(A Yoshiki x hide fanfic)
Note 1: In this world, Yoshiki, hide and Toshi are the only ones mentioned from X Japan... the rest of X is irrelevant.
Note 2: This story takes place in a world where Toshi was not brainwashed, where Toshi was not a dumbass to quit the band, where Toshi did not start worshipping some stupid ass cult because he couldn't get hide to go to bed with him...
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"Come on hide, you know you want me..." Toshi purred into hide's ear.
hide had a look of absolute annoyance as every cell of his body tried to fight off Toshi's advances. But he was cornered in the studio and damn it, Yoshiki was late again. Yoshiki asked, more like begged, him out a few weeks ago, but now someone with toad-like genitals is sexually harassing him, and his supposed boyfriend isn't anywhere to be seen!
"Ewww! Toshi's coming near me! Get out of my way, damn it!" cried out a skin cell on hide's arm.
hide's nipple suppressed a whimper and said, "At least Toshi isn't trying to pinch you. It hurts you know! And worse, I'm starting to respond!"
Just then, the door to the studio slowly opened. Two women were holding the doors... if you could call them women, that is. Only men with the brain size of a quail egg would find them attractive... unfortunately most men do... Anyway, the two women had boobs the size of 5 watermelons and waists the radius of most men's brains. The blonde women cleared her throat and announced, "Oh hail the arrival of Yoshiki-sama! The god of beauty, of grace, of intelligence, of amazing ability to discover talent, of sex, of 5 hour masturbation, of making you want to sell your soul to the devil to see his naked form! Grovel at his feet!" Lightning flashed outside. Thunder roared in the distance.
Just then, a gentle breeze blew in the direction of Toshi and hide. The wind, carrying beautiful cherry blossoms (Even though they are inside a building, the power of Yoshiki-sama surpasses all!) gently caressed hide's face and his, thanks to Toshi, exposed groin. Magically, the wind also pushed away Toshi to the other side of the room. Cherry blossoms swirled in the air as a beautiful figure stepped in. At that instant, a bright light flowed into the room along with wisps of ethereal fog.
hide was hypnotized at the sight before him! Oh God! Take my soul! Just let me see that hot body! A strange thought popped into hide's mind. WTF? Focus on those wiggly watermelon boobs hide! You can't let him know you actually want him this bad! hide tried his best to turn away from Yoshiki, but found his attempts to be futile.
Just then someone yelled, "Yoshiki-sama! I'm getting tired of holding onto this fog dispenser. You should've bought the more expensive one at Walmart! It had a stand!" Unfortunately, even though Yoshiki somehow governed winds and cherry blossoms, the power of fog belonged exclusively to Toshiya.
"Of course I wouldn't give him my fog powers! I need it whenever I want to cuddle with Kaoru's you know what... We can't have people seeing that. That's were the fog comes in!" Toshiya popped up out of nowhere and announced.
"Don't ruin Yoshiki-sama's moment of godliness you stupid piece of shit!" All of a sudden, rotten tomatoes, 1000-year-old noodles, green-blue eggs, decayed tofu and worm guts rained from the sky and splattered onto the poor fog dispenser holder... all of which I, the almighty author, commanded to fall.
"My beautiful angel," Yoshiki, ignoring the unfortunate servant, gracefully walked over to a stunned hide and whispered in his ear, "has been assaulted by a very evil demon I see. I will cleanse away the filth leftover by him and you'll return to your beautiful, pure and pink self." Yoshiki ran his hand through hide's hair and hide tilted his head to the touch.
Meanwhile, scrawny little Toshi sat in the corner as the prize that was almost his was snatched away by Yoshiki... again! Pouting, Toshi shot Yoshiki glares of death, which he has mastered after 5 months of bitter training under Kaoru! He has now finally memorized the process. Think of sugar bunnies! Sugar bunnies that bounce around on... Toshi thought with all his might. Suddenly a ray of black ice zoomed out of eyes and shot towards Yoshiki. In a matrix-like slow motion way, one of the women that arrived with Yoshiki jumped in front of the ray of ice. The ice impaled into her left boob, leaving Yoshiki unharmed. The enormous boob exploded in a shower of redness. Toshi looked at the crimson material in front of him and exclaimed, "What the fuck? This is... a watermelon!"
