Nieve

by Delita-chan

Van, now 20 years old and working part time at an ice cream parlor, is constantly being persisted by a love-crazed Nikki. Can Van give his admirer the slip before he ruins his chances with the girl he loves? This is NOT a yaoi fic. *CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILER

Nieve

Setting: This takes place later when Van is 20 years old.

Characters:

I know this is lame-assed but there are some originals in here so I'll mention them.

Van:  (20 years old). A now good-looking student at the Termina Art Academy, works at part time at the Ice Cream Parlor.

Nikki: (25 yrs). A now has been rock star who only performs at children's events.

Dragen: (20 yrs old) Van's best friend in the academy who strives to be first place.

Symelar: (18 yrs old). Van's naïve cousin from another city, who's visiting for a while.

Marcella: (16 yrs. Old). Acacia Deva who is now more mature and much more beautiful.

Mel: (17 yrs. Old). Marcy's best friend as well as Van's. She's also an art student with Van and Dragen.

Copyright notice:  Van, Marcella, Nikki and Mel are all property of Squaresoft.  Symelar is property of SnugglyBooBoo.  Dragen is property of me, Delita_chan.

Note: THIS FIC HAS A MAJOR SPOILER SO DON'T COMPLAIN IF IT RUINS THE GAME FOR YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I also wrote this fic to relieve stress from final exams (that was a very difficult period).

Happy reading! J

Van Kakovka closed the lid on the chocolate ice cream and wiped his forehead.  It was a busy day at his part-time job, the Termina Ice Cream Parlor.  Saturdays were always packed with people stopping by to cool off from the cruel summer's heat and today was no exception.

He'd chosen the job here to support his education at the Termina Art Academy, which always produced the best painters in the world. It was a dream for him to follow in his father's footsteps, to be just like the famous Master Gogh Kakovka, who was always so reluctant to sell his works but eventually did.

Still, he wished he could have gone out with his friends instead of sit here and manage the parlor by himself.

Three girls walked by and waved at him, smiling and giggling with each other. Van smiled back and waved, although the girls were unfamiliar to him.  The girls walked on, satisfied with the small attention they received from him.  Van didn't think much of it—he was used to this kind of thing happening every so often.  It took him a while to realize that he had grown out of being a snobby child into a fine, handsome young man.  He'd grown his hair long enough to make a small neat ponytail with a few strands loose on the sides of his face.  He'd even gone far enough to change his hair color from violet to dark brown, which in his opinion, made him look older. Yes, he knew he was somewhat of a good looking guy.

But there were serious drawbacks to being a looker. Van knew that there was, as he looked around nervously.  He'd been so paranoid lately, ever since "that person" started showing up like Chihuahua dog, snapping at his heels for even the littlest bit of a attention tossed at him.  The looney that came in the parlor every 15 minutes to try and pick him up for a date. That fruitcake which was…

Walking in the parlor.

Dressed in tight leather pants and an open leather vest with feathered boas around his shoulders, Nikki stopped at the counter, placed his elbow on it and stared intently at Van.  Van cringed and turned away.

"Oh, my my, that's not very polite of you, honey-child. Turn around and face me," Nikki said, with such a voice that made Van want to vomit all over his stupid leather get-up.

"I don't take orders from you, Nikki. Why don't you just leave me alone? I've got a job to attend to. And DON'T call me honey-child!" Van said, irritated.

Nikki paid no attention to the tone of Van's voice. Instead, he stood up straight and ran his finger over the cash register. Van, who'd turned around, silently reminded himself to spray the area with Lysol several times.

"Well now, that's no way to treat a dear old friend, is it? Why I just came to get myself a…" Nikki said, his voice becoming very dramatically low. "…hot…delicious…ice cream."

Van cringed again, feeling the horrible urge to throw up his lunch.  "Dear friend, my ass! I don't want to sit here and watch you get horny with an ice cream cone, so stop it! It's disgusting! What if the manager or someone else walks in?"

"Aww, well you'll just have to tell them the truth. About us. No need to hide it, honey-child. Two people who are in love shouldn't hide it," Nikki said, tossing around his little feather scarves. 

"Yeah, I'll tell you what SHOULD hide, and that's you and your hideous little self! Get out, I mean it!" Van barked, slamming the lid down on the small refrigerator. Bits of chocolate chip ice cream fell onto Nikki's small hands.  Nikki picked them up and began to lick them seductively.

