Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans.
Robin's POV.
Another Disclaimer: This song is Photograph by Nickelback. I don't own it.
I glance down at the photo in my hand. A sad smile on my face, a laugh begging to be released from my throat. Everyone's eyes are bloodshot from being up so long, constantly fighting for the betterment of our city. In the picture, I have a carefree smile on my face, as I look at the camera from behing my mask, in the middle of a one-handed handstand. The tiniest of glimmer of happiness shows through Raven's normally baren, serious face. Beastboy is mid run, the most terrified look on his face as something resembling purple gook is on his head, beginning to slide its way down his face. Cyborg's contagious grin stares up at me from the photo, as a yellow-frosted cupcake is launched at Starfire from his hand. As for Star, she has a surprised face, floating above all of us, trying to dodge cupcakes being hurled her. Her orange skin was dotted with yellow frosting, betraying how many times she'd actually gotten hit.
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on BB's head?
I let the photo flutter to the rocky shore of the island as I look up at the tower. Only Cy lived there now, him and Bumblebee. I'd like to say the city didn't need us anymore, so we went our seperate ways. But that'd be a lie. Fact of the matter is, five teens can only live together for so long, no matter how great of friends we were. All of us either lived in the city or near it, and we kept in touch. I watch as random spots of light shine down from the tower, the place where I grew up. Not from childhood, but from a hormonal teenage boy to a heroic man. From what I understood, there was one room where the light never shined. Raven's room. When she died, it was too painful for anyone to go in and just remember the half-demon, let alone shed light on the usually so dim room she spent so much time in. In a way, the room was Raven herself. No one dared bother her,as if she were in a perpetual session of meditation that, if broken, would kill us all. The lump in my throat was growing. I was here for a reason, to remember Raven. She had died, or so we guess, this day six years ago. Just a nineteen year old goddess, cut short from her life. And it wasn't even while she risked everything to save people she didn't know. I had asked her out on a date... I still remember what she wore. Blue hightop converse, black jeans, her gold belt, a white t-shirt, and a blue hoodie. All I remember is, the street being blown out, in a strange almost apocolyptic scene, chunks of asphalt falling into sewer tunnels below, and choas of people running. I saw a blur of purple hair, and then, nothing. People had run away, I was the only one left standing, on the edge of the road, staring into the sewer. Three hours of searching, and all our team could locate was a single blue converse. A year afterwords, we gave up hope she had lived and had Raven Roth legally pronounced dead. It was a heartbreaking day for me, the cold realization that never again would I watch the sun rise with her. Had saving her from Hell been in vain? Suddenly I shake my head, and look away from the T-tower. This was why I missed the small gathering every year, I couldn't take it. I couldn't take her death, I couldn't take the memories. The place I grew up, so many good memories, but so many had her. So much pain wrapped in so much good. I couldn't handle it. I don't think I ever will. No matter how many renovations Cyborg makes on the tower, Raven's room will always be left standing.
This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up.
I never knew we'd went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
I pick up the picture and walk away from the tower. I can't be here, I can't be strong. I lost her, and I never got to tell her I loved her. I look up, and realize I'm standing in front of a high school. All of us were registered to go here, but never really had time. I think Raven made it to her English class every once in a while. Stafire went twice a week, but I had never been inside. Cyborg had an auto-shop class he went to once a while, and Beastboy went every once in a while to try and pick up girls. I always had better things to do. Cloudy thoughts fill my head, remembering when I used to break in after-hours, and I would sit imagining Raven walk through the halls dressed in civies. I knew she sometimes wished she was normal, but I was glad she wasn't. She was my dark princess, or an angel in disguise. A fallen angel, but an angel none the less.
And this is where I went to school
Most of the time I had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
A vague thought enters my mind, about going back. Maybe I should go to school? If I did, I'd only find reasons to skip it, because she had gone there. I couldn't take the visions of the past that would plague me every time I closed my eyes. They probably wouldn't let me in, anyway. What would the think of a twenty-six year old trying to enroll in a high school? It's not like I would enroll as Robin. They'd let him in. But twenty-six year old playboy Dick Grayson? Not a chance. I have Nightwing priorities, anyway.