Totally ignoring Toshi, his bodyguards and the watermelon, Yoshiki continued to whisper words of affection into hide's ears. Now they were locked in a deep kiss. Yoshiki's tongue prowled through hide's mouth, and for the 2849376th time in his life, Yoshiki tasted hide's essence... it was strawberry ice cream and cherry flavored. As the kiss deepened, it took every bit of Yoshiki's godly strength to carry on and not melt into a puddle on the floor. See normal humans would've died upon tasting such deliciousness, but obviously Yoshiki's god, so...
For hide, the experience was different. Tasting a god's essence, now that's not something you do everyday. Consuming Yoshiki's essence was indescribable and very addictive. (Aka... I ran out of descriptions...)
Having shot one death glare already today, it would take at least 3 days to regain enough energy to produce another one for an amateur death glarer like Toshi. He could do nothing more but stare longingly as Yoshiki began peeling off hide's clothes and wish somehow Yoshiki would magically self-combust.
"Nnn..."
"Ah..."
"Harder..."
"There... right there... More! Uhhnnnn!"
"Yoshiki! I'm..."
With every moan and with every thrust, Toshi felt his heart being stabbed by hide's gelled pink hair.
Yoshiki and hide lay on the ground, both exhausted after 4 hours, 37 minutes and 16 seconds of sexing. Without any of them looking, which wasn't hard since hide and Yoshiki were still gazing into each other's eyes and Toshi was still in a state of mental shock, the remaining big-breasted bodyguard scooped up Yoshiki's semen into a vial and grinned evilly. A few weeks after, a friend of a friend of a friend of mine told her friend who told her friend who told her friend who told me that she actually bought Yoshiki's sperm for $49381475932.36 on Ebay! Apparently it sold by someone with the nickname Melonboobs2. How anyone got their hands on Yoshiki's sperm no one has ever found out to this day, thus it has been labeled one of the greatest mysteries of all time.
"It's good to exercise a little before a live isn't it hide darling?" Yoshiki turned over to lover and put his arms around him.
hide managed to unraveled himself from Yoshiki's arms and stood. "I've got to get washed, changed, massaged, manicured, hair spiked, nails painted, boots polished and pickup my thongs from Toshiya. He volunteered to sew them for me after YOU ripped them last week!" With that, hide walked off.
When Yoshiki made sure hide was gone, he turned his attention to the still dazed Toshi and said, "hide is MINE, you toad! Bodyguard #2! Do him!" With that Yoshiki disappeared in a shower of cherry blossoms.
(The following events that occurred in the studio have been censored for all readers' safety... and sanity.)
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2 hours later, hide and Yoshiki were finally spotless, clean and refreshed for their concert. No one would've guessed they'd just engaged in 4 hours, 37 minutes and 16 seconds of sex 2 hours ago... which actually broke the previous sexing record of 4 hours 32 minutes and 28 seconds accomplished by Kyo and... Kyo himself.
hide was a bit nervous as he always was and peeked out into the crowd. Rabid fangirls with bloodshot eyes, yellow teeth and white foam spewing from their gaping mouths screamed out his and Yoshiki's name. Toshi's name was shouted once in awhile too... but only by transvestite pedophiles...
It was finally time for the live. Yoshiki smiled and winked at hide when they ascended the stage. Despite being splattered with fangirl saliva, drool, popcorn and teeth, hide now felt confident and relieved. Whatever happens, Yoshiki would be there with me... unless he dies of fangirl drool poisoning. Gods like Yoshiki are immune to stuff like that... right? Under Toshi's signaling, hide cleared his mind of Yoshiki and began to play the first song.
