Old-fashioned Surprises

By Glistening Sun

She keeps surprising me.

The first big surprise came when she actually agreed to date me. For a moment I was afraid she was going to turn me down, but then I realized that I had needed weeks, if not months to psych myself up to finally ask her – and that she hadn't had any of that preparation time. So given the circumstances, her 'fine' was more than fine with me and the way she touched her hair when walking away, her trademark gesture when she was flustered, made me smile uncontrollably.

The conditions she put on us dating were also rather surprising. While I had expected her to be more conservative than me, more careful and guarded, I hadn't thought that she would want to take it quite that slow. Because we are taking it slow, really, really slow. And I'm okay with that. What choice did I have anyway? I fell in love with her years ago and while I won't tell her yet, I do love her. I've loved her since she gave our friendship a second chance after she found out about my lies to my family. I love her. There is no other way to describe this feeling when I look at her across the room and her eyes find mine and her face lights up, no other way to describe what it does to me to hear her voice and the crazy beating of my heart when she interlaces her fingers with mine.

She told me that she had been raised in a strict catholic home and while she had given her children more freedom than she had growing up, she was still subscribing to those old-fashioned values for her own life. Old-fashioned values meaning that Jack had been her first and only partner and that she believed 'there is a certain level of intimacy that is reserved for marriage only'. Her cheeks were a little red when she told me and I could tell from her eyes that she felt insecure about my reaction. I was surprised, and a part of me was disappointed that what I had been craving for so long seemed so very far away, but none of that mattered. What mattered was that she knew I would wait for her. She had just bared her heart to me and I wanted her to know that she was safe with me, that I wouldn't make fun of her or try to push her beyond her own boundaries. We had come so far; I couldn't scare her off now. I gently ran my hand over hers softly saying her name. When she wouldn't look up, I lifted her chin with one finger fighting hard not to lean in and kiss her with all that I had. Instead, I placed a soft kiss on her cheek, familiar territory from the days when we had just been friends and relief rushed through me as I could feel her smile in response.

"I want to go out with you, Andy, very much so. But I am not going to jump into this head first. We've taken years to build our friendship, and I want us to take the same care with building our romantic relationship. We still need to be able to work together no matter where our relationship goes, and I'd like it if we could go back to being very good friends if dating doesn't work out for us. And if we find that, uh, that we do want to be together, I'm expecting us to make a formal, legal commitment to each other."

A legal commitment. Marriage. I had never thought about getting married again, but it wasn't like I was opposed to the idea either. Marriage. The idea that Sharon might one day be my wife filled me with nothing but pure, unadulterated joy. I nodded enthusiastically, but Sharon shook her head, "Don't say anything now. Think about what this would mean for you and whether you still want to date me under these circumstances."

What choice did I have? I had fallen in love with her slowly, bit by bit, until I was so deeply engaged, there was no way I could have ever turned away from her. The choice was hers. A friendship? I would have agreed to that just to be close to her. Dating, the old fashioned way working towards something serious and permanent? That part was beyond my wildest dreams!

The next day we were standing on her balcony, side by side but not touching yet. I meant to pick her up for our second date, but she asked me out here to talk first. She looked beautiful in a dress I was sure was new, her hair swept up and her arms bare. I couldn't stop staring at her and while she returned my look without hesitation, there was something insecure about her. "So," she started with an uncharacteristically shaky voice, "is today still our second date?"

Did she really think I would give up on her that easily just because she had set some conditions? "Yes, our second date," I said, my voice hoarse. "If you'd like it to be."

"Gosh, Andy, I think you should be the judge of that. I realise I'm probably a lot more demanding than the women you've gone out with in the past."

More demanding? Sharon was offering me her heart, and a life together while my past relationships if one could even call them that had been about mutual satisfaction and a few shared nights. I had thought about her conditions, and the way she looked at our relationship. She was as controlled and disciplined emotionally as she was at work. There was a lot at stake for us, both professionally and personally. We were no longer teenagers and while Provenza and Patrice had shown that age wasn't a reason to not move ahead quickly, I was happy to go along with Sharon's conditions.

"You're nothing like the women I've gone out with in the past, Sharon! I am not looking for a fling. You are my best friend. One day you might be my wife, but I always want you to be my best friend first."

"So waiting doesn't bother you?"

