"This will only hurt worse if you squirm, Stan." Cartman says calmly as he stands by the microwave, waiting for the wax to finish heating. The four boys were gathered in Cartman's kitchen, a typical occurrence, the only difference being that they had been planning on torturing each other with horribly mixed alcoholic concoctions and embarrassing childhood stories. Somehow they'd gotten sidetracked after discussing grooming habits, and so here they were, holding Stan down so they could return him to a childlike state of hairlessness. Cartman hadn't wanted the guys to come over. He'd wanted a quiet night at home to drink his mom's wine and rewatch the Rocky Horror Picture Show. But, they were there, so he might as well try to make the best of it.
He especially hadn't wanted to Kyle over, because they'd broken up a few days ago and this was like rubbing salt in an open wound. Of course much like Stan and Wendy when they were kids, Cartman and Kyle broke up all the time. Still, Cartman usually took it a little harder each time.
He watches with mild jealousy as Kyle straddles Stan's hips backwards so he'll be able to watch the show but keep his super best friend from getting up. Kenny is chuckling and saying somewhat sympathetic words to the cursing teen as he hold his arms up over his head so he doesn't try to strangle Kyle in his attempt to escape. The microwave dings and Kyle claps happily as Cartman retrieves the wax and starts stirring it with the applicator stick.
"Fuck you guys, I need new friends." Stan says as Cartman joins them on the kitchen floor, sitting on his knees and preparing to spread the wax on Stan's calves.
"Don't be such a pussy, Stan." Kenny laughs. Stan hisses when the wax touches his skin, but is otherwise fairly calm as it's spread over a small stretch of skin. Cartman can't help but smile a little as he puts the waxing strip down.
"Ready?" he asks. Stan starts to answer but Cartman doesn't wait to hear it, ripping away the strip and taking with it a layer of hair, possibly flesh, and Stan's dignity. To be fair, it was Stan's idea to have this sleepover.
Kenny lets Stan's arms go in favor of clutching his own stomach as he laughs, and Stan successfully pushes Kyle off and examines his skin.
"Dude, look, you have like, baby soft skin underneath all that hair." Kyle says, rubbing the hairless spot while still wiping away tears of laughter.
"Whatever, that fucking hurt. I'm not letting you guys do that to me again." Stan pouts, crossing his arms. Cartman smirks but he does put away the waxing kit, much to Stan's relief.
"Now what?" Kyle asks, looking up at Cartman from his spot on the floor. Cartman shrugs. He knows he's being too quiet and he figures the others will pick up on it soon enough, but he can't be bothered to care at the moment because he just realized that Kyle's still wearing Cartman's class ring and that makes his heart stutter a bit in his chest. Stan has seemingly already forgotten the waxing incident, as he's raiding the fridge for something to eat until the chinese food they ordered arrives.
"Is this sugar cookie dough?" he asks, pulling out the yellow dough in plastic wrap. "Fuck, let's make cookies." he says, grabbing his glass of whiskey and coke off the counter top and taking a drink. Already on board, Kenny stumbles to his feet and searches the cabinets for some flour to set down. Cartman doesn't immediately notice Kyle sliding up to stand next to him until he bumps his hips and smiles, his face a little red from the head rush and alcohol.
"You okay?" he asks, wielding his eyelashes like a fucking weapon. Cartman watches them sweep across his cheeks as he blinks and swallows a little hard.
"Just tired," he lies. It's kind of not fair, really, that Kyle still cares about how he feels, especially when his exact words a few days ago were, 'I fucking hate you, I never want to see you again.' They were both pretty good liars, in that respect.
"Relax, it's Saturday, you're too uptight." says Mr. Uptight himself. It was clear he'd already had more than he probably should have to drink. Cartman couldn't really say anything, because he'd had a little more than originally planned already, too. Kyle puts his hands on Cartman's face and starts squishing his cheeks, and Cartman uses all his energy not to push Kyle off of him and back onto the floor. "Have another drink." He pauses in his face squishing long enough to hand Cartman the bottle of vodka. Cartman takes a swig and sets the bottle down again. His head is already fuzzy enough, in his opinion, no need to get plastered.
"Are you two gonna just stand there or are you gonna help?" Stan's arms are crossed and he has his hip cocked like he's an angry housewife, wearing one of Cartman's old aprons. Kenny is dangerously waving around a rolling pin and making lightsaber noises beside him.
"Just make the cookies already, I'm hungry." Kyle says, waving dismissively. The two nod and go ahead with the cookies, and Cartman decides that they're distracted enough that he can ask about the ring. In the back of his mind he's aware it's a bad idea, but being slightly buzzed he has a bit of confidence that he can steer the conversation in the direction he wants it to go in.
"So, you're still wearing my ring." he begins, pointing to Kyle's hand.
"What?" Kyle looks down at his left hand, then his right and spots the ring in question. "Yeah." he doesn't look up, just continues to admire the pretty colors of the ring.
"Why are you still wearing it?"