After performing through 11 songs, hide was physically drained. By then, hide and Yoshiki were already unrecognizable under the layers upon layers of white foam. Finally, finished the last song... hide thought and began to walk off when suddenly Yoshiki twirled his godly arms and the drum set disappeared in a shower of cherry blossoms and a magnificent piano appeared in its place. Yoshiki beamed at hide and said calmly, "For you, my angel." and began to play "Forever Love".
hide stood dumb-folded... What the hell was Yoshiki doing! That sex maniac with an IQ of negative fifty! I can't believe he's... However, that last thought never finished as the beauty of the melody and Yoshiki's charming smile... underneath the foam, finally had its effect on hide. Oh my god! Yoshiki is so beautiful!
Finally, the piece, all 8 minutes and 43 seconds of it, was finished. Yoshiki stood up, walked over to hide and kissed him gently on the lips.
Magically, thanks to Yoshiki's godly powers, the TV screens, computer screens, laptop screens, palm pilot screens, cell phone screens, mp3 player screens, ipod screens, window screens, sunscreens of the world began to show footage of the live.
Before hide had time to react to the kiss, Yoshiki gracefully kneeled on the floor and a beautiful diamond ring appeared on his hand. "Will you marry me hide? I love you so much." A beam of light descended from heaven and shone directly through the ceiling, illuminating both hide and Yoshiki.
Time seemed to stop for hide as he stared at Yoshiki's lovely face and that exquisite ring.
"Hot damn! I want that on me! Look at the diamond! Sweet!" cried hide's finger in awe.
"But Yoshiki is a dimwit who sits around wondering why sheep doesn't shrink when it rains. His stupidity might rub off on you! God knows how much rubbing he's already done on me!" exclaimed hide's cock.
"Screw off! hide should marry Yoshiki-sama!"
"No he shouldn't!"
All of a sudden, every cell of hide's body began arguing over whether hide should or should not marry Yoshiki. Just as hide was about to burst from all the shouting, a loud voice sounded, drowning out all the rest. It was hide's heart. "Marry him hide, you love him! He has done so much for you! He always watches out for you and takes care of you. He snuggles you into bed and buys you plushies. He gave you everything he owned, including his heart. If you reject him, you would be heartless! No pun intended. Besides he's great at sex and dimwittedness can be cured... hopefully."
Noting the hesitation in hide, Yoshiki took hide's hands. Tears trickled down that beautiful face of his and he whispered gently, "hide, my love for you is eternal. Marry me and I'll do everything in my power to make you happy. I will go to the ends of the earth to retrieve what you desire and I will endure all the tortures of hell to take away your pain. You will be the happiest wife in the world. I promise! So please hide, let me show you the depth of my love for you... and let's do it on stage!" (Gomen for the mushiness…)
"Do it on the stage? Are you fucking crazy? We just did it right before the live for 4 hours! It's still sore!... But… hell yes I'm marrying you!" hide practically jumped into Yoshiki's arms.
Smooch, kiss, tongues intertwine, and then clothes are gone. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in history, two J-rockers began to have sex on stage while the entire world watched... with absolutely no censoring!
Around the world, J-rock fans simultaneously began to nosebleed.
On the stage floor, fangirl white foam was washed away by nose blood into the sewers. A few weeks later, a newspaper article noted the drastic declination of rats in Japan...
The people of the world were simultaneously rushed to the already packed hospitals as they all began to suffer from major blood loss due to the heavy nose bleeding.
4 hours, 37 minutes and 16 seconds later...
Toshi and 90 of the fans at the live were rushed to the hospital due to severe, irreversible and incurable brain damage. Unfortunately for Toshi, 10 of the 90 were transvestite pedophiles who all faked the illness so they could perform their own "medical experimentations" on their beloved vocalist in the hospital.
hide was completely exhausted and completely stunned... Oh god! I've sexed Yoshiki for 4 hours twice in a day! Yoshiki got up beside him, bent down and carried hide in his arms. Yoshiki faced the audience... or what was left of the audience and announced, "Our wedding is the day after tomorrow! All is welcome!" Then he whispered into hide's ears, " As if I'm going to wait that long to do you when you're in a wedding dress!"