"Mmm…you sure pick the good flavors honey-child. But I can show you a much…more…better tasting thing than this…" Nikki began.

Van suddenly picked up an empty ice cream tub and slammed it over Nikki's head, causing Nikki to panic.  Van then grabbed the feather scarf and tied his hands behind his back. He began pushing him out of the parlor.

"Oooh," came Nikki's voice from the tub.  "Gonna play kinky, are we? Tee-hee!"

He was about to say something else when Van used the nearby broom to smack him all the way the other side of town. Once out of sight, Van walked back into the parlor and behind the counter, where he helped himself to an ice cream cone.

"God, that idiot never learns. This is the zillionth time he's tried that crap on me," Van said to himself aloud.  He was interrupted by the sound of the tinkling little bell at the top of the doors, signaling that someone had arrived. Looking there, he saw Dragen walk in with Symelar.

"Yo, Van!" said Dragen, extending a hand to his best friend. Van smiled in relief that it wasn't Nikki and shook it the way most males do.

"Heya Dragen," Van replied. "And my favorite cousin, Syme," he added with fake sarcasm.

"Gee, do I get a free ice cream for that?" teased Symelar, ruffling his messy dark brown hair.

"Hey me too! I've been walking all day long looking for acrylic paints! Those things aren't cheap, you know!" Dragen said, leaning on the counter. 

"Hmm, I just pick up mine from Sally's Art Supply. What's wrong with going there? Or did you really just chase some girl all over town and drag poor Syme with you?" Van asked, grabbing two ice cream cones.

"Oh, why yes, that's what—" Symelar began, but was quickly silenced by Dragen's hand on his mouth.

Dragen chuckled. "Heh. Slime's really been under the heat so long, he's imagining things. But no, man, I swear I wasn't following anyone. Honest." He pretended to be hurt, which prompted a laugh from Van.  Good old Dragen.  Although Dragen was always second best in the art academy, Van sometimes envied the boy for having it all; handsome looks, short jet-black hair, intelligence and art skills.  And he didn't even have to wear glasses like Van did.  Nonetheless, despite their "rivalry", the two boys got along well enough to become best friends for almost 5 years now.

"I'm sure you were looking for supplies, Dragen. I believe you." Van said, opening the lid to the refrigerator. "Now what flavor do you guys want?"

"Ahh…shit, any flavor will do at this point. How 'bout Rocky Road?" Dragen replied, sitting in a nearby chair.  Symelar gave him a funny look.

"Isn't that a bit too heavy for this kind of heat? Won't it make you really thirsty?" he asked.

"Huh, and I suppose Chocolate chip cookie dough is any better." Dragen countered Van hands him an ice cream cone. "Now hurry up and choose so we can get back to looking for cheap-priced acrylics."

Symelar nodded. "Umm…" he put his finger to his mouth. "Um...I want to try any new flavors ya got."

Van groaned. "The only new thing that came in is that rainbow sherbert stuff. But it's in the back freezer." Please don't make me go back there and get it thought Van silently.

"Ok! I want that flavor!" Symelar said happily. "Oh, I love Sherbert! It's so tart and tangy!"

Van and Dragen rolled their eyes as Van turned for a moment to the back freezer.  He opened it to scoop some in a small dish when he felt two arms wrap themselves around his waist.  Almost immediately, he dropped the dish inside the ice cream and stiffened.

Oh God…please don't let it be him thought Van in sheer horror.  His worst fear was confirmed when the person holding him spoke up.

"Mmm…I wanna lick up some of that sherbert, honey-child."

"Aaaahhh!! Not you again!" cried Van angrily.  Dragen and Syme saw what was happening and freaked out.

"Oh shit, Syme, what's up with your cousin?" Dragen asked.

Symelar shook his head, equally surprised. "I…don't…know! Van never told me he had a suitor!"

"Will you two shut up and help get this freak off me!!!" yelled a desperate Van as Nikki began squeezing him and hugging him.

"Don't fidget so much, baby-kins! Makes it hard for me to kiss you're sweet little face!" Nikki said, tightening his grip around him.  Van almost vomited at the thought of Nikki's lips on any part of his body.  Why the hell had Symelar asked for sherbert!

