Muggle inventions had never been something that she had ever taken the time to think twice about before. But while she didn't want to admit it, they were playing bigger and bigger roles in her day to day life. She had heard of the thing before, but she had never imagined that she would need to use one no matter how simple the muggle women on the train had made it seem. But it wasn't simple. Well, it was. But it hadn't been simple for her. In fact, it had ended up being one of the hardest things she had ever had to face this far in her life.
She sat with her back against the bathroom door and her arms were wrapped tightly around her knees as she stared at the sink in complete horror. The young woman had yet to cry, but she could feel the pressure of the tears building up behind her eyes. The end of the world couldn't even be this bad. She had never prepared for something of this magnitude and she knew that he hadn't prepared for this either. In fact, they had never even discussed the idea. It was sort of an unspoken mutual understanding that they were to never even bring it up.
Two years ago Pansy Parkinson had found herself deeply infatuated with old acquaintance, Blaise Zabini. It had started out as harmful flirting when they ran into one another at the Ministry. But their harmful flirting had developed into a series of late night rendezvous and promises that their relationship would never develop into anything more. However, one of them had decided – neither could remember which one it had been – that it would be a good idea to live together. It would at least give the illusion that there was something more there. But really it just made it easier for them to use one another considering they were much closer. Blaise kept Pansy quiet with his money and Pansy kept Blaise happy by catering to his needs and wants. It seemed like a win-win situation for both. There were never any complaints and they respected one another, to an extent. Marriage and children and a future were never an option. Both Pansy and Blaise despised children and Blaise had long ago learned from his mother that marriage was a suffocating disease. Besides, it would never work between Pansy and Blaise. They had come close to murdering one another many times before and they were merely sleeping together.
Their relationship was not based upon wanting to be together. But rather wanting the other. It was pure lust and no trace of love or affection was evident. Of course, they had their moments and found themselves lowering their guards. But they were few and far between. They weren't meant to be together. But Pansy could see no way out of this now. They would be forever bound to one another and she knew that Blaise would not take lightly to that.
She reached up to brush some hair from her face and she let out a shuddering sigh at the same time. She could already hear the coolness in his voice and she could imagine how malicious the look in his eyes would be. He would kick her out. But that would be the least of her worries. Something about him told her not to underestimate him. His temper was a nasty one and very short. Once the fuse was lit you had very little time to run before he lost it.
Pansy was certainly not ready to drop the bomb, but the slam of the front door told her that she had no choice. She could definitely hide it for some time, but not forever. He would know eventually and that would probably be worse than him finding out now. Maybe now they would be able to figure something out. There had to be some sort of… alternative to the situation. Of course she knew her options. But there were some that she would rather not consider unless he brought them up first.
Taking a moment to gather her thoughts together, she pulled herself to her feet and brushed the thing from the sink and into the trash can. She was making no effort to hide something she was already going to tell him. As she opened the bathroom door she could already hear him pouring himself a glass of wine. It was his daily routine and something that she had never quite been able to understand. He claimed it calmed his nerves from the day, but she believed it was only contributing to his future drinking problem.
She made her way down the stairs and stopped just outside the door to his study. This was supposed to be his space and his space only. She had hardly ever set foot in the dimly lit room, but she had passed it many times. Usually, he worked with the door closed tightly and all she was able to do was stare at the small amount of light that crept out from beneath the door and wonder what he was up to in there. One thing she would never be able to deny was that Blaise was a hard worker. He may not be pleased with his job or his current assignment. But he put all his effort into it no matter what. Perhaps his determination was one of the things she admired most about him.
She lifted a hand and knocked twice on the doorframe and he turned his head slowly and deliberately to look at her. His dark features were even more prominent in the small amount of light that the small lamp on his desk gave off. Blaise raised an eyebrow rather than asking her what she wanted and she took a long breath to steady herself.
"Hello," She began quietly. Pansy watched him for a response but he only nodded his head in greeting and waited for her to continue. She was turning over the different things to say in her mind but that seemed to only be making her more nervous. So, she decided to just go for it.
"Blaise, what is the last thing that you would ever want to hear from me?" She asked quickly. He stared at her for another minute before he turned back around in his chair and took another sip of wine.
"You found someone better looking and with more money?" He asked sarcastically with a cool smirk as he glanced over his shoulder at her.
"No," She said flatly. As much as she could use the sarcasm right now she just wished that he would take this a little more seriously.
"I'm too old to play these games, Pansy. We've been out of school for five years. If you have something to tell me then just tell me," Blaise said with a sigh of annoyance.
"Blaise, I don't know how it happened but I think I'm having a baby," She spoke quickly and ran her words together in one breath. Holding her breath after she said it, she released it slowly and steadied herself for the blow.
There was an unnaturally long silence as he finished his glass of wine before setting it down much more carefully than was necessary. "I think we both know how it happened, Pansy."
He seemed to be forcing himself to keep his composure though she could see the corner of his mouth twitching. She had been expecting yelling and swearing and she had even been ready to start dodging flying objects. Her eyes had moved to his wand many times and she was relieved that he had made no effort to reach for it. Part of her wanted the screaming and the cursing but the other part was glad that he was controlling himself – for now.
"Well…we shouldn't have let it happen," She argued. "This is… this is ridiculous!"
"How many times did you think that it wouldn't happen to you? Did you really think that you were invincible? For a while I thought we were. I suppose this is partially my fault as well. I should have brought it up a long time ago."
"B-but… It's never happened before! Nothing. I never had a reason to worry. We were careful," She could feel her heart sinking. He was being too understanding, something was wrong.
Blaise shrugged. Apparently they just hadn't been careful enough. He turned away from her and poured himself another glass of wine. "Something stronger would satisfy me much more at the moment. But I suppose this will do," He muttered more to himself than to her.
She stood in the doorway with an arm placed across her stomach. She wanted to believe that there was nothing there. She wanted to believe that the stupid stick was wrong. She was not pregnant. A baby would ruin their lives. "You are getting rid of it," His voice was hard as he stood up and turned to face her. His eyes were cold and she couldn't help but shiver as she looked at him. Normally she found him extremely attractive when he was like this. But now she was frightened.
"I will not raise a baby and I know that you wouldn't be able to do it either. You would not make an ideal mother," He wasn't trying to insult her. He was just being honest. Pansy was too self-absorbed to care about anyone or anything other than herself. There was no way she would be able to put a child's needs before her own. At least not for long. She grew bored far too easily.
"That's a big decision for you to make," She replied, angling herself away from him with a deep frown.
"It's a decision that I don't need to think about. We both know we're not apt parents. Besides, I hate children and so do you. Our child would turn out worse than you and I combined. We have sex for fun, Pansy. Not for romantic purposes or for the purpose of creating a future. You don't desire a future with me and I don't desire one with you."
She swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. She knew he was right, but hearing the words were more painful than she had imagined. He had never spoken like that to her before. They had always worked out an understanding in very few words. Blaise had no problem hurting her feelings and she knew that. Normally she would shoot back her own insults and comments and let the rest roll right off of her shoulders, but not now.
"I can't promise you that I'll do what you want. But I will… consider it."
"There is nothing to consider. You will not have my child. If you want to be a mother then find someone more willing. I refuse to be held responsible for your inability to be realistic. That's the end of this conversation."