a back up. We have been implementing some of its research in order to ease the transition of Wardens after the Joining. We've come up with a treatment that can help heal some of the damage of the Taint. We may have even postponed the Calling indefinitely."
A murmur went through the crowd and she continued, "I started testing it myself about a year ago. I did not want to subject my men to something I was not willing to do myself. The Architect is not responsible for this. I am."
"Thank you, Commander," Fiona said, "I call the first Witness, Nathaniel Howe."
They watched as the first two witnesses described the events of that terrible day, moving them all at times to tears. Both confirmed without reservation that the Architect was dead.
And then Anders came out. Hawke's heart practically stopped. He was dressed in the blue robes of the Wardens, silverite embroidered into the fabric, a chest plate depicting Griffons covering his ribs. His eyes were serious as he walked towards the stand, an odd grace to his step that she had not seen before.
Fiona asked, "Anders, will you tell us what happened that day?"
Anders stood, his arms behind him as he spoke, "I was in Amaranthine when the darkspawn attacked. I was in the Chantry, helping make up beds for the night. I asked the Commander to let me stay behind, but she refused. I know I would not survived if I had, but...but sometimes I think about all of those we left behind. Sometimes I wonder if I could have saved a few more."
He looked out at the crowd, glancing upwards to meet Hawke's gaze briefly, before he turned back to Fiona, "The battle at the Keep was a blur to me. I remember when Varel fell...he was a good man, a kind man. I wanted to go after the darkspawn then, I was so...so angry. It didn't seem right, all this death. I felt like we had to do something, anything. When the Architect found us, the other two voted to execute him and I didn't protest. I trusted my Commander, I still trust her."
"Is the Architect dead?"
"Yes," Anders said angrily, "I'd kill him again if I could."
Hawke's heart pounded in her chest, the sight of him made her yearn to kiss him, to hold him, anything for that look of utter loss to fade. But still, this vengeful Warden look he had going on was rather attractive.
He sat down again as Fiona spoke, "I have a final question for the Commander, if I may."
Tabris nodded.
"Is the father of your child a Warden?"
Tabris hesitated and then nodded.
"Someone else who has had this treatment?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
Tabris growled, "That's not-"
"I am."
The crowed turned, seeing Loghain step forth from the line of Wardens at the back of the room. Gasps filled the audience and Isabela stifled a giggle.
The Senior Wardens looked at each other in confusion as Tabris and Loghain exchanged a weary smile before he stepped back into line.
Stroud cleared his throat and said, "We will adjourn. The verdict will be read as soon as it is available."
The court dispersed, Loghain stepping forward to gingerly help Tabris to her feet.
"Well," Varric said, "Can't say I saw that one coming."
"This should make for an interesting evening," Isabela chuckled.
"Do you think he'll keep the uniform on?" Hawke asked dreamily.
All three rolled their eyes at her as they left the room.
oOoOoOo
The three ladies made their way down the stairs, dressed more modestly than Isabela would have liked. Hawke was thrilled with her light blue dress, covering most of her, but still showing ample cleavage and her lovely dark skin. She had her curls tied up, letting a few slip down around her ears.
As the made their way into the Great Hall, now cleared for drinking and dancing, she saw Anders turn around, smiling at her. She coughed nervously, seeing him in his formal uniform, his rank embroidered onto his shoulder, the griffon insignia on both arms.
"You all look lovely," he greeted, kissing each on the cheek.
"Well," Isabela said, looking around, "It's not quite as lively as I'm used to, but it will do. Where's sex in boots?"
Anders shook his head, "Nate's over by the refreshments. Good luck. It took me weeks to get him to even flirt."
Merrill giggled, "I'll go find Varric."
Hawke and Anders shared a nervous smile as the other two left.
"Would you care to dance?" He asked, holding his arm out.
She tried to say yes, but it came out as a series of indistinguishable syllables.
He grinned, taking her into a slow waltz.
"Do they teach you how to dance in the Wardens?" She joked, pleased she was once again coherent.
"Justice is the better dancer," he teased, "I was useless until he showed up."
