Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter~
Title: Song of Regrets
I crave to see your face, to see your sweet, small smile.
Why did you have to leave, and simply leave me here?
Are you happy where you are, my sweet?
Where all is white and shinning bright, my dear?
Everywhere was burning.
I didn't want to die, that was for sure, for I knew that I wouldn't be able to see the only woman I'd ever loved. I knew that the evil I'd done was not to be forgiven anytime soon. Perhaps I should've gone to her and begged for forgiveness, like the pitiful dog I am…Perhaps I should've fought harder, not let the overwhelming darkness and bitterness overtake me…Perhaps I shouldn't have said that horrid word to her…But I did it anyway.
Yes, I shouldn't have…She was after all the only one I've ever loved…
The pain grew stronger, unbearable...
But she's gone now, Lily Evans…Gone was her beautiful red hair, her contagious smile and her melodious laugh. Gone were her bright green gaze and her unrelenting sense of justice. Gone was her amazing self that had been taken away from me, first by James Potter, by Voldemort himself and lastly by myself...
Oh, how I wished I'd died instead of her!
Tears burned at my eyes as guilt, pain and the unending sorrow clashed with my bitterness and for the first time in many years I wished to weep. Blood ran away from me, the bites from the great snake already affecting me in ways that, if it were another moment, another person, would find completely fascinating. Shaking and bleeding as I lay here on the grimy floor of this shack I wonder how my life would had been if I'd never chosen this path.
I would've been free…would've been without the burdens that were now falling from my shoulders…Without the guilt…the pain…the bitterness…It would've all been gone.
I closed my eyes.
Did you see what I've become?
Are you proud of whom I am?
Do you look out after me?
Do you still remember me?
Without you the world is smaller.
Without you the sun seems duller.
If only I could see your eyes again, to cease the burning agony that is slowly tainting my filthy body, I would take with me a piece of heaven. Would you look me with contempt? Would there be loathing in your gaze, I wonder? I've killed for you, my love. I've lied for you, died for you, tortured for you, deceived the innocent for you, all for you my sweet. Would your gaze still be as kind? Would your compassion save me once more?
The softness of your touch greets me, the greenness of your eyes stares down at me and for a second I become lost in the likeliness of them. They are so dull, my Lily so haunted and pained and I am partly to blame. I've disgraced you, you know? I've hurt that you loved in spite, in loathing. Can you ever forgive me? I have betrayed your memory, your trust, and your child. I wish I could go back in time and do everything all over again…To have you live your life, to have you smile besides Potter if only it meant to see you alive and well from afar.
Tears pour down my face and with them the most precious, secrets of memories. They are my treasures: of you and your beauty; of the horrible things I've done for the sake of my pitiful survival. I should die…I really truly should die and rot away in the darkest pit of Hell from what I've done to you, to the world.
The memories shouldn't be wasted: "T-Take them…Take them, please."
Murmurs of the past haunt me down, as the blackness of this place starts fading into the familiar nothingness. The only thing that illuminated my void were the green orbs that are looking down at me with tears and compassion in their depths. Perhaps I was wrong all this time and he is truly like you…I am sorry, my Lily…I am truly, deeply sorry.
Perhaps one day, I'll be able to flutter peacefully away; without regrets and without pains…One day.
Oh why did you have to leave, and simply leave me here?
Your smile is no more; there is no more fiery hair;
Everything is gone, nothing's now the same.
You embraced death, like an old, old friend.
Why did you have to leave, and simply leave me here?
Death is looming close, I can feel it…And yet the green, green eyes don't leave me still.
I am thankful for his kindness…But I don't deserve it. Perhaps Death shall be far kinder and grant me with my one and only wish...
I want to drown in the color…I want drown in the memories then…It would be the sweetest deaths.
You are gone, no more…
I am gone, goodbye…
I love you…
Goodbye…
And Death loomed closer still…
And I want to lose myself into the emerald green for it was an escape, a slight piece of peace before I left this cruel world. They are so alike yours, Lily and yet so different. They seem older, tired and so deeply and so very mature. They shouldn't be like that. Hopefully, my love, they'll get better eventually.
"Look at me." I managed to choke out. Peace…there's the peace I've so ever craved. "You have your mother's eyes." A lie…not like hers…but your own…
I close my eyes, for I've done my part now…You are gone, I am done. I am better than I was…I am ready to go and embrace the Hell that is waiting for me…
I am done; a bitter smile is on my lips as the last breath of life escaped my lips without a farewell.
AN: Another story inspired by one of my poems...hope you enjoyed.