In My Arms

AN: Just a short one shot that I wrote in between an update to my on going Grey's fic. It's angsty and not canon, though positioned somewhere around the very end of Season 3, although I was super selective with the relevant context. All Doccubus. :-) Thanks for reading and for tolerating my first venture into Lost Girl ff – love the show! My apologies for any typos/errors, I'm a little tired so my proofread could have been dodgy.

It was only when her knuckles rapped heavily against the wooden frame that she felt the doubt settle in her stomach. She had driven to Lauren's apartment on instinct; body aching and blood slowly easing to a dribble, drying on her usually smooth skin. It was nothing compared to the images that were haunting her and the fear that had elicited a relentless violence.

For her; protecting, her.

She wasn't sure she had ever seen Lauren physically run from anyone or anything; she was stronger than any of them ever gave her credit for. She was incredibly resilient; persistent even. But she had run that day; rolled, half dressed and battered from underneath some worthless Dark Fae. And she had run, gasping and coughing as she stumbled out of Bo's distracted grasp. Torn between tearing the perpetrator to shreds and enveloping Lauren in safety.

The blonde took the subconscious decision out of her hands.

And Dyson's, swinging a closed fist to his abdomen and glaring at him with piercing eyes that dared him to keep hold of her. He had held his hands up in surrender and then she was gone.

More than an hour had passed since and Darkness had been delivered to The Ash; he could do what he needed to do. Technically, it was his human who had been pursued.

Technically.

Technically didn't work that well for Bo; and she had told Hale as much. A picture of a wounded soldier, tears brimming in her eyes, she had stated that Lauren was released from his needs for the week. She didn't give him room to argue and he didn't. Strangely; perhaps he was more empathetic than she gave him credit for.

Unlikely.

She had threatened to choose Dark and no one wanted Bo on the opposing side. No one.

She had driven directly to Lauren's after that, with a steely determination and a deathly grip on the weathered steering wheel. But standing outside of her closed door, silence on the other side, her hands trembled and she had to swallow the heavy lump in her throat.

There was no answer; no movement.

She knocked again, louder this time and she thought she heard the sound of glass scraping. A tumbler of water on the coffee table, maybe. "It's just me," she stated, forehead almost leaning against the door, eyes downcast. "Lauren?"

It finally opened, just a scuff of the metal latch before Lauren slowly drew it open.

They stared at each other equally, concerned eyes drifting head to toe, sizing up injuries and priorities.

Bo's thought processes were slow and stunted, her first observation was that Lauren was wearing socks and that's why she didn't hear her approach the door. No rubber soled sensible shoes or the characteristic sound of heels tapping.

It didn't make any sense, that she focussed on Lauren's sock clad feet rather than the deep red marks around her neck and the open wound to her cheek.

Bo exhaled and her wide eyes met Lauren's. "Shit," she murmured huskily.

"You need healing," Lauren countered after a moment's silence, stepping aside and grazing her own unsteady hand down Bo's arm.

"What?" Bo asked, shaking her head as her eyebrows narrowed in confusion. "No, I'm fine. I'm fine, I came for you." She wasn't really fine, but there was nothing life threatening. She just looked like something out of a horror movie.

Their lives were something out of a horror movie.

Lauren cupped her mouth and bowed her head, taking a few steps back. "I was just about to take a bath."

Nodding, Bo closed the door behind her and she secured the lock. It clicked into place heavily and seemed such a foreign sound; with the world they were in, they seldom worried about such frivolity. Reaching a hand out to rest lightly on Lauren's shoulder, Bo licked her lips and the metallic taste of stale blood filled her mouth. "Are you hurt?" she asked quietly, feeling as if she was treading on such unfamiliar territory. How did they all so calmly attend to her own injuries; observe the fights, the battles? She would rather face a thousand adversaries then experience this helplessness.

A tiny smile tugged at the edge of Lauren's mouth and it felt like home to Bo. "You seen a mirror, Bo?"

Involuntarily, tears filled her dark eyes and Bo tilted her head to the side. "Are you hurt?" she repeated and her voice was slightly louder and more desperate.

Lauren shrugged and reached a hand out; she didn't wait for Bo to take it. She wrapped her fingers around her wrist and tugged, leading them up the stairs to the spacious bathroom. "I'm okay," she whispered unconvincingly as they walked. "Let me clean you up," she prompted, when they stilled in the middle of the bathroom. "This wasn't your fault, you know."

Bo laughed; not a humourous, energetic laugh but an exasperated disbelieving snigger. "I delivered him to Hale," she murmured, knowing she wasn't helping her side of the stilted communication they were having. "Alive."

Lauren's fingers paused fleetingly before unzipping Bo's top, straps falling over her shoulders. "There would have been repercussions if you hadn't; protocols stipulate…"

"I know."

"Dyson, okay?"

Bo scowled. "Fine, Trick's calming him down."

"I couldn't stay," she whispered, peeling the material of Bo's shirt away from a wound on her abdomen.

Bo shook her head, they seemed to be playing a game of who feels more guilty; how could Lauren possibly compete. "Did you come straight home?" she asked, tolerating Lauren's probing fingers, exploring her broken skin and prodding at the bruising.

Lauren shook her head slowly, undoing the top button on Bo's pants and pushing the material at her hips. She grimaced at the effort and Bo took over, stepping out of them so she stood in just a pair of simple black nylon hipsters. "I'm not sure…the mind tends to compensate in times of trauma…"

Observing silently, Bo waited as Lauren wet a washcloth in the water and slowly wiped at her skin. She shadowed Lauren's hands where they worked, comforted by the familiarity and confidence.

"Just scrapes and bruising," Lauren said eventually.

Bo nodded. "I know; I'm good." She took the stained cloth from Lauren's hands and squeezed her fingers. "Do you mind?" she asked softly, poised to unbutton Lauren's white collared shirt. The blood stains made her stomach roll at every glance.

Indicating her permission, Lauren stilled, blond hair falling across her face and eyelids closing. Bo undressed her; painfully slow as she grazed each inch of marked skin with featherlike softness.

Until she stood bare.

They stared intently into each other's eyes, silent. Bo watched Lauren clench her jaw muscles, so determined at maintaining an unnecessary resolve. Holding an open palm to her face, Bo stroked her thumb across Lauren's cheekbone and she leant into the touch, eyes closed.

Bo spoke quietly, pitch stilted with emotion. "You're okay," she reassured, like she had once before. She was resolute that Lauren wouldn't walk away from her this time; send her away, really. Dull brown eyes looked sadly back at her, and the quietness was heartbreaking. She leant in and pressed her lips to Lauren's, softly and almost platonically had they not shared such a history. She felt the rush inside of her, but it didn't change the lightness to her caress; careful and tender.

Lauren kissed her back, until she exhaled a shaky breath and pressed her face into the nape of Bo's neck. Her spine curved and she was heavy as Bo tangled her fingers through the messy blonde hair and danced the pads of her fingers between her shoulder blades. She murmured soothing sounds, nothing of particular importance or substance; just soft humming noises and single words.

"Your bath will be getting cold," she said, after a few long minutes and felt a nod against her neck. With a brush of kisses along Bo's jaw, Lauren stepped back, complexion blotchy and stained. "I'll sit right here," Bo reassured, waving to the tiles next to the high sided white porcelain. She pushed gently to the small of Lauren's back, two large scratches starting under her fingertips and winding jaggedly around her hip. She offered an attempt at a smile as she held Lauren's hand and guided her in, looking back up when Lauren pulled at her.

"Please join me?" she asked, almost formally.

Bo's second smile was more genuine, only just feeling the tug of pain down from her temple; the bastard had almost dislocated her jaw. She nodded and said, "I'll take the back."