I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
I shrug and continue on my way, as a rain starts to pour from a dark sky, lightning burning things in a dazzling show. This was Raven's favorite weather, dark, and some would say creepy, haunting, murderous. Not her. To her, it was just a shadow, shrouding something not meant for us to see. She said the light danced in each raindrop, lit from the inside by streelights or home-y light filtering through window panes. She said lightning was like a knife slicing through the darkness, freezing time for a second, sizzling through raindrops in an instant, then disappearing. Beauty hiding in shadow, you had to be hidden in the shadow yourself to find the beauty. To find the little acts of dazzling gorgeousness, all hidden in insane downpours that some called murderous, damaging, and scary. I stare up in the sky, letting it patter down on my face, hiding the tears that flowed freely down my face, as memories hit and battered me like bricks.
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
I sigh heavily, as Cyborg punches in the code to my room. Our rooms had been changed through the years, but the name plates remained, the rooms were still ours for the taking, any time we visited. The tower was the only place that ever felt completely like home, but to me, it was now a taunting shell. I expect to turn a corner and see Raven floating down it, an annoyed look on her face. I expect to enter the main room and see her sitting on the couch reading a book. I expect to knock on her door and hear her whisper soft voice tell me to go away. But no. She never floated down the hallway, fed up with Beastboy's antics anymore, she didn't read books on the couch in the main room, the rest of us backround noise, and there was silence if you knocked on her door. I offer a weak smile to Cyborg as I enter my room, wet hair hanging in my face. He nods sympathetically, and the door shuts. This is the first time I actually went into the tower, usually I showed up on the island and left. I just didn't have anywhere else to go this time, I had no excuses and I couldn't survive this if I was alone one more anniversary. Every memory of Raven pelted me, a new stab wound in my back. I look around my room, only to see a blue scrap book on my bed. It had Raven written on it in sparkly purple letters. As I near it, I realize it's a scrap book Starfire made for Raven. Fresh tears spring to my eyes, behind this mask. All these years later, and I still hadn't told my team my identity. Pathetic. I flip gently through the pages, looking at the photos. Rare were they that she had a smile on her face, or any emotion. But here they were, all in photos she hadn't known were taken of her. It was Raven plain and simple. She was annoyed, she was beautiful, she was a civilian, a hero, she was happy, shy, angry, and content. All in these pages. I hadn't realized I was crying until I saw through my blurry eyes a tear hit the plastic that protected each page. My mask was in one hand, and after I brushed away the tears, I replaced it on my face. I stood up, grabbed a towel from my bathroom, and dried my hair. It hung limply in my face, I never really spiked it anymore. It's time to face facts, it's time to say goodbye. I put in the code, and walk slowly into the main room. I prepared myself to give and get hugs, I prepared myself to not see Raven anywhere but in pictures. It broke my heart in two.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
I walk in, to see my old team decked out in their uniforms. I grin slightly, and look at my own multi-colored uniform. Raven used to say I looked like a traffic light. I almost choke on my thoughts as if they were plausible. That hit me harder than I expected. We had found out what caused the street explosion, way before the first year was up. Slade. I nearly murdered him, he'll be in jail for a long time. I think right now they're debating putting him on death row. I watch my team, and seeing them in uniform was like a cold slap in the face. With a brick. It reminded me of every time we walked out the door to go save lives and fight for justice over evil.
"Hi guys." I say quietly. Starfire flies over and hugs me.
"Glorious! You have come this year!" She grins. I nod sullenly. She releases me, and I give Beastboy a quick hug.
"Glad you could come, dude." He offers a sad smile, and I nod once again. I look around at the mulitple pictures of Raven around the room. I walk around, looking for a certain one. I finally come cross it, and am suprised at how clearly I can remember the moment in my mind.
FLASHBACK
Raven smiles. "Somebody believed."
In the next moment she was hugging me, and after a moment of shock, I hugged her back.
END FLASHBACK
I take a shaky breath, and look away from the photo. I look back at my old teammates. Bee had taken her and Cyborg's son Jared to go see Aqualad's twins, Bennet and Dylan. It was just us four, and the room felt unfinished, it felt wrong without Raven. That was part of the reason we went our seperate ways. And right now, it was time for me to finally say goodbye to my sweet, gothic goddess.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye
"Hey Robin! Remember when you and I used to go to the arcade?"
