Scenario: Squall and Seifer have been casted for the roles of sworn rivals in Final Fantasy VIII. Pairing up for a filmed rehearsal of the games opening scene, they engage in a staged duel in Balamb Gardens' training centre, but for how long will this staged duel stay staged?
Director: Okay, whatever happens just keep the camera rolling. Everything will be edited later for the final cut. Okay, Squall and Seifer - opening scene, take one. Lights! Camera! Action!
Seifer: (Takes first strike from Squall) Not nearly good enough, Leonhart!
Squall: That was just a warm up. I'll show you! (Attacks several more times)
Seifer: (Effortlessly blocks all)
Squall: (Starts sweating)
Seifer: (Laughs, still blocking blows) Jeez, you really stink and I'm not just talking about your fighting style. You got bad B.O, Leonhart! Don't you use deodorant? (Starts attacking Squall)
Squall: Yeah, I do, but I've only got one outfit so I don't ever get the chance to wash it. Ya see, I sleep in it too. (Squalls Revolver grinds against Seifers Hyperion. Sparks fly) You always wear the same clothes too.
Seifer: Actually I don't. I have a whole wardrobe full of the same kit. (Seifer performs a nifty maneuver; blocking a blow and swiftly turning to wind up behind Squall now)
Squall: (Turns to find his opponent)
Seifer: (Stands there smirking and beckoning Squall with one hand)
Squall: (Charges forward with the anger of being outsmarted)
Seifer: (Laughs uncontrollably) I can't believe the way you hold that Gunblade! (Blocks oncoming attack) What kind of long-haired, girly, chicken-wuss uses two hands!
Squall: Me of course! (Metal clashes) But I'll kill you for trying to make the truth sound like an insult!
Seifer: … Kill? This was meant to be a friendly rehearsal for the game! C'mon, I was just messing around with you!
Squall: Too late to take it back now. DIE! (Lunges forward)
Seifer: AAAAAHH! (Holds off Squalls blade with his own. Pushes Squall backward)
Sqaull: (Flails backward. Tumbles to the ground)
Seifer: (Lowers weapon. Pulls out pack of cigarettes and a posh, silver lighter) I really need a fag after all that… (Lights cigarette)
Squall: AAAAAH! FIRE MAGIC! We agreed - no magic!
Seifer: But it wasn't magic. It was just -
Squall: LIES! (Picks himself up from ground. Runs toward Seifer, trailing the tip of his blade across the ground. Sparks kick up)
Seifer: Oh shit… (Cigarette drops out of mouth)
Squall: (Lifts Gunblade as he nears Seifer, aiming for his face. Slashes him diagonally from the right side of his nose up to his forehead)
Seifer: AAAAHH! The pain! (Starts bleeding. Drops to his knees) You're a complete MANIAC! Look at what you did to myperfect face!
Squall: (Starts going wild and crazy in front of Seifer, slashing his Gunblade around at no particular target) We agreed -NO MAGIC! You broke the rules! You had to pay!
Seifer: I was just trying to smoke a fag… (Still bleeding)
Squall: I am NOT a FAG! And what makes you think you could smoke me, huh? HUH! (Continues waving Gunblade about) I won't go down that easily.
Seifer: (Mutters to himself) That's not what I've heard from some of the male students…
Sqaull: (Still freaking out with his weapon)
Seifer: (Tries to stop Squalls' madness by intercepting the revolver with his Hyperion)
Squall: (Purposely cuts himself in exactly the same place as Seifers' cut, only left to right)
Seifer: (Recoils in shock)
Sqaull: (Falls to knees, watching his blood drip on the ground) How could you? I never knew you were such a dirty fighter, Seifer. (Looks up at Seifer in disgust)
Seifer: What! I never touched you, man! There's no blood on my blade. You blatantly cut yourself, Squall!
Squall: Yeah, but that's not what I'll tell everyone else. (Grins cunningly) Who are they gonna believe? Me of course!
Seifer: You're unbelievably insane! (Picks up cigarette from floor. Leaves training centre to tend to his wound)
Squall: Whatever…. (Falls flat on his back and passes out from loss of blood)
Director: And Cut! That was perfect! Perfect! All we need to do is rearrange a few scenes and we have our opening sequence!
Camera man: Um, Shouldn't we get some medical assistance for Squall?
Director: Nah, someone will find him sooner or later.
All crew on set: (Pack up their stuff and leave)
The end.