After saying that, Yoshiki began to nosebleed! Well, apparently even a god like Yoshiki would nosebleed when imagining hide in a wedding gown. Yoshiki's godly blood dripped from his godly nose down his godly leather jacket, down his godly leather pants unto the very very very ungodly stage floor covered with remnants of white foam. Unknown to the people around it, the instant that tiny droplet of Yoshiki's godly blood touched the ground, 50714 different kinds of blood from the nose of 50714 different rabid fans swarmed onto the drop of liquid and began to grope it like crazy. Yoshiki, too caught up in "the angel" in his arms, failed to hear the blood-curdling screams of his blood. He smiled at everyone and disappeared in a shower of cherry blossoms carrying hide.
The next day, hide felt like he was in a paradise. He had a gorgeous, handsome, blonde, beautiful god like Yoshiki answering to every one of his commands.
"Yoshiki, hurry up your ass. We need to get my thong from Toshiya, you ripped it again yesterday on stage!"
"Yoshiki, I'm tired. I'm supposed to have my daily cock massage now."
"Cock massage?" Yoshiki raised an eyebrow.
"You might be god. But I have a godly cock!.. that's because it's massaged everyday!" hide said and rolled his eyes.
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The next morning, hide woke up to the chirping of birds outside his window. Today was his big day and he had woken up LATE. Now he ONLY had twelve hours to prepare! (Are birds even awake at 3 am? I'm betting the birds were Yoshiki's work). hide yawned and looked at the list of things to do.
1. Wake up
hide checked it off.
2. Brush teeth and shower
3. Eat breakfast. This morning's menu: sake
4. Phone Kaoru and do hair all nice and pink and shiny and gelled and hard and spiky and lethal and ready to poke Yoshiki in the eye if he does anything stupid during the wedding.
It's good to have Kaoru as a friend, hide thought
5. Brunch time (For normal people who don't wake up at 3am, it's really breakfast) Menu: sake
6. Get fingernails and toenails manicured
7. Shave legs and tell his manager to sell the shavings on Ebay
8. Snack time. Menu: sake
9. Dance lessons with Gackt
10. Get cock massaged.
hide grimaced, I'm gonna need it if I plan to survive tonight.
11. Get dressed in pretty wedding gown
12. Go to the airport to pickup my 5 gallons of makeup shipped all the way from Paris
13. Apply makeup to face
14. Go to the chapel and get married
15. Sex
So much to do, so little time! hide thought as he began to shower and brush his teeth at the same time. After 10 hours, hide was finally in his wedding gown and ready to marry his beloved. The dance lessons had taken longer than expected though… It took quite some time for hide to master the techniques of Gackt's unique spasms and twitching, which Gackt assured would come in handy at the wedding ball.
Meanwhile Yoshiki was growing impatient and nervous. He looked over his list of to do's just to make sure he had completed each thing.
1. Eat. Menu scrambled eggs, sushi, orange juice, hotdogs, dried squid, mashed potato, leftover chocolate cake, ice cream, roasted beef, vegetable casseroles and beer.
2. Get hair done
3. Iron tuxedo
4. Bring ring to chapel
Yoshiki smiled as he assured himself for the 235th time that he had indeed done everything that was required.
The bell chimed, announcing it was finally time for the marriage. The chapel was filled with people. There were the angels whom were Yoshiki's friends (He's god after all), close friends and relatives of hide and Yoshiki ranging from parents to the 10th cousin twice removed, as well as a few non-rabid fans. All the rabid ones were hospitalized during the proposal at the live or currently getting raped by Yoshiki's bodyguards to keep them occupied from the ceremony.
Miyavi bowed to the audience and began to sing and play his famous Kekkonshiki no Uta Kisetsu hazure no Wedding March. The beautiful bride walked into the chapel and he gave Miyavi a sad smile. Miyavi couldn't take it anymore, he and hide had once been lovers. Throwing the guitar aside, Miyavi ran up to hide, grasped his hand and bolted out the door, both laughing happily. Miyavi blinked, the daydream vanished from his mind and saw that hide continued to walk down the aisle towards his future husband to be... Yoshiki. Although Miyavi still loved hide, he knew hide's heart now belongs solely to Yoshiki.
