A random idea I had. I'm a fast thinker and writer, ne?

I own Naruto. In my dreams. :))

Naruto was dying at the hands of his best friend, and he knew it. He just didn't expect him to betray him (Naruto).And he was fully aware of it; his best friend was choking him, blocking his airways, and depriving his lungs of the fresh air that they needed to function properly.

One moment, he was eating peacefully, silently, and contentedly with his friend. The next moment, all he knew was he was choking, struggling to breathe, and dying.

He tried to speak, but to no prevail. He opened his eyes; all he saw was haze. His sight was quickly deserting him. His breathing became more ragged. Then, his vision turned black.

All he thought was why. Why now? Why like this?

He wanted to die awesome. Heroic. Spectacular. Amazing. Like anything the world has never seen before. He wanted to die saving thousands of lives. He wanted to die as Hokage.

To be exact, he didn't want to die. Not like this. Not while choking on a ramen noodle.

-

Sasuke walked through the door of Naruto's apartment. He saw a ramen bowl on the dining room table. And it was still hot. He got closer.

And he saw his best friend lying on the floor, pale, unmoving. Then, Sasuke screamed bloody hell.

Losing his cool, Sasuke grabbed Naruto's cold, lifeless body and started working on Mission I-don't-know-if-possible: Save the Dobe.

-

Sakura was studying a medical scroll when she heard a loud thump from upstairs. Guessing, she went up to see if Naruto was doing anything wrong, again.

And lo and behold, what she saw caused her poor innocent eyes to be scarred forever.

Sasuke was humping Naruto. Fast.

"C'mon, dobe, breathe! Live!"

Sakura paled. Almost fainting, she gripped the doorknob for support.

Sakura stared at the two.

Uzumaki Naruto was on the floor, and Uchiha Sasuke was humping Uzumaki Naruto. Actually humping.

On the other hand, Sasuke didn't notice Sakura standing in the doorway. Until...

"Holy shit."

Sasuke whipped his head to look at Sakura as if nothing happened.

"Sakura! Help me!"

Sakura blushed crimson. "Y-you want me to--?"

"Yes! Do it now!"

"H-hump N-n-naruto?"

"Yes! Come on! Do whatever it takes to revive him!"

Sakura saw pieces of ramen everywhere and the ramen bowl on the table. "Sasuke, he choked. On ramen. You didn't have to hump him."

"Well I had to do something before he dies!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and rushed to Naruto's side. "You should've done the Heimlich maneuver." She drew a line from his stomach to his mouth, and out came the noodle. And once again, Naruto lived. He coughed and hacked violently, and Sasuke felt something on his hair. A noodle. The one that Naruto choked on. "Ew, gross."

"Naruto-kun! You're alive!" Sakura hugged hugging him, she glared daggers at Sasuke.

When they pulled away, Naruto saw the murderous intent in Sakura's eyes.

"You."

"Me." Sasuke deadpanned.

"You humped Naruto!"

"No I didn't."

"You did! I saw it with my now-scarred eyes, thanks to you!"

"What? He humped me?"

"How dare you hump a dead person! You necrophile!"

"Sakura-chan! You watched! Kami-sama!" Naruto shrieked.

Sakura slapped Naruto. "How dare you say I watched him! I came up here to revive you! I was here to rescue you from that necrophile!"

"I wasn't humping him! I was doing the Heimlich Maneuver!"

Sakura and Naruto gaped at him.

"Sasuke, where do babies come from?" Sakura asked warily.

"From storks, duh." Sasuke looked at Sakura, a smug smirk on plastered on his perfect face. Sakura looked at Sasuke. She didn't know if she should be laughing, or be extremely horrified. Naruto was dying for the second time that day.

"Sasuke, come to my house at 7 tonight. I'm gonna give you the talk."

"YOU TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH ME! YOU NECROPHILE!"

"So what if I was?"

"Are you gay?"

"No."

"What are you?"

"A necrophile."

Hahaha. I lol-ed at this.:))