Our tale begins aboard the spacecraft Normandy, where commander Biceps is speaking with the Illusive man about things in the comm room.
"I thank you for reviving me from kill, my friend. But I still do not trust you, my friend."
Pasha says to the Illusive Man hologram. The Illusive man nods and replies.
"I understand, Pasha. Trust is something that is built over time as you will soon learn if you hope to save the galaxy from the clutches of Fnatic and Titan. Luckily for you, we have received vital information that could help to topple one of those teams."
"What is it, my friend?"
Asked Pasha, intrigued. The Illusive man turns to a pie chart that he drew on a blackboard that displays the name of KQLY on it and gives Pasha a smirk.
"After much research I compiled evidence and have come to conclusion that KQLY…" The Illusive man steps back, showing a picture of KQLY's VAC banned smurf account behind him. "IS HECKER."
Pasha gasps in surprise at this revelation, palm hitting the table with a thud.
"That is impossible, my friend! So does that mean that his jump shot was bullshits, my friend?" The Illusive man nodded, graveness on his face. "Then I will make his life a living HELL, my friend! HELL HELL HELL. You is not cheat against pro team and get away with it, my friend. I must ask Volvo for admin."
"You chose to spare the Volvo staff during the Steam Greenlight trash overflow, Pasha, so there is a very good chance they will give admin. After you get admin from Volvo, meet with me again and I will tell you the next step of the plan."
Pasha nods and turns off hologram.
"Edi, set course for the Volvo headquarters in Citidel, my friend!"
Announced the commander authoritatively. The Normandy flew through space at record speed and Pasha was left to find something to do in his spare time.
He eventually settles on meeting with gunnery officer ScreaM and goes below deck to find him typing something into the gunnery computer.
"Hello, my friend," Pasha says to him, "I have grave news to tell you, my friend."
"What is it?"
Asks ScreaM.
"You was once member of Titan, my friend, so I must let you know… THAT KQLY IS HECKER."
ScreaM looks at Pasha with a look of shock on his face.
"Seriously? No."
"Is true, my friend."
ScreaM shakes his head as tears begin to form in his eyes.
"Seriously? No. Seriously? Nooo. Seriously? No. Seriously? No."
"Is true, Illusive man has found KQLY smurf account with vec ban on it and his main may be next if I get admin from Volvo."
Scream nods in understanding, tears flowing down his face.
"I understand. Do what must be done, commander Biceps, to stop heckers from ruining game."
With that, Pasha goes to see N0thing, the pilot of the EU Normandy.
"How are you holding up, my friend?"
Pasha asks, leaning against the side of the ship casually.
"Well, I forgot to take my daily dose of adderall so I'm not feeling all that good right now," says n0thing, "I will crash the ship probably unless you get me more."
Pasha sighs.
"Again with this, my friend? I swear I will ask Volvo to do drug test in next matches my friend but I will get you your adderall this time, my friend."
Pasha's eyes widen as he sees a sun in the distance that n0thing is about to fly into unless he gets his drugs.
Will Pasha be able to stave off n0thing's drug addiction? Will KQLY get his main VAC banned? Will commander Biceps get admin from Volvo? Find out on the next exciting episode!