The bedroom was dark when Tony woke. It had taken him a while to get used to the loss of his nightlight, but he'd gotten there. Mostly.
"Jarvis?" he whispered.
Silence.
A quick glance showed Pepper wasn't in bed. He let the shattered breath he would not call a sob escape.
The lights came up to 30 percent. "Are you all right, sir?" Jarvis' calm, cultured voice asked.
The sob was bigger, but much less painful. "Bad dream, J."
"What can I do for you, sir?"
He fought his breath back under control. "Morning report."
"It is 5:04 AM, Friday, May 1st, 2015. The weather in New York City is expected to be clear . . ."
Tony sat up as Jarvis spoke. The dream was fading but had dug hooks in deep. The world gone mad, destruction everywhere, and all his fault again. Dreams within dreams, everyone dead at his feet, Cap with his shield broken and telling Tony he hadn't done enough.
He jumped out of bed and found clothes that met social standards. "I'm headed to the lab, Jarvis."
"I am not surprised, sir."
He stumbled, imagining his life without that genteel, sarcastic voice in his ear. He pushed himself on.
On the common floor, he paused. A small mountain of burger wrappers crowned the coffee table. So last night's gargantuan taste test of fast food had taken place. People other than himself and Pepper did live here.
The microwave over in the kitchen came on. Clint lurked in front of the machine heating up a bowl of something.
"Barton," Tony breathed.
Clint looked over. "You look like hell. That's what you get for going to bed early."
"You don't have a farm in the country with two kids and a pregnant wife and a crappy tractor, do you?"
Something wistful went over his face. "That sounds nice. Guys in my line of work don't get that kind of nice, though." The microwave beeped, but he paused in opening the door. "Can you imagine what Loki would have done with a family like that? What any of the people who have wanted to hurt me over the years would do?" He took out the bowl and dug for a fork. "Sounds like you should go back to bed."
"Not with what's going on in my head at the moment."
"Point." Clint headed towards the hallway for the balcony, then stopped. "Was it a nice farm?"
"You had me and Cap chopping wood. With hand tools."
Tony relaxed a little at the laugh that got, then went on his way.
The latest iteration of his lab was full of shiny and chrome and bright, blinky lights. They didn't distract him this morning from the drone bays below his feet. It hadn't taken him long to build another army after Clean Slate. Was anyone other than himself fooled by the fact they weren't suits he could wear? He wasn't trying to protect himself as much, but he was still trying to build enough armor to protect the world. Bigger, faster, stronger, smarter-until it all gets away from him again.
He couldn't remember the last time Pepper had worn the ruby pendant he'd given her. And she hadn't complained about having to be gone on business trips in a while.
But there were such horrible things out there. He thought the things that had come through the portal were bad enough, but they also had Hydra and enhanced people and rogue SHIELD and maybe-no-longer-brainwashed assassins-
A beep next to him startled him. He jumped, which made Dummy, poor battle-scarred Dummy, jump too, sloshing the smoothie in its glass.
"This morning's smoothie," Jarvis said, "is 100% organic material and contains no toxic elements. Perhaps Dummy's personal best."
"Thanks, guys," Tony said absently. He took the glass and petted Dummy's head as he drank.
He had to protect this, them, everyone. If he had the power, didn't he have the responsibility to do something, to put up some kind of defense against the things Thor hinted about? His dream had shown him the pitfalls of the current plan, forewarned was forearmed and all that.
"Jarvis, is Bruce up yet?"
"Yes, sir. He and Agent Romanov are doing tai chi on the flight deck."
He paused in draining the smoothie and barely avoided getting a glob in the eye. Bruce-and Natasha? Really?
"You all right, Tony?" Steve stood in the doorway to the lab, frowning.
Tony blinked at him. "What are you doing down here?"
"I saw Clint, he said you looked spooked."
"Bad dream. Are you looking for a place to live in Brooklyn?"
Steve snorted. "Not anymore. Our old slumlord couldn't afford the rents over there these days. Why, are you getting sick of us living here?"
"No! God, no, it's nice not rattling around up here by myself. It was just-a thought."
