Chapter One of Sirius

Down in the Department of Mysteries, the black, torn veil fluttered. There was a loud scream, the sound of someone in deathly pain. And then with one more twitch, the dark cloth sent a human out from between the arches. He stood up, and looked around. And then set off at a dead run.

I woke up with a start, not surprised at the dream. I had been getting them constantly lately. There was something strangely familiar about that. But why do I keep having dreams about the veil? Does my mind want to torture me further with the fact that I just about killed Sirius?

Sorrow clenched my heart, squeezing, and not letting go. Tears filled my eyes, threatening to fall, but I blinked them away. I curled up on my bed, trying to wash away the feeling of helplessness. It was all my fault. It was all my fault that I didn't use the mirrors when I could have. If I had, Sirius wouldn't be dead. I wouldn't have killed him! The tears that had earlier wanted to fall, did, as I remembered how fondly Sirius had spoken of the times he and my father talked through those mirrors during detentions. How everyone at school dreaded being the object of their pranks, but loved to watch them being pulled. In a way, it was a happy feeling, but…I also dreaded thinking of my godfather.

I tried to conjure up a picture of him, but…the only one that came to mind was the one of when he was falling to his death. The look of shock and horror, and of hate. I would often wake up crying his name after having a replay nightmare of that time. I was scared that the loathing crossing his face was directed at me, instead of his cousin.

That horrible, idiot, murdering cousin of his! I'll kill her, if it's the last thing I do. And it probably would, seeing as she's one of Voldemort's top murderers. But I won't mind going down as long as she does too. I'd at least be able to see Sirius again.

I stood up, and glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I look like shit. My face was red from crying, and my eyes had dark circles under them from lack of sleep. I could almost pass as someone just let out of Azkaban. Azkaban. And Sirius just got his name cleared after he died. I wish he hadn't escaped just to come after me, because then he still might've been alive. And then we could've cleared his name once we found Pettigrew. And he wouldn't have died. I doubled over in sobs again. Tears streaming like a waterfall down my face.

There was a knock on the door and Aunt Petunia stuck her face in. 'It's breakfast time.' I tried to hide my face from her, as I collapsed onto my bed again. 'I don't want any.' My voice broke, and I started weeping all over again.

'What's wrong?'

'Like I'd tell you! You'll just find some way to rub it back in my face. You'd throw me out of the house after you'd learned what I'd done.'

My aunt came and sat down on the edge of my bed.

'I'd never throw you out. It was your uncle who was scared senseless of your kind. I never minded them. He forced me to work you hard no matter what. He always kept tabs on me to make sure I was never nice. Trust me. It hurt. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, because I know I've been the worst ever possible, but if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here.'

I looked up in wonder at the face above me. Her normally screaming and annoyed face was soft and kind. I sighed. 'I guess I can tell you. It won't hurt. Did you ever hear of Sirius Black?'

'Wasn't he that escaped convict a couple years back?'

'Yes. He escaped from Azkaban, the wizard prison. He was jailed for the murder of thirteen people, which he didn't do. It was his school friend, Peter Pettigrew who betrayed him for the dark side. Well, in my third year, he escaped to find me. Everyone thought he was coming to find me to kill me, but he really had come to kill my friend's rat, Scabbers, who was Peter Pettigrew in disguise. We became friends, and I found out he was my dad's best friend, and my godfather. And then last year, I had a dream that showed him in the Department of Mysteries, a place in the wizarding world. I thought the dream was true, and I went there. He really wasn't there, and he found out, and followed me to make sure I wouldn't get hurt. I didn't get physically hurt, but he-he…died there, practically killing me too, mentally.'

'Your dad's best friend? His best man? He's dead?'

'You knew him?'

'I went to your parents wedding, and met him there. We became friends a bit. I'll miss him, though not as much as you, as I had only seen him once.'

I gaped through my tears at my aunt. Here was someone alive that could tell me about Sirius.

'I-I well…can you keep a secret?'

'I'll try. I want to try to do something for you after I've been so mean before.'

'I-I…I think that I…' I paused. Was I really going to tell her that I loved Sirius? I had found out the summer before my fifth year. I had been strangely drawn to him and fully accepted it during Christmas break. I was in love.

'What is it?'

I decided I'd tell her. I wanted her trust, and I wanted her to know that I forgave her. After all, Uncle Vernon is very intimidating. 'I…think I…was in love with him.'

Aunt Petunia gave a gasp and tears filled her eyes. 'I'm so sorry, my poor boy. To lose a loved one. I…I guess I didn't know how much you cared for him, I was wondering why you were beating yourself up so much.' She engulfed me in a hug that could rival Mrs. Weasely's or Hermione's.

'I'm glad you understand, and all. I…I never told my friends or anything, because they might think it was wrong and abandon me.'

'It is kind of strange, though, he is your godfather, and is old enough to be your dad. But I'll try to be supportive, since I never got to be before.'

'Well…thanks. But…why are you suddenly helping me?'

'Y-you came home, and…you were so helpless. You gave into Vernon's torture, and you didn't lift a hand against him. He teased you, made rude comments about your family, and yet you never got mad. You just moped around, broken. I-I just wanted to know what was wrong.' My aunt burst into tears, and hugged me tightly again. She stroked back my hair from my forehead and looked into my face. 'You are the exact image of your father, but-'

'But with my mother's eyes. You don't know how many times I hear that.'

'But that doesn't change the fact that it's true.'

I laughed lightly. My god. This house has completely changed. I'm actually laughing. But how can I laugh after what…I…did?

'So…how about some breakfast?' asked my aunt.

'…Okay. I suppose so. But…will you be horrible to me again?'

'I have to. Or else Vernon will kill me. And I mean it, he will kill me. He hates you!'

I sighed. 'I'll come down.' For you, Sirius, I'll not starve myself. I'll not die. For you, I'll live. My heart clenched at the promise I just made. There was no point in staying alive, really. Not when he was dead. I was only a pawn in the war. Bred for a single purpose: to kill the Dark Lord.

A couple minutes after my aunt left, I peeled myself from my bed and plodded down to breakfast. The smell of freshly toasted bread wafted up. Hopefully I'm not too late. Dudley probably ate it all. But he hadn't. He was still in bed, asleep. I grabbed three pieces of toast, and left to go outside. It was the only place I could feel alone and peaceful. The only place I could mourn for Sirius in peace.

I miss you so much. I wish I could've told you…just how much I…loved you…before you …left…

Reposted, because the italics didn't work in the original update. Review!