"Oh." Kyle looks up then, a little sadly. "Do you want it back?" he says it hesitantly, like he doesn't really want to give it back.
"No, I mean," Cartman bites his lip. "I mean, I'm sorry about the other day."
"Cartman, I don't really want to talk about this right now, it's not the best time." Despite his words, he takes a drink of the vodka and simpers. "I guess it was just as much my fault as it was yours."
"Yeah," Cartman agrees, which earns him a light punch to the shoulder.
They're silent for a moment, looking into each other's glassy eyes, and then Kyle says, "I'm sorry, too," and Cartman feels a weight lift off of his chest. He wraps his arms around Kyle's waist and nuzzles into his neck, placing a few light kisses. Stan shoves them out of the way so he can put the cookies in the oven, and like that the moment is kind of ruined.
"The Chinese guy is here!" Kenny says, looking out the living room window, and so he and Stan go to greet him, leaving Cartman and Kyle alone in the kitchen with a bit too much alcohol.
"Shots?"
"Shots."
Four shots of tequila later, Stan and Kenny are going upstairs to watch Terrance and Phillip reruns and telling them to watch the cookies, which gives them at least 20 minutes alone, right? Either way, Cartman has Kyle pinned against the counter in no time, biting his neck and rocking against his hips roughly.
"Cartman, please." Kyle moans, wrapping his legs around Cartman's hips and digging in his heels. Kyle always got overly desperate for affection while drunk, and tonight appeared to be no exception. He leaves kisses everywhere he can reach and licks the shell of Cartman's ear, purposely moaning to get a reaction.
"Don't be such a slut," Cartman teases, unbuttoning Kyle's jeans and sliding the zipper down.
"Want you to fuck me, though." Kyle answers. "Bend me over the table and-"
"Don't have to tell me twice," Cartman assures him. Later, they can't even pretend to care about the cookies burning.
Cartman wakes up on his bed, Kyle cuddled up next to him, sound asleep and remembers passing out a few hours ago. He feels a chill and looks over to see his window open and Kenny sitting next to it, joint half gone and Stan dozing off with his head in Kenny's lap.
"You two back together?" Kenny asks, and Cartman isn't really sure, but he nods anyway. Kenny smiles and gets a sort of far away look in his eyes, like maybe he's remembering all the nights Cartman spent whining about how much he loved Kyle and how Kyle would never feel the same.
"What's that?" Stan asks sleepily.
"Nothin' kid." Kenny says, motioning for Cartman to toss him a pillow. Cartman does and Kenny slides himself out from under Stan and sets the pillow in his place, which Stan nuzzles gratefully. "Wanna head outside?"
Cartman shrugs but they do go out, walking around the block in just their thin jackets. It's probably around three and he knows he shouldn't, but Cartman takes a hit and exhales slowly, watching the smoke dissipate in the cold air. "What are you gonna do when he leaves for Stanford this fall?" Kenny asks, and then reality hits Cartman like a brick.
"I don't know," he replies, honest for once. "I don't wanna think about it."
"You have to face it, Cartman. He's trying to make something of himself." From someone else the words would sound harsh, but Kenny's just being blunt, which is something Cartman likes about him. "You might be able to get into a school in Denver, but..." he trails off.
"That's why we broke up." he admits. "Kyle doesn't think long distance is practical."
"He is the smart one." Kenny nods, putting out his joint on his hand and shoving it in his pocket.
"Jesus, doesn't that fucking hurt?" Cartman asks, not really alarmed. Kenny does weird self destroying shit like that all the time. It used to scare Cartman until he tried something like it freshmen year, something to help him cope. The stupid scars still linger, but Kenny's skin is clear as ever, no cuts or bruises or anything. Nothing on Kenny is permanent.
Kenny doesn't answer, just suggests they head back to Cartman's. They decide to stay up and play cards, and at five they make pancakes that are cold by the time Stan and Kyle get up at eleven. Stan doesn't move from the couch once he gets downstairs, insisting the blinds stay shut and no one talks, while Kyle just wants to sit in Cartman's lap and play with his hair.
"I've got to go home and take my sugar." he says around noon. "I'll come over tonight though, okay?"
"Of course you will, can't resist my hot bod for too long, can you?" Cartman waggles his eyebrows.
"Oh shut up," Kyle kisses him on the forehead and says goodbye to Kenny and Stan, the latter of which groans pitifully in response. Kyle intentionally shuts the door as softly as possible on his way out.
"I wouldn't worry too much, man." Kenny comments, "I think he's just as crazy about you as you are for him."
When everyone's left and Cartman's cleaned the house for his mother's return, he heads upstairs to fall asleep until Kyle comes over again. He tells himself he's okay when he sees his class ring on his nightstand.
A.N.: "what the fuck, mary?" i can hear you guys saying. "what's with all the fuckin' angst?" im not sorry. im a miserable and bitter person who just loves torturing these guys. xx review if you feel so inclined~ title comes from 'therapy' by all time low