Disclaimer: I don't own KHR or Hayato Gokudera
Tired…
Hayato Gokudera was just so tired, too tired. It took everything just to keep breathing, to force his lungs to inhale and exhale, bring air, oxygen, "life" into his body. What was the point? Why bother the charade? The mask was always on and it was killing him bit by bit. Hayato wasn't that person, never was and never would be. But people thought that was who he was because of the fucking façade. It was pathetic, a mirage that hid the ugly truth. That's what Hayato was, pathetic and fake. Yet he was too afraid to stop being that person. It killed him to be that fake but it also became like a security blanket. Hayato couldn't go out or face anyone without the mask, couldn't be himself. It was too much, and all the energy it took to keep it all up was draining heavily from him.
He was so tired and couldn't take it anymore. Hayato looked over the lake in front of him, the gentle waves caused by the wind lapping at the shores, looking like they were inviting him to come in. The waves seemed lonely and wanted to play, beckoning at him. Perhaps they would be happy with Hayato, accept him for everything he was…
That's it; Hayato would keep the lake company, forever, play and stay within the water's dominion. There he wouldn't have to be something he was not, he would be him and not be ridiculed, ostracized like the others that were brave or stupid enough to be themselves. They didn't smile and act like something they were not. They didn't pretend, didn't fool everyone, and they didn't hide who they loved. It was like dangling a bloody rabbit in front of a pack of starving wolves, the result wouldn't be pretty.
But still they were true to themselves and even in their torment, they were happy. Hayato… was not and the lake would change that. He traced his fingers across the surface, watching the ripples his touch created and was entranced by the images. Slowly he let the water suck him in, first his fingers then hand and bit by bit more of him was submerged until the water consumed Hayato's shoulder and with one last breath he immersed his face in the water and the rest of his body followed.
The water felt soothing, cool against his skin, like he was weightless, free. This was freedom… Hayato finally understood and was happy, smiling as he looked up to the surface, slowly becoming further away as he sunk, not fast as a stone but not floating as a log would. He enjoyed the decent, feeling completely at ease, even though he knew what was happening, knew what was coming.
The white crescent moon smiled down at Hayato through the water and as he felt his back hit the bottom, finally reach the bottom, he felt so tired. He could barely keep his eyes open, but smiled up to the moon, looking so sad in the night sky, before letting his eyes drift closed. The clouds had been gathering as he made his decent, blotting out everything in the sky but the moon, and now with the unnecessary and unfair loss of his life, rain fell like tears.
The moon and sky was crying, having to sit back and watch as yet another life was snuffed out, wasn't strong enough and couldn't take anymore. In the morning someone would find the body floating on the surface of the lake.
The wind no longer blowing and causing waves to lap at the shores. The water was still and clear as glass, perfect, something floating in the middle, one that would be identified as Hayato Gokudera. No one would know why Hayato did it, why he took his life… No one but the moon, sky, and the lake, the water would know, giving the freedom that life took from him; the freedom that Hayato could never find on his own.
Hayato's friends couldn't understand why he did it, refused to believe that he killed himself, shed many, many tears, not understanding who he really was or how much pain he had been in, nor how tired Hayato was, keeping up the pathetic façade and living a meaningless life. Hayato Gokudera was free, finally, yet that freedom took the happiness away from many others that knew him. One may wonder if it was really worth it. Was Hayato's freedom worth more than the happiness of those that cared for him, even if they only loved the person he pretended to be? Would they have cared about whether he was dead or not if he had been himself? Would they have accepted him as the lake had if he took off the mask? Or was his decision the right one? You would suppose that now, no one would ever know. Hayato Gokudera dead and what was done… is done.