She laughed, relaxing slightly. She beamed up at him, resisting the urge to jump him there and then. Maker. MAKER. Here was Anders, dressed in his regalia, an absolute specimen of every childhood fantasy, everything she had ever wanted and desired. It took every fibre of her being not to throw herself at him and plead him to have sex with her.
"Lost in thoughts again?"
She blushed, "I was just thinking about the Commander. She's rather remarkable, isn't she? You all are, really. I can't imagine everything you all went through together...do you miss it? Miss all this?"
"Well, I do remember telling you once I don't miss the parties," he chuckled, "But...yes, sometimes. I miss the family I had here. I miss first being free, just being reckless and stupid. It's been nice to remember that, even for a little while...but the work I do is more important now. Besides, I can't leave Kirkwall now, someone has to keep you away from ogres."
She sighed, "'I'm sorry, I'm so embarrassed."
"Don't be, it's not every day I get to rescue a damsel in distress."
"Wait, what?" She asked in confusion.
He smiled and she felt like she was floating. He leaned in and in one continuous breath she thought MAKERMAKERHESGOINGTOKISSMEWHATDOIDOMAKERSHITSHITSHIT-
She groaned as he turned from her. She looked over, seeing the masked men entering the room. Anders looked to Tabris, standing with a few nobles across the room. He ran to her.
Hawke grumbled, grabbing the dagger out of her boot.
"Stupid assassins," she muttered as the nobles fled, "Always getting in the way."
She punched the first in the face, kicking him down to the floor, continuing to grumble as she wiped the blood off of her face. She fought her way back towards the Warden Commander, now shielded by several of her men as they tried to get her out of the room. When the six assassins lay dead, Nathaniel and others picked theirthrough their clothes. He whistled over to the Others.
"We're moving out now," Nathaniel ordered, "It's Bann Arthur's men. We can contain this now.
Tabris gasped, panting slightly. She looked over at Loghain, his face pale as he stood beside her, squeezing her hand. She mouthed at him, "Go."
The Wardens moved out, Isabela, Varric, and Merrill running out with them. Anders paused at Hawke's side, stopping her from following.
"Stay here," he ordered, "I need someone I can trust to keep her safe. Don't let her out of your sight."
"Be careful," she whispered.
He grinned before he chased after the others.
"It's easy to love a man in uniform," Tabris joked weakly.
"Come on," Hawke said, offering her arm, "Let's get you to lie down."
oOoOoOo
Tabris looked up weakly from the bed, glaring at Hawke.
"Men," she grumbled, "What a bunch of bastards."
Hawke laughed, squeezing her hand, "They'll be back soon."
"Don't ever get pregnant," Tabris advised, rolling over with a grunt, "Though I imagine Anders will want to start having them right away. You should see him around kittens. I can't imagine how bad he'll be around babies."
Hawke felt flustered, "We're not-"
Tabris groaned, "Listen, life's too short for bullshit. What's the problem? He likes you, you like him. What's holding you back?"
To her great surprise, Hawke told her. She told her about Bethany as a little girl, as Carver growing up, of everyone she had lost. That deep down, she didn't think she was meant to be happy. That little girls don't get to live out their dreams.
Tabris' face softened when she turned back over, holding Hawke's face in her hands.
She said softly, "Even people like us are allowed to be happy every once in awhile. When I came here...I thought it was over. I thought that this was punishment for every one I let down...and then to my great surprise, I was happy. I love my men, I love my work. I never thought I'd have a family again, but I do now. I even love him. That shocks me whenever I say it, but I do."
"Why him?" Hawke asked.
"I ask that myself sometimes," Tabris chuckled, "The man drives me nuts and he's twice my age. But he makes me laugh. He keeps me safe. I make him laugh sometimes too. And when I'm not as big as a whale, I keep him safe."
She patted Hawke's face before letting go, "Come on now. Go keep guard or something and let me have a rest. I'm absolutely exhausted. It's been a long day."
They both looked up as they heard the horns blow through the fortress.
