She sighed as she lifted her trembling hand and clicked on her pen. The sift glow of the alarm clock read 3:47a.m. She hadn't eaten in days, hadn't slept for longer than that. She faltered, building up herstrength. It was funny how she once was so strong. Never one to admit her feelings or let her guard down. She had long since forgotten about trying to wipe the tears odd of her cheek. Whenever she did, they were back in moments. She moved her pen over the pad of paper and it glided slowly, letting the flow trail lazily behind it. Maybe, she thought. Maybe this time, I don't have to be strong.

Rick-

I can't sleep.

I need you.

I'm not sure if everything will be okay, but I'm alright with that. I want to try this. I want to try us. Just one more time, please. I know I might not be the easiest person to fall in love with, but I know that you did it before. So let's do it again. I still think about you all the time, and I hope I cross your mind once in a while. I want to crawl into a cave with you and wait out the storm, like the first time. We can wait it out together. I just want you to hold me one more time.

If you were here, I would make you look into my eyes and swear to me that you don't think about it.

But you're not.

So I'm writing you this letter because words are for you. They only exist for you, the writer. I'm a cop. But I'm still sitting here with a pen, aren't I?

And if this doesn't work, it never will. But if it does.

I guess I'm willing to take that risk.

So please come home to me. Wherever you are, it's too far away. I need you beside me. I just need to know that you are nearby and that I have you to lean on and cry on. I remember how things were and I know that things won't ever be the same, but we can get pretty damn close. The world doesn't matter. Nothing matters but us. You. Me. As long as we're together, nothing else matters. Nothing.

I don't know what happened. I never knew why we fell apart. Maybe those things that once meant everything to us we're gone. And once the glue was gone, there was nothing left to hold us together. But now I know what is important to me: You.

Only you.

I have my priorities straight. You might turn me away, tell me you hate me. And hate is fine. Hate is something. But please, just don't say that you no longer care. Because anything is better than nothing. And everything is better than anything.

And you- you are my everything.

So please. If my life amounts to nothing, at least I'll know that I have you.

Come home and sit with me, breathe with me. Be with me.

Just be.

Whenever you're ready to come back, I'll always be here,

Always.

-Kate

She folded the letter carefully into thirds and slid it into its envelope, licking it shut and setting it gently down on the desk. The moonlight streamed through the windows and illuminated a photograph by the old lamp. She brushed her hands over it, not wanting to see it again. Nothing of Rick will be touched until he is home. She slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt that she was still wearing. For the past month. She folded it over the back of his chair and left the study silently, not even touching the doorknob. She trekked into the hall and opened up the coat closet, digging around in the dark before pulling out a trash bag full of blankets from her old apartment. She remembered stashing them there when she first moved in. She dragged it out to the kitchen floor and unfolded them on the clean white tile. She lay down, her body shaking from the cold, and rested her head on her hands for lack of a pillow. She curled tightly around the blankets and cried herself to sleep.

The door creaked open slowly and Alexis walked in to the loft, toting a duffel bag. She plopped it down on the floor if the hall and padded softly back to the living room. There was a single plastic cup on the table. She touched it lightly and her fingers lingered.

Beckett was here.

She left the cup and entered quietly into her father's abandoned room, not stepping any farther than the doorway. She looked around, tears welling up in her eyes. She stood as long as she could take it before turning on her heel, wiping therears from her eyes. She walked to the kitchen and jumped up onto the counter. There was Kate, curled in a ball on the floor. Frowning even in her sleep, her brown hair splayed out around her, contrasting the white tile. It looked like a halo. Alexis stared hesitantly before making up her mind. She slowly slipped out of her Columbia University sweatshirt fold rolled it up into a ball, sliding it beneath Kate's head. She sat up on her knees and spoke.

"He'll come back, mom. I promise."

And in that sleepy place where Kate was, Alexis could swear that the corner of her lips turned up just a tiny bit.

Alexis was lying awake in her bed. The time was rolling into the early hours of morning when she decided to get up. She stepped out of her blankets, no longer suffocated by them. She tiptoed down the stairs and was less than halfway down whe. She heard the small squeak of a key in the lock. She took in a sharp breath and stayed out of sight. Heavy footsteps resonated off the wall, moving through the loft. The stopped, and Alexis continued down the stairs, breathing normal again. She heard rustling and a few thumps from behind the counter. She slid across the smooth wood floor and slowly peeked around the cabinets. There was Kate, all small. And there was her dad, arms wrapped around her. Hewasn't shaved in a while, and his shadowy cheek was pressed against Kate's. His steady breathing combined with hers and she moved towards him. He squeezed his arms and just held her. Alexis smiled then for the first time in weeks and dopped to her knees. She lay down beside Kate, sandwiching her in the middle. She wrapped her arm across and rested it on her Dad's shoulder.

And as she drifted off slowly, the last thing she heard was him.

"I'm so sorry."