"Yeah. You used any money you could get your hands on there. The police told you to stop going because people kept trying to rob your favorite game you spent so much money on it."
"Heh, yeah."
"I heard it got burned down in a mysterious fire." Cyborg adds suddenly.
"That place was sooo fun! Now you can't take little Jared here!" Beastboy shouts remorsefully.
"We have games here." Cyborg shrugs. "Besides, he's only two."
Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down
Starfire grins.
"Remember the time when I took her to the karaoke club?" She grins. We never spoke Raven's name anymore, not through video chat or letters. Raven was 'she', or 'her' now. Saying her name was like saying 'well, let's commit verbal suicide.'
I nod.
"We wanted to be rockstars, rather than just sing to songs we know."
I almost snort.
"I think that was just you, Star." I say gently, She nods.
"Maybe."
I look around at other photos. I suddenly come across one that makes me bite back a smile.
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to something more than just the steering wheel
It was a photo of the day I'd first gone on a date with Starfire. That relationship hadn't lasted more then two weeks, but she had been my first kiss. The first mutual one, anyway. Raven had seemed off that day, quieter, more on edge. I guess I know why now. The look on her face as she sits on the counter watching Star and I walk in the door to the main room holding hands was one of annoyance shrouded in shadow.
Doesn't matter anymore, because I want Raven even though I can't have her, and Starfire has her two kids now. Her and Aqualad's kids. Twins, one boy, one girl, they were barely a year and a halh. A little girl named Dylan with Star's fire-engine red hair and Aqualad's steely dark grey eyes with green whites of her eyes and a mixture of their skin tones, a pale orange-y color. Bennet, on the other hand, had the same skin, Aqualad's hair, and the same steely eyes in a green backround. One heck of a family they were. Today's the first time I've seen her since I left four and a half years ago.
Star's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when
I look at another photo, and it seems as if oxygen goes extinct for a moment. It's Raven and I, our arms linked. It's right before we left, before she died. She has one of the biggest smiles on her face, without a care in the world.
I slowly start breathing again, and decide I want to go be alone.
"I'm going to go back to my room." I say slowly, before walking out.
Oh oh oh
Oh God I
I cast a glance at Star's scrap book on my floor, and kick it aside. I flop on my bed, shoving any thought of my lost girlfriend out of my head. I t was too painful to linger. I stand up and walk to the window, looking out at the rain pattering down.
"Goodbye." I whisper softly, as if my words to the weather were a soft kiss on her lips. Oh how I wish they were.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Saying out the window wasn't good enough. I walk to the roof, and let the rain patter on my face again, as I go sit on the edge of the roof. I could easily fall and save myself from this pain, blame it all on the rain, I slipped and fell. But I can't do that, I have to live in her memory. I look down at picture in my hand, the one I brought here with me originally. I stare at it, before letting it fall onto the roof, rain pelting it. I stare into the sky forlornly, I wish we'd found a body rather than this blue shoe. I had brought it out here with me, and it sat sat next to me as if Raven would materialize within it. Too bad she wouldn't.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I have the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I missed rescuing the people of this city, I missed her, I missed the faces of my team.
I missed being a Teen Titan.
You can't just forget six years of your life. Nor can you make new memories to cover the old, now painful ones.
I sigh, and look around as night falls over this city. If Raven were here, she'd be on the roof, watching the beauty in this rain. I'd be with her.
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I almost walk back into the tower, but decide against it. It's too hard to say out here, so close to Raven, but it's impossible to leave her.
I think there might be something wrong with me.
I'm depressed at the very least. Why didn't I die instead of someone so sweet and so lost like her? She was just beginning to really live, and her life was so cruelly taken. It's not fair.
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
I sigh, dropping my head into my hands. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and someone moves the shoe next to me. I shake the hand off my shoulder, realizing that it feels small and feminine. Starfire must've come up here.
"Robin."
I'm about to respond when my throat feels like it's about to close. That voice.. Isn't Starfire's. My head snaps up, and I look into the face of a pale, violet haired, amethyst eyed beauty.
"R-Raven.." I stumble over my words.
She rolls her eyes and nods.
"No shit Sherlock." She monotones.
"Y-You... Y-You're dead..."
"Do I look dead to you?"
