So here is my first attempt at a JoMax inspired...oneshot, drabble, whatever you would like to call it. The writers over at GH land finally started throwing fans of the potential pairing of Johnny and Maxie a bone or two so I had to write something. Plus WiccaChick54 is a force of nature so who would not be inspired by her excitement of the pairing. Alright, enough chatting from me, there is no exact time setting on this so hopefully it could be a possibility for a while. Please let me know if I did good, bad or indifferent with my portrayal of Maxie. I hope you will all enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

It's raining outside. I actually love rain the smell of it, the feel of it, the way it sounds on windows or on trees. It might sound extremely lame but what I like most about it is that rain helps bring new life, gives a chance to make things clean and refreshed again. And though I have told no one, not even Spinelli....sometimes I stand out in the rain so I can feel like I can be cleaned off and begin to start anew. God, I can just picture Georgie with a big grin on her face right now, watching me reflect about rain. I wish she was here right now, I could really use her advice.

Just like with everything in my life, I have found a way to potentially screw up the most postive things in my life, in one sweeping motion. I guess I should be impressed with myself, normally it takes a lot of scheming and manipulating on my part to find a way to get myself in a mess; but not this time. All it would take is for me to tell the truth...to three people.

Yes the other day I finally had a heart to heart with myself, revealing a truth that has been there a long time but I just either refused to believe it or tried to bury it for the very reasons I just said. But now that it has been revealed...even just to me...it changes everything.

And what would do a real train wreck to my life? For starters, tell Spinelli that as much as I love him and need him in my life, I am not in love with him. God knows I tried to be; somehow this loving, amazing person chose to give his heart to me and I swore that I would not stomp on it. And since my sister couldn't be here to make him happy, I could do everything in my power to do what my sister would have, which is to love him unconditionally and make him the happiest man on earth.

But that is the whole problem...I am not my sister, and I think that she was who Spin was meant for. Which adds just another terrible element to her unnecessary and cruel death. I am still filled with so much anger when I think about the fact that my sister is not here, she enriched so many lives in her short life...there should have been so many more.

So Spinelli lost out on his soulmate and I was what ended up taking her place. A very poor substitute, that is for sure. Spinelli and Georgie deserved each other. I, on the other hand...well I don't know what I deserve but a fairytale romance is not it. I am not built that way, but deep down I think Spinelli believes that it will eventually be that way. Spin is a great guy and a good lover which was a pleasant surprise...but he is not what I want or need when it comes to a lover. I notice myself left wanting...and that is not fair to anybody.

For a long time I couldn't put my finger on what was bugging me, why Spinelli wasn't enough. On the friend side he is more than I could ever want or ask for, he fills me with such joy and strength. But I am still a woman who wants to be with someone with a little mystery, probably a little danger. I know many people think that it is only perfect when your best friend is your lover too but with Spinelli I think we are perfect as best friends...just best friends. Plus it doesn't help that I already want someone else that I think would meet all the criteria that I am looking for. He wouldn't be Spinelli, but he could be something else; not better or worse...just different.

I know this other man cares for me as a friend, and that makes me happy...but that is not enough. And his heart is probably still taken. So being Maxie Jones I want to take what isn't mine because when I want something or someone I go after it no matter who gets hurt along the way. But if I stick to my normal routine, all of us loose. So I should stay silent...but I was never good at that.

And I don't see how my feelings will go away either, he is a big part of my life and thus that means more time with him and getting to know him. Yeah, the guy I want is a part of my work which is a huge passion for me. So why is tell it like it is Ms. Jones sitting on all this?

Because if I tell him how I feel he will inevitably reject me and I will have ruined the friendship I have with him. That will make our appearances together awkward which will inevitably make him out of a job. All the while the girl I work with, which is the definition of frenemy if I ever saw one, will go back to be just an enemy and since she ALWAYS gets what she wants I will probably end up without a job when Kate finally gets tired of all the drama. To end this perfect scenario, Spinelli is once again not the guy that gets the girl and has to deal with a broken heart and I will be left wondering if the friendship part of our relationship will be able to survive it.

Yay me.

But I can't keep pretending to feel something I don't. The longer I go on in this relationship with Spinelli the worse it will be when he figures out that I don't love him that way. He isn't the slickest when it comes to relationships with people, but Spinelli will figure it out, it is just a matter of time and I can only play a con so long before I start making mistakes.

And as much as Lulu and I have progressed to this weird truce, I am not attached enough to her to really be devesated if she hates me. If it wasn't the fact that she could ruin my dreams in the fashion industry I would have already confessed. But fashion is where I am suppose to be and being in Kate's world is the best way for me to break in, I don't want that taken away from me....everything else gets taken away...but I can prevent that from happening.

Or can I?

Lulu is already upset that I get to spend time with him and Spinelli seems put off too, so maybe I'm screwed anyway and at least if I confess I get to have things happen on my terms not someone elses.

But what about the one this whole mess is about....what is this revelation going to do to him?

Is he just going to be flattered? Is there a possibility that he feels something for me?

...

What will all of them do?

Will they all finally realize I am just a poison and finally discard me?

It's funny how so much destruction can come from one little sentence...

I'm falling in love with Johnny Zacharra.