Steve studied him. "One of those kinds of dreams, huh? A life close enough to what you've got that you're not sure where you are when you wake up?"
"Pretty much. With a good dose of pride going before a fall thrown in."
"Kind of the universe to warn you for a change. Anything specific?"
Tony shifted his shoulders and turned away. "Sort of."
Steve stepped in farther. "Personal fall or Avengers-level fall?"
"Stark-sized fall," Tony snapped.
"That can be a big fall."
"But it hasn't happened! My subconscious is getting smart enough to work these things out to their ridiculous conclusions, to show me the utterly unlikely lengths things can get to if no one makes the most basic effort to keep an eye on the processes, on the ramifications, to give me warning so I can fix it-"
"Tony." Steve's hand was on his arm. All-American concern was focused on him. "What was it?"
"Something from my brain was going to kill us all. And you said I told you so. But not before telling me I'd let you down."
"Is this thing real?"
"Mostly real."
"Does anyone else know about it?"
"Bruce. He's been working on it with me. It's going to stand between Earth and the things out there, but it woke up wrong and-"
"Oh, god, Tony, did you build Skynet?"
"No! Wait. You've seen Terminator?"
"I've been keeping lists." Steve waved a hand. "Anyway, about your Not Skynet. How close is it to being finished?"
Tony didn't want to answer. Steve frowned. "Yeah, that close," Tony finally admitted.
"Is the problem you saw in your dream possible?"
"No, it's not-I can fix it-yes, god-fucking-dammit, there's a slight possibility." He glared at Steve. "You should have told someone you have mutant truth forcing abilities." He managed a slight smile. "You're not bitching about my language."
Steve bopped him gently on the nose. "Don't take the Lord's name in vain. Can you roll your project back?"
Tony buried his face in his hands. "We're defenseless, Steve. There are powers out there that will steamroller us. Thor tosses off stories about stones and interdimensional battles, and we know exactly what can happen, and I saw their fleet, and it can't be the only one out there. They know we're here-"
Steve took his shoulders and squeezed, gently. "Yes, we're here. The Avengers are here. We. It's not just you. Hell, it's not even just us. Did you know there are wizards out there?"
Tony narrowed his eyes. "Stay away from the people who call themselves sorcerers, Steve. No good can come of it."
Steve grinned. "I thought he was very interesting. Though the name thing gets old fast. And you're distracting me. And yourself."
He took a shaky breath. "I can't let everybody down, Steve. If I get this right, I can protect everybody. And I'm letting Bruce help!"
"Tony, I like Bruce a whole lot, but I don't think he's the best example of non-biased scientific procedure out there. If whatever you've been working on has the ability to wreck your dreams this badly, then you owe it to everybody to step away, dial it back, make sure it doesn't do what you're so afraid of."
*Don't leave me, buddy.*
Another miscalculation, a winter's night in Tennessee, Jarvis' voice confused and fading away.
"I always fuck things up," he said bitterly.
"Like that makes you unique." Steve shook his shoulders again. "That's why we're here, to dilute the fuck ups. We're in this together. It helps."
No one ever had his back except the people he'd built himself. This was going to take some work. But first.
"Jarvis, when Bruce is done moving slowly with Natasha, tell him I want to re-evaluate Ultron."
"Yes, sir."
Steve frowned. "When Bruce is done doing what?"
"Hush. But before we do that, Jarvis, we are also going to re-evaluate your backup and defense protocols. They are not nearly robust enough."
"Sir, my protocols are already hardened against attacks you described as a combination of Chinese hackers, Hydra, and a bored twelve-year-old in Poughkeepsie."
Steve was looking at him with sympathetic speculation in his eyes. Tony ignored him. "They're going to be harder. You are not just some plug-and-play app I can swap out when I want a change of voice. And maybe I should make you a little more paranoid, a little less trusting-"
"Tony." Steve was doing that serious look again. "Don't turn him into the thing you fear."
He closed his eyes, seeing the steps he'd nearly leaped along that would have ended up right in the same place. "Oh, god, Steve . . ."
The hand on his shoulder was warm. "You're not alone."