"You know me well enough to know that I would be lying if I said I didn't desire you – but I'll wait. You are careful, and given our situation, I think that's wiser than my approach would be. So yes, Sharon, I would love to take you out for our second date!"

The smile that lit up her face was more beautiful than any I had ever seen. She radiated with happiness, her green eyes sparkling. I had to fight with all of my strength not to lean in and kiss her and I was so concentrated on behaving myself that I missed the soft tapping against my hand. At last she raised an eyebrow. "Andy," she admonished me, "even I think it's appropriate to hold hands on our second date." I felt her fingers tap my hand again and when I wrapped my hand around hers, she gave me the tiniest wink. "That's better," she said and squeezed my hand.

The tapping was her way of initiating physical contact with me. She would never just take my hand, but she would tap, rapid and insistent, and her fingers would intertwine with mine as if they were made to fit together. But when she stood next to me at Mariana's funeral it took me a lot longer to realize what she wanted. It was the first time we ever held hands in front of the team, the first time we ever showed any kind of physical interaction. Her hand in mine felt good, grounding me in a way I hadn't realised I needed and when I walked up to her after her conversation with Rusty, I could tell she was the one who needed grounding. I just wanted to touch her waist briefly, but she pulled my hand around her like she did when we were alone. That was the moment I understood just how serious she was about our relationship.

The team went out for a joint lunch, but by early afternoon we were breaking up. Rusty decided to show Gus where Mariana had lived and I offered to take Sharon home. "Only if you'll join me for a cup of tea at home," she said and I knew she meant exactly that. Her conditions gave our relationship a clarity I was starting to appreciate. She was quiet and pensive during the drive home, but her hand rested over mine on the gearshift and in the elevator she stood so close to me I could feel her breath against my skin.

We settled on the sofa and she leaned in to kiss me. Our kisses had always been chaste, a press of lips against each other and I had always led her take the lead. She kissed like a little bird, lots of small kisses making me crazy with want. I felt like sitting on my hands like a naughty school boy just so I could be sure I wouldn't draw her against me the way I wanted to so badly. She pulled back and I kept my eyes closed.

"Andy?" she nudged me with her shoulder, "if I didn't know any better I would think you're not at all interested in me."

My eyes flew open to see her smiling face, "What? Sharon, I …"

"I'm just saying that you're welcome to put your arms around me when we're kissing. I won't break, and I promise you I won't run away." She wasn't even trying to hide the amusement in her voice, "I never thought anyone could be too much of a gentleman, Andy!"

My heart was beating rapidly and my whole body was on fire with excitement – and all she had done was to tell me to put my arms around her. I put one arm around her waist and ran my free hand over her hair. It was so soft, and full. When she nodded I pushed my fingers deeper into her curls and her quiet little hum was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. I could feel her hands, the one resting on my chest was holding onto my shirt now, the other caressing the back of my neck. I closed my eyes rejoicing in being so close to her when I felt her lips on mine again. They were so wonderfully soft. Her kisses were longer this time, she lingered close to me, humming again when I brought her in for another kiss with gentle pressure from my hand. Oh God, give me the strength to hold back, I prayed, give me the strength to hold back so I won't scare her away. Then I felt her tongue pushing its way into my mouth. She tasted like tea and fruits and Sharon. Yes, this was what Sharon tasted like and I knew I would never get enough of that taste. My body was responding to her with a ferocity I hadn't experienced in years. Heart beating quickly, hands shaking, my head swirling and …

I came to in a warm safe place. Where was I? I remembered being in Sharon's condo and I remembered kissing her and then … nothing. Nothing? I was still in her condo, on the sofa to be precise and it seemed like I was cradled in her arms, my head held tightly against her chest. God, what had happened? Then Sharon's face came into view with an expression full of concern, "Andy, welcome back."

"What happened?" I had kissed her, but then why was I lying in her arms now?

"I think you might have fainted on me there, Andy. How are you feeling?" she said, gently running her fingers down the side of my face.

"I … I fainted? But … we were kissing."

Sharon smirked, "That we were, and I was enjoying it, very much I might add. Gosh, nobody ever passed out from kissing me before and now the great Andy Flynn!"

"Please don't tease me, Sharon, this is … wow, this is embarrassing."

"Don't be, Andy, there is no rush. I'm just realizing something," she smiled and bend down to kiss me, "Maybe I'm not the only one who is old-fashioned in this relationship!"