Suddenly, Van raised his hand and shot it upward, punching Nikki in the jaw.  Nikki's grip on him loosened and he fell back against the back freezer. Van took that opportunity to grab the broom once again.

Nikki picked himself up and rubbed his jaw.  One would think that he'd give up by now, but instead, he was smiling coyly.  "Ooo baby, hit me again! Hit me again!" said Nikki as he wrapped his arms around Van again.  Van dropped the broom in surprise.

"I'll fucking kill you if you don't let me go!" cried Van, angry that he'd missed the opportunity to fight off Nikki.

"Aww, don't be that way. You know you want to feel me." Nikki said, lowering his lips to Van's left facial cheek. "Trust me, honey-child, you'll love—"

He was interrupted as Dragen grabbed his kitana sword case and whacked Nikki on the back of his head. Nikki doubled over, hitting his head once again on the back freezer's lid. He fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Damn that freak…" said Dragen, placing the case back into his belt.  Van, who was panting and wheezing, nodded in agreement.

"Sorry we couldn't do much, cuz.  You know that I don't like to hit people," Syme added, lowering his head.

Van looked at him sourly.  He remembered that Symelar was a very naïve young man who was somewhat of a pushover. "Yeah, well thanks anyway. You too, Dragen."

"So what now? He's gonna wake up any time soon," Dragen asked.

"Hmm…well, Syme, for once you're going to help," Van said, folding his arms. "You too, Dragen. We get rid of his sorry carcass now before he wakes up."

Symelar nodded and rushed over to pick him up by his feet.  Dragen grabbed one arm and Van took the other.  Together, they managed to haul an unconscious Nikki out of the parlor and into a garbage truck that happened to be passing by.

Back inside, the ice creams had already melted so Van offered them another one.  They ordered and then Dragen slapped some money on the counter table.

"Really, Drage, it's not necessary…" Van began but Dragen shook his head.

"Naw, I know how much you're watching your pennies.  I've got to head out now. Coming, Slime?"

Symelar nodded. "Indeed. But don't call me Slime!"

Van smiled. "Heh. Alright, well thanks a lot for your help. Enjoy your day."

Dragen nodded and headed out, Syme following him. 

"Have fun, cousin Van! Tell Uncle Gogh that I'll be home a little past ten!" he shouted as he left.  Van simply sighed in relief and threw himself into the chair.  Remembering the early incidents, he got up and searched around for the bottle of Lysol disinfecting spray. Once he found it, he sprayed everything that Nikki had touched; the cash register, the freezer and the counters. He'd only begun to scrub the counter when the little bell sounded off again.  Van quickly looked at the door, hoping it wasn't the return of that fruitcake.

But it was only General Norris of the Porre army, holding a little girl's hand.  Van assumed this must be his 4-year old daughter Belle, the little "princess" of Porre.

"Well hey, if it isn't Van!" Norris said, placing a hand on the counter. "How you been?"

Van nodded and smiled at the little girl, who was busy trying to reach the jar of jelly beans by the cash register.  "I've been alright. Between Art school and this job, it's been good. How about you?"

Norris grabbed Belle and set her down.  "Alright. Being the General of Porre keeps me pretty occupied but I manage to get some free time every now and then."

"Right. And Leena?"

"She's at Lisa's baby shower. Can you imagine, Glenn's gonna be a father so soon?" Norris said. 

Van stifled a laugh. "Well, it happens. Leena became a mother too soon."

"Ah…you're right. But I'm glad," Norris said.  Belle stamped her foot impatiently.

"Daddy, I want ice cream! Chocolate-chip-pitacho-vanilla-cherry-rocky-road!" she cried jumping up and down.  Van had to laugh at the little blonde girl who resembled a miniature Leena. He'd never liked kids very much, but the little "princess" was an exception.

"Good lord, that's going to get you an awfully upset stomach there," Van said to her. "How about some rainbow colored sherbert? It's really pretty and I bet it tastes good."

"If it has red and pink, then I want some! Yay!" Belle cried, clapping her hands together. Norris chuckled as Van carefully went to the back freezer.  Watching over his shoulder, Van managed to serve up a small dish of sherbert without being attacked by the fruit salad of the year.  Feeling that he might be, he decided to take the whole tub of sherbert and move it to the front freezer. 

As he was closing the lid to the back freezer, he heard the little bell sound off again. