What happens in Super Smash Bros. Stays in Super Smash Bros.
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros. If I did, it would probably suck…
Warning: contains swearing.
You have been warned
Super Smash Brothers:
The universe where gaming's most famous characters meet up to beat the fuck out of each other.
Mario the Italian plumber. Link the hero of time? Wind? What hero is he? There are like a thousand Links. Anyways, we have Pikachu everybody's favorite Pokémon. Kirby the-
"Everybody-a-knows who we are. Just-a-get on with the story!"
Don't break the fourth wall without my permission, Mario!
Recently two smashers joined the battle. They are Bayonetta, a witch who hunts angels and Corrin, a gender-bending human that is also part dragon. (I'm having some déjà-vu, here.) These two don't know what awaits them in this really messed up world.
"I'm so glad you joined super smash bros, Corrin," said Lucina happily. She was walking next to Corrin, a young and beautiful woman with long light gray hair. The two girls were heading to the cafeteria for lunch.
The cafeteria was full of smashers. They were either eating or gossiping or both. Mario and Luigi were in charge of cooking. R.O.B. and Mr Game & Watch were in charge of the cafeteria, they made sure that there weren't any problems. Those two really sucked at their job. And finally, Ike, Kirby and King Dedede had to clean the cafeteria due to some unfortunate events.
Back to the fighters, they always made a lot of noise. And by a lot, I mean a lot. The cafeteria was never quiet. Everyday there would be a problem or something. There was a lot of drama at the girls and swordsmen tables. The kids table was always messy and so was the villains table. The other tables were really loud. The only normal table was the "Normal" table.
"That's my table," explained Lucina while pointing towards a huge round table. The table was surrounded by swordsmen. The Ylissean presented everyone to her new friend. She then asked Link if Corrin could join the swordsmen table.
"She meets all the necessary criteria, so she's welcome to join," said Link. Pit looked at the Hylean with a confused face. Link proceeded to glare at the angel. The other swordsmen stared in amusement.
"Link, what are these 'criteria'? When I joined you asked me some weird questions," asked Cloud. The other blond just stared at him.
"If he told you, you'd be traumatized for life," answered a very serious voice.
"What is that supposed to mean?" replied Link.
"You know exactly what it means, idiot! It means-"
"Blah blah blah. I can't hear you, Martha!" mocked Link while putting his fingers in his ears like a little kid.
"I told you not call me that, you dumbass!" yelled a very pissed of Marth. He was about to cut the blond with his sword but a redhead stopped him.
"Calm down, Marth. He's just being an idiot," said Roy. The prince of Altea glared at him and put his sword away. He spent the whole lunch glaring at the short blond man.
Lucina reassured Corrin by explaining her that Link and Marth always bickered at lunch and at pretty much any other time. The two women went to the counter and got some sandwiches to eat. They spent their lunch talking about their hobbies and families.
Meanwhile at the girls table, Peach was introducing Bayonetta to everyone. The princess always got excited when someone joined Super Smash Bros. She told the witch everything she needed to know to survive the weirdness of the cafeteria. Zelda asked the older woman what she did. The latter said that she hunted angels. Only Samus seemed to understand what that actually meant. Rosalina asked the raven haired woman if she was interested in any guys.
"I am interested in those two angels," replied Bayonetta. She pointed towards Pit and Dark Pit. Rosalina and Zelda squealed. Samus laughed really hard. Everyone stared at her.
"Of course! You hunt angels. Now I see why you're interested in them," exclaimed Peach who was feeling really smart. The blonde bounty hunter kept laughing.
"I don't recommend them. Pit's an idiot and Dark Pit's an asshole," explained Viridi. And poor Samus was running out of breathe. The witch told the goddess that she didn't care about that.
"Samus, you've been laughing for quite a while now. What is so funny?" asked Palutena. The metroid hunter laughed even harder.
"You all think that Bayonetta has a crush on Pit and Dark Pit!" giggled Samus. The other girls looked really confused.
"She did say that she hunted angels," replied the goddess of light looking twice as confuse as before.
"She HUNTS as in she kills angels, you idiots," yelled the younger woman. She yelled so loud that everyone in the cafeteria stopped doing what they were doing and stared at the two angels.
"She-she's g-gonna kill us, Pitoo," shrieked Pit who was clinging onto the fallen angel.
"I t-told you not t-to c-call me th-that," yelled the other angel who was just as scared as Pit. The two angels were shaking and after thirty seconds they ran out of the cafeteria. Samus and Bayonetta ran after them.
Everyone just stood there not knowing what to do. A few seconds later, two loud screams where heard. The cafeteria turned into complete chaos. Food was flying everywhere, sporks were being swung around and Jigglypuff was eating cupcakes. Ike, Kirby and King Dedede were eating all the good food they could find. The kids were screaming and running around. The swordsmen decided to sit under the table. The girls were looking for shelter from the food and sporks. R.O.B. and Mr Game & Watch were nowhere to be seen.
It didn't take long for Master Hand and Crazy Hand to arrive. Crazy Hand forced all of the smashers out of the cafeteria. Master Hand gave them a long and boring lecture about wasting food and sporks. After the lecture most of the fighters went to their rooms or somewhere else.
"I'm sorry your first day was really… weird," Lucina apologized. Corrin reassured her friend that it was alright and that she had really enjoyed the weirdness of the other smashers. The Nohr princess said that she was looking forward to living with them. The Ylissean princess proceeded to show the other princess around.
"Man, beating up Pit and Dark Pit was fun," said Samus sadistically.
"I really enjoyed it," exclaimed Bayonetta with a sadistic smile. The two women were heading to the dormitory when they heard a loud scream coming from the hallway. The two sadists ran towards the hall. There they saw Princess Peach lying on the ground with Rosalina crying next to her.
"Rosalina, who did this to her?" asked the blonde bounty hunter with concern.
"I don't know. I just walked in here and Peach was lying on the floor," cried the Princess.
"It stinks in here. Smells like… garlic," remarked the witch with a disgusted face.
"That son of a bitch is so dead," growled Samus.
She ran out of the hall and headed towards the kitchen. The blonde took out her gun and snuck into kitchen. An unsuspecting Wario was preparing some garlic soup before being attacked by the crazy woman. Samus kicked Wario in the head forcing him to spill his soup on the floor. She then proceeded to punching the poor man in the face twenty times. The Italian was too confused to fight back. After getting the living crap beat out of him, he was forced to apologize to princess Peach, Rosalina, the original 12, Master Hand and Crazy Hand.
Bayonetta and Samus were going back to their dorms when they noticed it was snowing outside.
"Maybe we can have a snowball fight tomorrow," said the witch.
"I'm not losing to anyone," responded the bounty hunter.
The two women continued to walk towards their rooms.
To be continued…
a/n: I suck at writing first chapters T.T I promise it'll get better and funnier. By the way, these are my takes on the characters so that's why they don't match the canon. I believe that being with all those random characters can change personalities so nice people can turn into assholes, emotionless characters can become emotional, I think you get the point ^.^