Disclaimer : Not mine's. JK Rowling's.
A/N : More to come. :D
If confusion was a killer, I'd be dead.
Every single time she looks at me I want to die. She tears off a tiny part of me with every single glance ; she cuts me up with an innocent look, rips me apart with a gaze.
Every single time she looks at me I am reborn. It's like I drown in her gaze, drown in a pool of my own enlightenment. I shed my skin. She makes me want to be a better person.
She's a magnet, and I was a helpless, unsuspecting scrap of metal. She pulled me in, held me in reserve, and now I'm stuck. I'm the deer, she's the headlights. I'm enthralled by her.
Opposites attract…
I look at her, I ache for her. I physically ache for her. She makes my hands tremble. She makes my legs tremble. She makes me nervous. She shuts my brain down and turns me on.
She doesn't know. She thinks we're just friends. I'm supposed to be the sensible, logical person when it comes to… this. She even compliments me on these supposed traits. She doesn't know.
I lust after her. A year ago, I tried to block this out. I was unsettled by the circumstances. It was her. This gradual build up is getting too heavy, too intense, its dragging me way down. Now this secret is killing me. I'm on love's deathbed. I'm lusting for her to lust after me.
She doesn't know her effect. That makes me want her more. She's perfect and she's got the scars to prove it. She's brave. She's smart, she's funny, she's… it. She's been through it all with me, she never complains. I am in awe. How could I not want her?
How can I live, without knowing if she feels any where near the same? But how can I live, knowing that for certain she doesn't?
I was in Gryffindor ; I fought in battles to potential mortal death ; I've saved lives ; I've ended lives. But I am a coward. I can't be shot down, I can't live rejected. At least in ignorance my heart is still beating. If I knew for sure she didn't want me back, I wouldn't have a heart.
On the outside I'm… OK. Just fine. Inside, I'm crying, screaming out in agony, all for her. This isn't me. She's changed me, for the better, for the worse. I want her to want me.
I'm at the peak. I'm at breaking point.
For her I have fell, and I will fall again.