Title: Musing of Xero Shane and Co.

Summary: Musings of Xero Shane and her friends play out as they chat during various activities. One Chap for each.

A/N: This is purely crack. Not to be taken seriously, ever. Xero is, obviously, me. Rayne Tam is my sister.

Warnings: Mild insanity, possible violence, likely swearing in some chapters, deranged crossovers,

Spoilers (will change for every chapter due to musings): Season 3 for Bones, season 4 episode title mentioned. None for Naruto. Season 4 at least for Buffy. General for Angel.

Pairings: none

XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO SHANE XERO

"PEPPERONI!!" Xero screamed as Rayne walked into her room with a bag of pepperoni.

"Mine. None for you." Rayne pulled the bag away from Xero's clamoring hands.

Xero grabbed a can of Arizona and chucked it at Rayne's head.

"Dahhh! XP " Rayne fell to the floor.

"Uh, sis, you okay?"

*zombie groan*

"Can we get to the point now, Rayne?"

" Huh? Point? What point? I thought this fic was PWP." Scratches head in confusion.

Xero hangs head. "Yes, but we need to muse now. Okay?"

"Muse?"

"Come up with a story so that this story is post-able on ."

"O's."

"So, what should muse about?"

"Let's whump shikamaru!"

"Shika whump. Okay, but I'm not good at it."

"Right, how're we gonna whump Shikamaru?"

"Crossover with a big baddy."

"Okay, like who?"

"A crime show."

"Which one?"

"Gormagon!"

"Who?"

"Cannibal from season 3 of Bones."

"Cannibal!" *devious look* " Detective Nara."

"Actually, Gormagon doesn't work for whump."

"Why not, shikamaru could try to find him…

(Shifts to Washington, DC with Detective Shikamaru Nara assisting Agent Booth in finding Gormagon.)

"Dammit! This guy is a pain in the ass!" Booth felt like shooting the man who tried to kill him and Bones., with his own teeth! In a bomb! In the passenger seat sat Detective Nara, who was reviewing the case file in order to help the FBI find Gormagon before he ate someone else.

"Who will I be working with, forensics wise?" Nara asked.

"The squints at the Jeffersonian have already processed everything. The FBI mostly works with Dr. Brennan." Booth responded as he pulled the SUV into the parking lot; his knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel.

As Booth parked the car, it lurched suddenly forward.

"What the…" Booth said.

Nara's hand latched onto the well worn 'Oh Shit!' handle as he was jerked forward. The engine began to spontaneously combust into flames.

"Damn!" Nara and Booth swore in unison as they jumped out of the sudden plot twist. Booth, who sudden had a fire extinguisher, began to try and put out the fire. It didn't want to go out. Shikmaru took a moment to figure how long this undying fire would take to blow up the engine. He decided it was time to beat.

"Time to run from exploding sardine can." Nara said, beginning to take long strides away the vehicle, and running as the FBI agent sped past him. Crud, that guy sprints away from stuff a lot, huh. Nara caught up rather quickly for someone so lazy.

Booth and Nara ducked behind another car, Cam's actually, as the SUV blew its top. Booth glanced at Rayne and Xero from where he and Shikamaru were ducking.

"What's with the attempted Booth/Shika whump? Hey, take that slash out! This isn't slash. I'm not gay! I'm in love with Bones!" Booth shouted over the flying shrapnel.

"Stop complaining. I didn't hurt anyone. Yet. And sides, I'm not done yet." Rayne said, almost hitting Booth with one of the flying metal shards. Booth ducked away, not wanting Xero to make it into a House crossover.

"What a drag." Shikamaru groaned, lying down to stare at the clouds. But there weren't there. "Where's the cloud's go?"

"It's night." Rayne said.

"It is?" Xero asked, shocked by this revelation.

"Yep."

"Plot bunnies should come." Xero had her apocali (apocalypse plural) face on.

"Plot bunnies ARE coming!" Rayne begins to laugh evilly.

"What? Where?" Booth said panicked, not noticing the mysterious disappearance of the blown up car and the ceiling.

SUDDENLY… Angel appears in front of the two panicked characters.

"Paradox!! Brain melting!" Xero shouts, pointing at the vampire.

"Shouldn't you worry about plot bunnies?" Rayne said as Xero suffered a mental break down.

"Yeah… Where are they from anyways?"

"Eh… From where you least expect them, young padawan." Maniacally laughter ensues.

Shikamaru looks down.

"WRONG! Plot bunnies are from hell you idiot." Xero shouts from her room in the luny bin. She breaks out quickly. Plot bunnies began fall from sky, as well as a few flying pigs.

"Why flying pigs?" Rayne asks, helping take off Xero's straight jacket.

"Because I likes bacon?"

"Why not fly Tontons?"

"Sure." The flying pigs turn into flying Tontons. Booth and Shikamaru are being attacked by plot bunnies.

"Why isn't the big poof being attacked?" a suddenly appearing Spike asked. Xero begins to squeal.

"Because he's their leader." Rayne says for Xero, who is now chasing Spike trying to hug him.

"Not bloody fair, why can't…" he vanishes from the plot.

Shikamaru shakes off the plot bunnies and the suit, revealing his ninja clothes, and makes a run for it.

"SHIKAMARU-KUN!!!" Rayne chases Shikamaru past a panting Xero.

"Dang, that's why she so good at cross country running. She must imagine she's chasing Shikamaru. Oh, well. If that kind of endurance requires delusions of chasing fictional characters, I should chase… House!!!"

"Help!!" Booth says, beginning to die from the plot that was attacking him, Hero in the Hold Redux.

Angel has disappeared from plot suddenly, taking plot bunny army with him to scare Anya to death .

"Bye, Booth go make out with Bones or else who'll end up at Plainsboro Teaching Hospital." Xero says, leaving to find her sister. Booth runs toward a conveniently placed broom closet that Bones has been waiting in for the entire fic.

"This entire situation is irrational, but for some reason I more interested in you Seeley. I …"Bones is cut off as the door slams shut on its own to hide the very mature content of Xero's mind.

Rayne suddenly appears, scaring Xero half to death, TWICE!!

"Where'd Shikamaru go?" Xero asked.

"He said he had an important mission. So, I said bye an let him go away."

"Now what?"

"Um.. IDK!"

"Good night, Rayne." Xero said in a cheesy British accent.

"Gutentaug." Rayne said back.

"That means hello and I don't think it's even spelt right!"

"Well then.. Boot to the Head!" A shoe hit Xero in the head, knocking her out as Rayne runs for the hills with the pepperoni.

FIN for now.

RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE TAM RAYNE

Please Review! Will be sequel!