"Go see what it is," Tabris muttered.
"Anders said-"
Tabris waved her off, "You can defend me from downstairs. Go."
Hawke hesitated, locking the door behind her as she ran down into the Keep. She heard the horns blare again and she reached the Seneschal.
"What is it?" She asked over the din.
"Darkspawn," he said fearfully, "We need everyone one we can outside. Is the Arlessa secure?"
Hawke nodded.
"Then get out there. We need to secure the perimeter. Go, go."
Hawke grabbed her sword from her scabbard, rushing out into the snow. She saw them from across the fields, rushing towards the Keep. There were maybe a few dozen, but with so many Wardens gone, it seemed endless.
She looked around in fear, holding her shield up as she charged, the few dozen men behind her as they tried to close the gates.
She took down a hurlock with her shield, stabbing it quickly before moving on. The snow started coming down heavily and she shivered, losing the feeling in her hands. She fought against another, slicing it in two. She kept moving towards the back of the herd, trying to thin them out before they reached the gates.
She heard the cries of the Grey Wardens returning to the Keep and she felt her heart lift. She tried to move towards them, corralling them away from the walls. It was then she saw them, the twenty men and women, her friends trailing behind, returning. She saw Anders' face, stern and poised, the blue echoing in his eyes.
She heard his shout, but did not understand as the blow hit her shoulder. She screamed, rolling to her side as the hurlock tried to pierce her skin. She struck upwards, slicing its head off as she tried to stand again. She stumbled, her head aching as another descended on her.
In that moment, she felt an aura around her, her skin tingling as her fatigue washed away. She stood, teeth bared as cut through the creature. She did not turn, but knew that Anders had his back to hers, his staff wielded outwards in protection. When the horns blew again, the gates opening as the last darkspawn fell, the Wardens streamed back into the Keep, leaving only them behind in the snow.
Hawke explained, "I know you said to-"
Hawke groaned as his hands grasped her face and he kissed her, moaning into her mouth. She didn't think as he pushed her against the wall of the Keep, his hands pulling down her leggings. Their eyes met and she nodded hungrily.
She kissed him as she slid her legs around his waist, hearing his belt jingle as he pulled down his pants, just enough to allow his hardened cock free. She groaned as he pushed himself inside. She was so wet, she had been absolutely aching for exactly this. They gasped together as he thrust desperately, holding her to him as he kissed her again hard.
She looked at him in his uniform, his face dirty, his hands rough on her body, and she laughed with joy. She unraveled as he moved, harder and deeper. She touched her clit as he kept going, moaning into her ear.
She came the second time as his knees buckled slightly, allowing her feet to touch the ground again. He kissed her, biting her lip before gasping, pushing into her in a few shallow thrusts as he came, spilling into her.
The reality of the situation suddenly dawned on her and she went bright red. She started to stammer but he kissed her softly, tenderly. She melted into his touch, lingering for a moment before they dressed.
"Bethany told me once you had a thing for Grey Wardens," he teased, kissing her nose, "It seemed cruel to tease you any longer."
He rested his forehead against hers and murmured, "Come on. Let's go inside. You'll freeze out here."
oOoOoOo
The two barely made it to Anders' old room, discarding their clothes at the door. The second time was slower, sweeter, and utterly, utterly perfect. They laid side by side, Anders falling asleep.
She smiled, looking over his body, tracing her fingers over that tattoo.
"I love you," he murmured, stroking her leg, "I love you so much."
"You've said that already," she laughed affectionately, "Get some sleep."
He pulled her down into his arms, kissing her neck. She giggled, closing her eyes as she curled inside of his frame.
While she had been thrilled to have had sex with a Grey Warden (outside the fortress! after battle! if only teenage Hawke could see her now!), she was much happier to go to bed with Anders.
oOoOoOo
The trial adjourned near noon, the Keep celebrating the Warden Commander's innocence. Anders walked out of the Great Hall, beaming as he reached Hawke's side.
He kissed her and whispered dirtily, "Come on, I saw a back hallway with our name on it."
She only giggled and let him lead her away.