Shaking her head, Lauren shifted in the water as it lapped at her knees. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Already healing," Bo insisted, rubbing Lauren's arm as she lowered herself in, underwear discarded across the room, "and besides, the feeling's mutual, Hun." Lauren crouched and leant back against Bo, overworked stomach muscles struggling to keep her body weight light. "You're killing me with niceties here, Lauren," Bo encouraged, an open palm on each of Lauren's shoulders and guiding her back. She applied gentle pressure until she felt Lauren relax into her with a long exhalation and her head dropped back into Bo's sternum. "Much better," she whispered, pressing a kiss to the long strands of blonde hair tucked behind her ear.

Bo lingered, her hands sliding down Lauren's until she could entwine their fingers, breathing in the familiar smell of Lauren's shampoo. It infiltrated her senses with comfort and familiarity; long nights spent devouring each other's bodies and tight hugs; slow, drawn out kisses.

All the good parts and none of the bad.

"It scares me," Bo murmured, "when I see you hurt; being hurt. We've got to get you some self defence training."

Lauren scoffed in her arms, bouncing slightly as water lapped over their chest spreading bubbles to their shoulders. "Not a lot of use against anything Fae," she pointed out in reply, logically of course though there was regret in her voice. She knew there were times that her intellect and her knowledge was the very thing that helped them; saved them. But with a hand around her neck and powers in her senses, she was defenceless; unapologetically human.

"I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry, Bo."

"I didn't protect you, and I protect the people I love."

"You and I both know, that it's not that simple. I'm not your job, to protect."

And the words stung Bo, though she wasn't sure why. Lauren wasn't her human, and owning people like property, wasn't something she was interested in. And she cognitively knew the limits; she couldn't be around constantly, armed and ready. That wasn't how life worked. She didn't have to like it, but living in the Fae world, meant Lauren was going to get hurt. And Kenzi too, despite the bravado and adaptability; she was just as vulnerable as Lauren. More so perhaps, with her limitless confidence where Lauren hesitated, and questioned herself. "I didn't mean it like that," she whispered eventually.

"Yeah, I know," Lauren conceded, and her head lolled to the side so her ear pressed against Bo's chest; she closed her eyes.

"You push people away," Bo gamely sighed, squeezing Lauren's fingers as she spoke. "It's like you don't want me to love you."

"It's the opposite actually."

Bo stilled, lips pursed to the top of Lauren's head. "You want me to?"

Nodding, Lauren cleared her throat, trying to maintain composure. "But only me…just me. And I know that you can't, and I'm crazy but I don't know how to be okay with that. So I push, you're right."

They had tried, and tried hard but it hadn't worked. Bo couldn't sustain herself on Lauren alone; it just wasn't enough. She was enough, in so many ways except one.

"You don't have to say anything," Lauren rushed to compensate and she couldn't tell, but there was a tear trickling down Bo's cheek.

Swallowing twice, Bo cast her eyes to the ceiling. "I wish I could explain," she muttered, "but it's just like everything else in my life; it doesn't make sense to anyone else. My world never has, even before I was in this one." She squeezed her eyes shut, but it only made more tears escape. "I don't know how to explain to you that I would give it all up, for you; if I could. If I could be human, with you…because I don't want to survive on anyone but you. God, it's all I freakin' want but my biology doesn't let me…"

"I know Bo, and I know that it's not your fault. I'm not blaming you."

"But I am," Bo exclaimed in frustration. "Because I'm the reason we skate this line, back and forth, Lauren. It is my fault; and I'm full of all these feelings that completely overtake me when you're hurt and upset and I feel like I can't do anything with them. Because…because we're us; we're just a bundle of messed up, blurry lines."

"Bo…"

"No, don't placate me, okay. We shouldn't be having this conversation right now."

Lauren shifted, turned her body between Bo's legs and placing both open palms up Bo's neck and face. It should have felt uncomfortable, their intimately naked bodies tangled and pressed against each other; but it didn't. The concept barely crossed either of their minds. "I want you to take care of me tonight," Lauren said quietly, and her fingernails dug into the sides of Bo's neck.