"N-No.." I sit there, staring dumbfoundedly at her. Then something snaps in my head. "Where the hell have you been for six years?"
"Well, I went to go find better control over my emotions. And after you guys pronounced me dead, I was waiting for an anniversary where you were all here, but you-" She pokes me in the chest. "Missed for the next five years until now."
"I couldn't take it."
"So your idea of 'taking it' is sitting out here with my shoe?" She asks.
I silently study her features. The gentle smile, happiness in her eyes, the glint of the rain soaking her hair. It was... Alluring. I suddenly reached out, grabbed her chin, and pulled it towards me. In a matter of seconds our lips collided, hers crashing onto mine in an immediate spark of passion. After a minute, I can feel her smile against my lips.
"I missed you." She whispers.
"I missed you too. You know I love you, right?"
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
She pulls away, studying my features.
"I love you too." She says finally, with certainty. I grin, and pull her close, kissing a trail down her neck, and back up to her lips. Memories slam into me again, but they're no longer painful. They make me want to pull her close and never let go. I notice she's studying the rain.
"Are you trying to get struck by lightning?" I ask, when she stands up, throwing her arms into the air, reaching towards the sky. She snorts.
"Just what were you doing when I showed up?" She smirks at me. I stand up, walk over, and take her hand in mine.
"Let's go see the team." I say. She gives me a playful smile.
"After we dry off?"
"There's towels in my room." I waggle my eyebrows at her. She swats my arm.
"You- You- You-" She blushes scarlet, and I walk with her to my room, where we dry off, my hair deciding to be a fluffy ebony mess, while hers hung in delicate tendrils around her face.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
We walked towards the main room holding hands, and I smiled at her. She looked away, ashamed she hadn't done this sooner. I could care less. She was here now. She drops my hand as we walk into the main room.
"Rob, were you on the roof? I know she liked this weather, but-" His words fell as he looked up. "Why do you have scuch a happy look on your face?"
"Because, don't you see-" I look to my left, where Raven should have been standing. "Mother effer. Rae! Rae come on, that's not funny."
Cyborg, Starfire and Beastboy watch me with hurt eyes. I said her name. And I'm acting like a delusional freak.
"Robin. Man, you know..." Cyborg looks out the window.
"She's not here dude..." Beastboy frowns at me.
"Our friend has 'flown into the light' as you say, Robin." Star's teary-eyed gaze pierces me. I chew on my lower lip.
"Rae, enough. Please come out, they think I'm delusional. You are not funny!" I say desperatley. The door slides open, and she walks in, her eyes glued to the floor.
"I'm sorry. But I thought I might get a little fun out of-" She stops as she looks up and sees the hundreds of pictures of her everywhere. A look of awe and surprise echos on her face.
"Holy..." Cyborg drops the spoon he was using to mix waffle batter.
"Shit... Dude, it's..." Beastboy's jaw drops as he points a shaky finger in her direction.
"FRIEND RAVEN!" Starfire squeals flying towards her. After several hugs from Cyborg, Beastboy, and Starfire, Raven smiles.
"I'm sorry I left. I was waiting for Azarathian monks to contact me to finish my training, and just so happened to be at a bad time. But you guys know all about that, from the note, right?"
"What note?" Cyborg raises an eyebrow.
"...The one I left on my bed whenever I left in case I had to go at such unfortunate times.."
"Rae, no one dared enter your room. For a while, we thought you would come home and find us yourself, and then we thought it was wrong, because in essence, your room is.. you." Cyborg says. Raven's shock is evident on her face, as she is silent.
"I had no idea... I just knew I couldn't wait to come back here because I kept remembering leaving to go fight crime with you guys, and I had this one picture that I always had with me, and I kept thinking about how I never got to say goodbye... Oh god, I'm so sorry... I was waiting for you all to be together in one place.."
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the firend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
I send a glance her way.
"What picture did you have?" I ask. She looks away, and produces a photograph from underneath her cloak.
Beastboy running away, purple gook slowly sliding onto his face.
Cyborg and an easy smile throwing a yellow frosted cupcake at Starfire.
Starfire floating above everyone, covered in yellow frosting.
Me, in a one handed handstand, grinning at the camera.
And Raven, a glimmer of happiness on her face.
The same picture I had, the one I looked at all the time.
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me
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