Hey everyone! This is another oneshot I've written except this time it's in Axel's POV. Okay before you read I just want you to know that I havent perfected writing as Axel and so I'm sure that it will seem a bit OOC but also consider that it is like his thoughts...so I think it would tend to be less cynical and more sensitive. Well anyways i hope you enjoy it! Remember to read and review and leave the flaming to Axel!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or Kingdom Hearts, they belong to Square Enix and Disney. Lyrics belong to their artists:
John Mayer - Slowdancing In A Burning Room
Secondhand Serenade - Half Alive
Armor For Sleep - Car Underwater
All American Rejects - It Ends Tonight
Avril Lavigne - Innocence, Keep Holding On
Enjoy!
Lyrics are in italics :)
.::Slowdancing In A Burning Room::.
I can see it in her eyes and maybe it's then that I finally accept it. I mean, I have a way of seeing things before others do but I don't always feel that I have to take any action right that second, ya know what I mean? And when I saw this coming I completely avoided it…I didn't want to let this escape me. So I pretended nothing had changed. She was right in front of me, offering me something I could only dream to have and so naturally I took it and she took my offer in return. Everything was right there, served on a silver platter, yet it was out of our grasp and we didn't know just how far it really was.
.::this is the deep and dying breath of this love that we've been working on::.
No matter how much I wanted it and no matter how hard I tried things never felt the way I wanted them too…nothing felt right even though I knew that it should. I couldn't hold her the way I wanted to; no fail, every time my arms encircled her slender frame, I couldn't feel a warm body against me. And I could tell she couldn't feel me either. She was the only one I would ever run to when things left me feeling small and frail…when nothing fit where it should. Being with her and placing some of my problems on her small shoulders felt good. It probably sounds a bit cruel but I don't mean it to be…it's just nice knowing that someone knows exactly how you…feel, not that either of us can but, you get what I mean. Deep down in the bowels of emptiness inside me; I was scared as hell, and she's the only one I told. I found something in her presence that made all my pain and misery fade to somewhere that didn't affect me the way it once did. But something inside me couldn't handle it and so I began to question it. It didn't make sense to me and so I finally asked myself…how can you love someone when you're just not capable?
.::we're going down and you can see it too, you know that we're doomed::.
Her hair could easily be compared to the finest silk, even the slightest breeze couldn't slip past her locks and it always took the time to gently caress every strand. But I can never feel it's smoothness no matter how many times I've lightly passed my fingers through her tresses. To be honest…it sucks. I'll always desire to touch her and maybe once feel something real and warm beneath my fingertips. But I can't, I can't feel anything. The hunger to feel lies unsatisfied in my chest and eventually mutilates into something cold and hollow. Every second spent with her adds another endless depth of emptiness that lives where my beating heart had died.
.::I'm almost alive and I need you to try and save me, It's okay that we're dying but I need to survive::.
I know it isn't right but it's all I have…all we have. At least something rests in my chest, even if in reality it isn't anything. I want everything about her to set me ablaze, the way it should. But she can't, who could ever light a soul, that's frozen and dead, flaring with the feeble flames of an imaginary passion. So we keep living out this lie that only kills us little by little. She understands that are efforts are in vain, we both know it's useless but we'll never give up. We've come to far to let everything slip away. So she'll keep drawing and I'll keep dreaming a better ending to this endless charade. It may only be a lie but it's a pleasant one and in the end it's all we can count on.
.::my dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room::.
I everything could have worked out differently; that we could have met under better circumstances, at a time when our hearts weren't damaged and beyond repair. When they were alive and whole. However, the world always has a nasty way of turning on you. I can't help but feel a little cheated…we're not all bad people. But I suppose it would be stupid to blame life for being as biased as it is and throwing misfortune our way. Nobody's perfect and we all make mistakes we can never take back; in a way, we were doomed from the beginning. We have to learn to accept the inevitable: we will fail. Nobodies don't deserve anything. We don't have the right to deserve, we lost everything for a reason and I don't think we will ever find it no matter how hard we look.
.::call off the search, don't try::.
I've accepted that I'll never feel what I want to feel when it comes to her, but she isn't something I have to look for in order to find. She'll always be there through thick and thin, right by my side. If I could ever show her how much she really means to me; I'd do it in the blink of an eye, no hesitation. She'll never know that deep inside the abysmal emptiness, that's coiled in my chest, there will always be a piece of her embedded in the folds of darkness. The only light that could ever pierce those dark depths.
.::when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight::.
We have something so pure and untouchable no matter how elusive and nonexistent it really is. Knowing she's with me makes what we have worth so much more, even if the starting price had literally no value. It's perfect and that makes it priceless to us, despite how little it means to anyone else. It's necessary and we both need it more than we know.
.::this innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay...please don't go away, I need you now::.
Maybe if we keep wishing for a better day, we'll get one. I'm not putting my trust in anyone's hands or anything but if I'm going to wish for something it will be that someday I'll get to hold her and feel her in my arms; feel her touch as she will feel mine. As long as she'll always be there when I come back things will be okay. Maybe; in a weird sort of way, we don't need feelings to…feel.
.::there's no place to go, no I won't give in...keep holding on::.
I know there's more to it…there has to be. Nothing is as simple as it seems. And feelings and emotions definitely don't have a clear cut path. Whatever the case, we'll face everything together.
.::whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly::.
We'll stay strong…even while we fall.
Well that's the gist of it! Hope you guys enjoyed it and don't forget to read and review! You'll still get a cookie and I'll still be your best friend! Heehee :)
Luv ya!
-Schmelly Inc. mwah