"What?"

"I do need you."

"And tomorrow?" Because it hurt Bo too, even though she never spoke a word of it. But the ache inside of her grew a little more with each moment of hope and the crash to earth that followed.

"Please?" Lauren pleaded and for the first time she saw herself as more powerful than Bo; she was the one that controlled their relationship. She made the decisions; she made the terms and not once, had Bo ever called her on it. "We'll talk about tomorrow, I promise." It scared her, the way Bo was talking, like she could up and walk out the door at any moment. Exactly the way that she had.

"Tell me what you need," Bo prompted, though perhaps at some point, she would tell Lauren what she needed too. It was complex, even in her mind, because she needed to be close to her; needed to be the one that Lauren wanted to be with; whether she wanted to celebrate or dissolve.

It didn't matter really; Bo was always better with messages than words. Words had always let her down.

"Shit, I don't know Bo, I don't know what I'm doing." Lauren's voice was trembling and she pressed to the bridge of her nose, just like she did when she was trying to solve some complicated chemical equation. "I know I'm upsetting you," she continued, strained, "and I don't know what we should do."

Bo sighed. "It's been a crap day, really crap. I think we can be upset together."

And that was different for Bo; she wasn't rushing to flood herself with a façade of strength and conviction, she was accepting their vulnerability; their shared helplessness. Although not particularly consciously, the openness settled over Lauren and it felt new. She nodded slowly, and Bo's fingertips rhythmically soothed up and down her spine.

"You know," Bo said after a few minutes, not entirely comfortable with an unending silence, "I don't know what he would have done if we didn't get there when we did."

Lauren grimaced. "I'm not sure either; if he wanted my life or to just see me suffer."

"I'm sorry it took me so long."

"I was worried you didn't get my message; I mean, when I saw you come through the doors, I thought maybe I was hallucinating. He was strangling me and I couldn't breathe properly, I just figured I was imagining you and that was going to be it for me."

Bo shook her head, hands stopping to tighten her hold. "It seemed to take so long to get to you, we got stuck at freakin' road works and I pulled up on a sidewalk and then we ran. Everything that could get in our way, did. You did amazing to make the call…"

Laughing nonchalantly, Lauren tilted her head up, cushioned in the curve of Bo's muscular shoulder. She rested an open palm around Bo's side. "When he grabbed me outside the compound, he locked me in the trunk of a car. He was smart enough to take my bag but my phone was in my pocket."

"Well, I'm pretty grateful for that…" Bo whispered, and images flooded her vision. It made her nauseous, the scenes flashing in her mind; Lauren being dragged, fighting, towards a car. She would have been panicking but trying to think, to strategise. Bo hesitated to pry further, it was as if she wanted to know but she didn't; needed to know so that she could hold Lauren's fears and hurt. But she wanted to avoid too, because this was the downside of love and attachment; all the things she had been forced to go without. Perhaps, in a moment of clarity and honesty, she would admit, it was a side effect she missed when this feeling settled in her gut. "If you want to talk about it…" she offered slowly.

"No," Lauren murmured, and her fingers splayed a little wider and pressed more firmly to Bo's side.

"Okay."

Releasing a slow, lengthy breath, Lauren pursed her lips and kissed the centre of Bo's sternum. She lingered there, breathing through her nose; she could feel Bo starting to trail her fingertips over her skin, up her arms and down her stomach; over her hips and the outside of her thighs. "The most important thing," she said eventually, voice muffled, "is that we're both okay."

"And we're both okay," Bo confirmed.

"Yeah," Lauren drew out, "we are." She took a number of slow breaths, voice thick with emotion when she said, "I'm so tired. I just want to sleep tonight."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Bo's mouth and she ducked her face into Lauren's hair, breath warm on her ear. "In my arms, right?"

Fin