Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of these characters

Rating: R for language I have a sewer mouth

Characters: Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Unohana, Zaraki

Genre: Humor/Weirdness

This is my first fanfic so feel free to criticize but please don't be too mean about it

xOx

Matsumoto watched her taicho's face with apprehension as he talked to the soutaicho, "Yessir I'll have the forms in by Monday… yes I understand it's of great importance… no I will do them myself… yessir… goodbye." Hitsugaya put the phone down slowly as his face changed color with alarming rapidity. Matsumoto quickly moved everything fragile out of a 6 foot radius as he got ready to explode.

xOx

"Zaraki-taicho I must ask you to control your subordinates" Unohana said patiently, "The number of incidents of late has become very inconvenient." Zaraki and Unohana were at that very moment walking by 10th division headquarters returning from yet another incident in which 11th members had seriously injured people. Zaraki opened his mouth to reply when a telephone crashed through the closed window of Hitsugaya's office followed shortly thereafter by a torrent of curses.

"THAT SHIT-LICKING ASS-FUCKING COCKSUCKER!!!"

"taicho…"

"I'LL RIP OFF HIS FUCKING HEAD AND SHOVE IT UP HIS ASS!!!"

"taicho calm down…"

"I'VE GOT TO FILE FIFTY FUCKING POUNDS OF PAPER WORK BY MONDAY!! I WAS GONNA FUCKING RELAX THIS WEEKEND!!!"

"Hitsugaya-taicho…" Hitsugaya looked up in shock at Unohana's voice "Aaaah Unohana-taicho c-can I help you?" "No I just wanted to return your phone" Unohana replied. At that moment Zaraki poked his head in through the broken window, "Nice one kid! I've never heard anyone describe the old fart so well!" "Oh well th-thank you Zaraki-taicho uh if you'll excuse me I've got um paperwork to do." Zaraki walked off laughing, "yeah fifty fucking pounds if I heard right" Unohana also left with an amused smile, "I never realized Hitsugaya-taicho had such an interesting vocabulary" she commented.

xOx

Matsumoto was "rolling on the floor laughing her ass off…" literally, while Hitsugaya stood to one side trying to recover from his embarrassment. When Matsumoto regained control of herself she realized something strange, "Hey taicho why'd you get so embarrassed you don't usually care who hears you curse?" "None of your business!" snapped Hitsugaya but then he muttered something that sounded vaguely like "…feels like cursing in front of my mother."

xOx

just a weird idea I had if you've got any suggestions feel free to comment