Happier
The sun was setting, painting the sky a soft, pastel rainbow and casting a golden light over the city of Magnolia. This was something that would usually have made Lisanna Strauss smile. Not today. Not for a long time really. She buried her fists in her jacket, protecting them from the brisk autumn wind. She was walking 29th and park, performing a nightly ritual she'd had for about a month now… going out to a bar and refusing to go home until she was so drunk that she could forget her troubles for a while. Though it would've been cheaper for her to go drink at Fairy Tail, she'd been going to a different bar lately. It was safer. She ran less risk of running into… him. Cherry Blossom pink hair flashed in her memory along with a soft, fanged smile. Lisanna shook herself as if she was trying to shake those memories of him out of her mind. Like that was even possible, they were always racing through her head, interrupting her at the worst possible times. She knew she was almost there. Lisanna lifted her head. That's when she saw… them.
Natsu Dragneel and Lucy Heartfilia. Lucy had her arms wrapped around Natsu, hugging his neck tightly as he carried her on his back. Lisanna froze as her heart plummeted to her feet. For a brief second, it occurred to her that she was completely out in the open. They could easily see her. However, she was completely immobilized by her shock. This was the first time she had seen Natsu in a month. Ever since that night. The night he'd broken up with her. She'd been avoiding the guild and his favorite places so she wouldn't have to see him. She'd known it would hurt to see the man who broke her heart again, but she'd never expected that it would hurt this much. Then again, she had never expected to see Natsu, after only a month of them being apart, with another girl. The worst part was that he looked happier with Lucy.
Now they were walking into the bar. She shouldn't have worried about them noticing her. The two of them were too wrapped up in each other to even glance up to see her. Natsu was saying something to Lucy. Lisanna was too far away to hear what he said, but whatever it was made Lucy throw her head back laughing. Natsu looking at her with a large grin on his face. Lucy was smiling back. Of course, she was. Lisanna knew from personal experience how funny Natsu was. She could remember him making her laugh a million times when they were together and long before then. Natsu could always make her laugh, ever since they were children. But watching him with Lucy was different. Their smiles were twice as wide as Lisanna and Natsu's had been back when they were together.
Lisanna knew it. She knew they looked so much happier than she and Natsu ever had during the brief time that they had been together after she'd returned from the "dead". She had always secretly suspected that he'd only been with her cause everyone else had expected them to get together. He'd agreed somewhat halfheartedly when she'd asked him out. What had followed had been six months of arguing and stress. But still, there had been good times. At least that was what she'd thought. She'd loved Natsu since she was a child. No one would ever love him the way she would. But even that love hadn't been enough to save them. And that was what hurt her so much. She couldn't take it personally that he was moving on with someone new, or even that the someone was Lucy. She looked through the window at the two of them sitting at the bar. Natsu leaned in to kiss Lucy on the cheek. She blushed scarlet, making Natsu laugh. She smacked him on the back of the head. No, it wasn't his moving on that hurt. It was that she wasn't going to be the one smiling with him and laughing.
She crossed the street to find another bar. Without thinking she walked into the first one she found and sat down in the corner of the room, ordering a bottle of vodka and a glass. Then she actually looked around. This was a small Chinese themed bar. Lisanna found herself surrounded by dragons. There were small dragon statues. Tapestries and posters of magnificent dragons with curling tails spewing fire from their mouths. Everywhere Lisanna looked there was red and gold. Perfect. Everything was reminding her of Natsu. The vodka came. She threw back shot after shot. The alcohol burned her throat, but the pain was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. She just drank, trying not to think about the way Natsu's eyes had lit up with Lucy. That his eyes had never lit up like that for her. Before she knew it she was sitting there staring at an empty bottle. She was drunk. She knew full well that she was drunk because she wanted to go back to that bar and try to talk to them. But she wouldn't. She couldn't. All she could do was keep telling herself that no matter how she felt, he was happier with Lucy. He would be happier with Lucy.
It hurt. It hurt so damn bad. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She loved Natsu. She loved him so damn much it hurt. And it had hurt. It had hurt their relationship. It had hurt him by trapping him in a relationship he hadn't wanted for six months when he could have been with someone else. Someone else who deserved him. Someone else like Lucy. She knew that Lucy was a good person. She was one of the best people in Fairy Tail. In the world according to Natsu. Lucy deserved Natsu's love. But Lisanna couldn't help it, she was still in love with Natsu.
She had to stop. She had to find a way to stop loving Natsu Dragneel. Everyone was always telling her that she would be able to move on from this someday. Mirajane wouldn't stop trying to set her up with other guys. And Elfman kept going on about how she deserved someone MANLY! She always just ended up smiling through it. She was doing that so much lately. Smiling when she didn't mean to. Struggling to hide the truth behind her unspoken lies. Since when had she become such a liar? Lisanna groaned. She was getting a headache from all this. Lisanna put some money down on the table and walked out into the brisk fall air.
No matter how much she tried to pretend that she was fine, it wasn't true. She was still in love with Natsu. And he was with Lucy now. They were happy together. He was happier with Lucy than he had ever been with her. Lisanna had known this would happen someday. That he would fall for someone new. And she knew that she should do the same. But she couldn't. So, for now, she would wait. Wait until she found some way to happier. Until then she would hope against hope that Natsu would have his heart broken. That they would break up someday like so many other couples. And if that happened she would be there. Waiting for him. For her chance to be happier.