A Change in Plan:
My hands deftly entered a frequency into my holocommunicator. A small blue image of Darth Baras flashed into view.
"Everything is set, my Lord. We should reach the Transponder Station tomorrow just before midday. I will report my success to you upon completion." The words didn't sound like my own. I numbly listened to the praises Darth Baras spoke afterward and my stomach turned. What was I even doing? How was I going to go through with this?
Baras' image blinked away and I was left alone on the bridge once more. The trap was set. There was no going back now.
I wrapped my fingers tightly around my holocom, fruitlessly trying to destroy it, and with it, all the other things I had done thus far. In frustration I threw the device across the room. It wasn't until after the holocom made a small clink sound as it hit the ground that the noise would potentially wake up another of the crew. This would inevitably lead to a line of questioning that I had no desire to partake in, so I crossed the room to retrieve the device. With a sigh I returned to my seat at the navigation and control terminal.
Seconds ticked by like hours, and when no one showed (thankfully), I began checking and rechecking the destination coordinates. I pulled up the droid schematics I had been working on in secret for weeks now, and with them I ran simulation after simulation. All of them ended the same. My chest tightened. There was no going back now.
After the twenty-third simulation I sighed and closed the program, triple-checking the encryption. I left the bridge in a haze, wondering just how difficult sleep would be, considering the circumstances.
The door to the quarters I shared with Lord Idria silently slid open. Her sleeping form lay perfectly still, and from the dim light of the corridor I could see her form in the most peaceful way I had ever seen her. With each breath her chest rose and fell evenly. I lingered in the doorway, admiring her from the distance: this woman whom I had pledged myself to as a man; this Sith whom I had pledged my allegiance to as an Imperial officer.
As I watched her my thoughts drifted to when we had first met.
"When I imagine all the ways you will shape the galaxy, it excites me, yes," I had blurted to her out of embarrassment. Though it was to cover up my uncomfortable feelings toward her flirting, the statement was true. At that time, she stirred something in me that I hadn't felt since leaving the Naval Academy. And with each passing mission, she continued to fill me with the same feeling of duty, honor, and pride. With time, I cultivated those feelings into admiration, appreciation, and eventually love.
My chest tightened as a grim smile spread across my lips. With one step I crossed the threshold into the room I would probably never enter again. I wouldn't want to, I thought, taking a few more quiet steps to the bed. I would close it off forever like a mausoleum to our love.
"Malavai?" Idria's groggy voice broke my thoughts as I climbed into the spot next to her. In that moment my name on her lips was the sweetest sound I had ever heard, even though it had been said so many times before. Her arms found my shoulders and she pulled herself up to my slightly kneeling position. Her mouth found mine, stumbling slightly in the dark. Hungrily I deepened the kiss.
-When I imagine all the ways you will shape the galaxy…-
Again the statement flashed across my mind. My eyes stung with the threat of tears. Hastily I pulled myself away from Lord Idria and held her by the hips.
"There is something I forgot to check on the bridge, my Lord. I will be swift, I promise," I whispered frantically, hoping the lie would hold up. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, I could see her green eyes staring into mine, a small pout set on her lips. I smiled warmly, blinking back the tears, and placed a delicate kiss on her forehead. I could feel her smiling back at me as I scrambled from the bed to the door.
When I reached the bridge I nearly forgot what I had intended to do there. The tears I had blinked away returned to blur my vision when I reopened the droid schematics. I couldn't let her fall by my hands. She was too much of an asset to the Empire for me to do such a thing. The trap had been set. There was no going back now. But I could at least do the more correct thing.
My fingers raced over the keys, altering the droids programming. Baras would hunt me down and kill me if I were to fail, but there was nothing said about if I died by Idria's hand. I weakened the droids significantly and ran the simulation I had run a thousand times before. The results changed dramatically. A flawless victory for any Sith.
My heart broke in my chest, and I could no longer keep my eyes dry. I would trade my life for hers. There was no going back now.
I sat on the bridge for several minutes, creating and rehearsing the speech I would give on the Transponder Station. Everything had to be perfect in order for Lord Idria to believe my treachery enough to want to kill me. The word choice, the harshness in my voice, it would all be a cleverly calculated ruse.
With a sigh I stood to make the trek back to the quarters I shared with the Sith Lord who would kill me the next day. As I walked I dried my eyes with the back of my hand and put on my best stoic face. When the door to our quarters slid opened, my features softened into a smile. Idria had returned to a prone position and appeared to be asleep once more.
One final time I rehearsed my speech in my head, wishing just for a second that I could undo it all. Wishing I didn't have to speak such false, cruel words to the beautiful woman lying a few feet from me.
I undressed slowly after entering the room. My hands began to shake slightly as I contemplated the methods she might use for my death. The thought of ceasing to exist haunted me; the preparation only made it worse. Would she run me though with her lightsaber? Would she choke me through the force until my lungs could no longer inhale? Or would she simply wound me enough to be able to bleed out, cold and alone? The final option seemed most fitting for a betrayer.
I climbed into bed and was promptly greeted by two arms wrapping themselves around me. All previous thoughts escaped my mind as I wrapped my own arms around her small frame.
"Did you take care of everything?" she asked into my chest.
I breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of her hair before responding. "Indeed. Everything appears to be in order." And it was. The trap was set – the outcomes changed – and there was no going back now.
"I love you, My Lord," I said after a long period of silence.
"Idria," she responded, correcting me.
I grinned. "I love you, Idria." Her name was bittersweet on my lips. I tightened my grip on her, wishing to never leave this entwined state.
"I love you, too, Malavai," she replied with a yawn, nuzzling my chest.
And with a small kiss on the top of her head, I closed my eyes, finally ready for sleep, finally at peace. I was prepared for death as fully as I ever would be. My trap would spring, and I would fall. But I would fall knowing the love of a woman as powerful and remarkable as Lord Idria. There was no going back now.