Hello fanfiction world! This is a little four part fic centered around my personal favorite glee character Finn Hudson. This chapter is the front 13 of season one! Enjoy!

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i.

He knows how to be Finn Hudson, quarterback of the football team, he knows how to be Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray's boyfriend, he doesn't know how to be Finn Hudson, glee club loser.

But he thinks he can learn if he tries.

ii.

He doesn't know why he kissed her. He doesn't know why he liked it so much he 'arrived early'. He doesn't know how he going to face it, face her, in the morning. He just knows he really hopes Quinn doesn't find out.

But he hopes he'll get to do it again someday.

iii.

Dakota Stanley is a jerk. A grade a one at that. Who does he think he is telling people to not eat and to get nose jobs. That's so wrong. But doesn't Quinn do that, don't all of his friends do that, doesn't he do that.

No he's better then Dakota, better then all those people he calls friends. At least he hopes he is.

iv.

Pregnant. Quinn's pregnant, but how. They never. A hot tub, the perfect temperature, Quinn says, but, can that happen? Quinn wouldn't cheat on him. Right? The baby has to be his. A baby. He's having a baby.

Oh shit.

v.

Bowling. Girl's like bowling, right? Rachel seems to be having a good time. He really hopes she doesn't see right through his act, but at the same time it's not really an act at all. He likes the way her face scrunches up when she's concentrating, the way her butt looks... stop it Finn, you have a girlfriend, a pregnant one.

So why does he let Rachel kiss him?

vi.

He can't help but think that maybe taking the Vitamin D was a bad thing. He can't even remember the performance, and like what fun is singing and performing if you have no memory of it. He knows Rachel's right when she calls him a cheater, because well he is, of course he denies it at the time, but the nickname echoes in his head. F-Rod.

He also can't help but think that she meant "cheater" the other way too, which kills him even more.

vii.

Jacob Ben Israel should be locked up in prison. Asking Rachel for a pair of her underwear because of some story that has nothing to do with her. Shouldn't he be asking like him for a pair of his underwear, not that Finn would give it to him. But Jacob seriously ruined Finn, Quinn & Rachel's lives, which pretty much makes Finn hate him.

But what he hates even more is the look on Quinn's face when she comes to him in the hallway, because he knows she's in pain because of him.

viii.

Stupid Puck. Stupid Rachel. Stupid Karofsky. Stupid everyone. Is everyone like out to ruin Finn's life or something? I mean suddenly Rachel and Puck are an item, and he heard rumors that something went down between the two of them in the bathroom, but he didn't believe it until Puck sang Sweet Caroline. No Finn you have no right to be jealous, you have a girlfriend, a hot one, who's like carrying your kid, so stop thinking about Rachel.

And just fuck you Karofsky.

ix.

He hates the fact that he can't be a normal teenager. Everyone wants something from him, Quinn wants money and support, Puck wants him to stop fucking things up, Rachel wants a friend, and he really wants to do all of that but it's just too much sometimes. What hurts to most is that he can't talk to his mom, Quinn pretty much begged him not to tell his mom, and he really doesn't want to piss Quinn off.

So he gets a job, and Quinn doesn't even ask him how much money he makes. Maybe they'll be okay after all.

x.

Finn forgot how good it felt to cry. To have someone who will let him cry. He's had all these emotions bottled up inside him and it feels so good to just have his mom holding him and telling him it's going to be ok. He wishes that he could say the same to her. But when Quinn's mom and dad find out he does have to do that. He may not know what it's like to get thrown out of you house, disowned by your on family, but he does know what it feels like to be ashamed of yourself, which is more then enough in his opinion.

And now they all live together, one dysfunctional family, and he likes that.

xi.

Finn would be lying if he said that Rachel didn't totally turn him on in the black dress, and even the cat suit, but he would also be lying if he said he wished she always looked like that. He meant it when he said he liked the way she looked normally, it was so different and unique, so Rachel. He really does like her, but he feels like he can't because of Quinn and stuff.

So he tells Quinn he loves her, even if he may not believe himself.

xii.

He's a jerk. He knows that, he blew Rachel off, broke a promise and though he may not show it, he feels awful. It only gets worse when she snaps at him, he hates this, why can't he just be friends with someone without screwing it up, why can't he do anything without screwing it up? He really doesn't understand why he has the life he does sometimes.

Because according to him, he doesn't deserve any of it.

xiii.

He hates everyone and their stupid lies. Quinn and Puck, Puck's the dad and the entire club knew and no one bothered to tell him. Well except Rachel, at least he helps him realize how many people actually care about him. He's done with Quinn, done with Puck, he's done with stupid glee club where everyone makes him think he's gonna be a dad when he's really not. He hates them all.

The sad part is though, he really can't hate any of them, because they're his family. Which just pisses him off even more.

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Part two coming soon! Review!

xo.