DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter.
Written for Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition: Round 3
Team: Kenmare Kestrels
Position: Seeker
Prompt: Write a 950-1200 word fanfic including the word Kestrels.
"I have the most detentions!" A voice jolted Lily out of her sleep. She blinked her bleary eyes, yawning. Sunlight streamed through the open windows.
"Marlene! What's going on?" she asked her friend, rubbing her eyes. Marlene grinned at her, eyes laughing merrily.
"Sirius and James are arguing about who has the most detentions." Marlene giggled, her black curls bouncing bent at her waist in laughter.
"What?" Lily was extremely confused - and irritated. She glared at Marlene, demanding a proper answer.
"I think James is at 564 right now. And Sirius… he's tied with James," Marlene stated thoughtfully.
"They're arguing about detentions?!" Lily exclaimed, disbelief overpowering her words. Her friend only nodded, trying to cease her chortling.
"Of all things, they fight over detentions! Oh, Merlin, why did I ever agree to date that idiot?" Lily moaned.
"Hey! That idiot is my cousin!"
"Cousin or not, he's still an idiot. A blithering buffoon!" Lily ranted. She dragged a brush through her tangled mess of hair forcefully, wincing when she pulled out a few strands. She quickly got ready and gathered all her books into a bag.
"Let's go," Lily told Marlene. Her voice indicated that there was no room for arguments. The two girls made their way down the stairs.
"Lily!" James shouted. He grinned that cheeky smile at her, eyes lighting up. "Tell this barbaric idiot that I have more detentions than him!"
"No fair," Sirius whined. "She'll obviously agree with you, mate. She is your girlfriend, after all."
"Would you both just shut up?" Lily demanded.
"But Lily…" James was silenced by an intimidating glower from Lily. Lily sighed heavily, curling and uncurling her fists.
"Now, let's settle this peacefully. Sirius, go ask Professor McGonagall for the detention records." Sirius shrugged and obeyed. He came back in a few minutes, juggling a massive pile of papers.
"I can't believe she actually let him take them!" Marlene hissed to Lily, staring at the parchment in astonishment.
"Ah, but she was wooed by my charming personality," Sirius stated smoothly, winking at Marlene, who snorted. He dumped the papers onto a table. "This pile is all of Prongs's detentions. This one is mine." He pointed at the two stacks in turn.
"Mine looks bigger," James bragged, smiling smugly. Sirius glared at him, scowling.
"Dinumero." Lily pointed her wand at the papers. Two numbers appeared, side by side.
"They're both 587."
"Which means you're tied," Lily said. She fixed her smoldering eyes on the two boys.
"Prank war!" Frank Longbottom yelled from across the room. The other Gryffindors shouted their agreement.
"No! You can't have a prank war!" Lily exclaimed, dread tinging her voice. She remembered the last prank war Sirius and James had had. That week had been terrible; teachers were driven to the point of weeping.
"War?" James asked, smirking at Sirius.
"War." Sirius smiled, his gray eyes dancing mischievously. They shook each other's hands, fixing the deal.
"I got fifteen detentions today!" James stated cheerfully. Lily stared at him in disbelief.
"You got fifteen? In one day?" Her voice was practically drenched in shock. "Do you know how many House points that we'll lose?"
"I got seventeen!" Sirius interrupted. Lily shook her head, dazed.
"You boys are crazy," she muttered.
"I take pride in that," Sirius replied, grinning stupidly.
"Potter! Black! What's this I hear about a prank war?" Professor McGonagall stood behind them, her lips pursed disapprovingly. She tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for an answer.
"Minnie!" Sirius greeted. Professor McGonagall glowered at him, wiping away the wide smile on his face.
"If you call me that one more time, you won't be going to Hogsmeade this weekend, Black."
"Minnie, will you marry me?" Sirius asked, kneeling down. James snorted. Professor McGonagall's nostrils flared angrily.
"Detention, Black!" she said. She gave him a fierce scowl and turned around, strolling back to the staff table.
"Ha! That's another one!" Sirius did a little victory dance.
"Weren't you going on a date with Peskins?" Marlene asked.
"Not anymore!"
"Idiot," Lily muttered, turning back to her food.
"Today we'll be turning your partner into a bird of your choice," Professor McGonagall announced. Sirius and James immediately jumped to each other. "The incantation is Humavem."
"Humavem," the class repeated. Professor McGonagall showed them the wand movement next.
"You may begin." Lily glanced at Marlene; they made their way towards each other.
"Ready?"
"Yeah. You go first," Marlene offered.
"Humavem." Lily jabbed her wand at Marlene. A blue light shot towards Marlene, hitting her chest. Marlene's features became slightly hawkish, but the transformation wasn't complete.
"Humavem!" James shouted, pointing his wand at Sirius. Sirius was turned into a kestrel instantly. "You know, maybe we should keep you this way." The kestrel hooted furiously, trying to claw at James with its talons.
"I like him this way." Marlene grinned. She cooed mockingly at the kestrel. "Aren't you adorable?"
"Potter! Change him back!" Professor McGonagall ordered sternly.
"Hominum," James muttered reluctantly. The kestrel grew in size, turning back into an angry Sirius.
"Humavem," Sirius spat. The blue light wavered weakly and had no effect on James.
"Concentrate, Black!" Professor McGonagall barked at him.
"You looked good as a kestrel, mate! I really wish we could keep you that way!" James chortled.
"Detention, Potter! Stop fooling around and get to work!" James smiled triumphantly.
"This is going too far," Lily murmured to Marlene, trying the spell again. It worked this time, and Marlene was replaced by a hawk.
"Ten points to Gryffindor," Professor McGonagall praised. "Good work, Ms. Evans."
Meanwhile, James had turned Sirius into a kestrel again. "Look! He's the perfect mascot for the Kenmare Kestrels! All we have to do is put him in a cage and mail him off!" The kestrel hooted indignantly, glaring at all of them with its beady eyes.
The bell rang, signaling that class was over. James pocketed the protesting kestrel, grinning.
"Don't forget anything!" Professor McGonagall called out. Lily joined Marlene with her bag, and the two walked together to the Great Hall.
Lily sat down on the worn seat and began filling her plate. James sat down beside her, and he pulled the kestrel out from his robe, setting it down on the table.
"Is that Sirius?" Frank asked, laughing. James nodded. "How long are you going to keep him like that?"
"Until I get a detention." James picked up the kestrel, stroking its feathers with a finger.
"McGonagall's coming this way," Marlene whispered to Lily. "Five, four, three, two, and…"
"Potter! Double detention!" The elderly witch was livid. She pointed her wand at the kestrel, turning it back to an extremely aggravated Sirius, who immediately lunged for James.
"Both of you. My office. Now!" Professor McGonagall shrieked. The two boys followed her happily.
It was finally the end of their seventh year. The prank war had raged furiously. And in the end, James and Sirius had tied yet again with a grand total of 987 detentions.
"Of course, they tied," Lily had sighed. The prank war was finally over.
Sirius really did make a good kestrel, though.