Meanwhile, Yoshiki's using every ounce of his godly powers to prevent himself from nose bleeding. No earthly, mortal, humanly description could match hide's beauty, the entire world (The ceremony was internationally broadcasted again) was awestruck.
Suddenly, a faint snarl was heard behind the bride. A few strong-willed people actually managed to succeed in tearing their eyes from hide's beautiful form to look at the source of the disruption. Behind hide stood the flower... boy whom had fell and now lay sprawled on the ground. He was pea-sized, wore a frilly white dress with wings glued on the back and a twisted plastic halo was taped on his head. The little guy threw a few rose petals in the air and growled again.
"Awww... Kawaii..." A few guests smiled and murmured.
"&$#&$#&#! Mutter Growl DON'T CALL ME KAWAII!" Kyo screamed and stamped the floor. A deafening, glass shattering, eardrum-breaking scream blasted through the chapel. The unfortunate guests who had called the flower boy cute earlier were blown away with so much force that their bodies broke the time and space continuum, landing themselves in an alternate universe in which Toshi had quit the band, X Japan had disbanded, hide had committed suicide and Yoshiki went classical. Oh the horror!
Luckily Kaoru and Toshiya were there to save the day. Kaoru walked over to the pouting Kyo and said, "You throw another tantrum today and we'll put you in a room full of American pop singers!… And we'll set fire to that" Kaoru pointed towards Toshiya.
Toshiya grinned evilly, took out his lighter and... a bunny apron.
Tch. Go ahead and put me in a room with... Wait...NO! Where did they get that? Not my bunny apron! NOOOO! Kyo's mind screamed in protest. He knew they've got him. He muttered a stream of profanity under his breath and continued to throw flowers… mostly at Toshiya and Kaoru's faces.
By then, hide and Yoshiki were already standing side by side in front of the priest. The two were gazing into each other's eyes with longing. They haven't sexed for 20 hours and both couldn't hold it any longer! The old priest cleared his throat and said, "Do you..."
The speech that had taken him 10 hours to prepare was cut short... by a giant rabbit that squatted onto the poor priest. It was Yoshiki's pet rabbit from heaven. Obviously Yoshiki couldn't wait a second longer to marry his beautiful wife.
Yoshiki faced hide, gave him his best charming smile and said, "I do."
hide gazed deep into Yoshiki's eyes and replied, "I do."
The exchange of rings was made and the entire world clapped as the two newly wedded couple broke into a deep kiss. The deafening, glass shattering, eardrum-breaking clapping broke through the space and time continuum again and retrieved the guests from the alternate universe. Unfortunately they had become the 23943857th, 23943858th, 23943859th, 23943860th and 23943861st person to become brain damaged within the past 2 days. Their illness was caused by the shock of realizing that hide had actually died in a different world.
After all these years, hide and Yoshiki have finally overcome all the obstacles... including Toshi, to become married. This was the happiest day of their lives. Yoshiki had even arranged for their honeymoon to be spent in heaven! That night, Yoshiki and hide broke their previous "world record" by another hour...
Toshi was diagnosed with permanent mentally-retardedness... and became a transvestite pedophile himself.
Strangely, after hide and Yoshiki left the chapel a dense fog erupted throughout the chapel, obscuring everyone's view. The next day, someone spotted a diamond ring on Toshiya's finger...
As for our little pea-sized flower boy... "Grrr... Go away! My bunny apron! MINE! Grrr." Well, he went back to his mushroom house and lived the rest of his days with his... bunnies.
All was good with the world... except rabid fangirls who sadly did not make it after spending the night with watermelon-boobed bodyguards. But the rest lived happily ever after.
THE END!
(Phew I'm finished! But if you really want to know what happened to Yoshiki and hide after marriage, you can either phone Kyo to ask him to growl you into an alternate universe where hide isn't dead or bribe me for the sequel! )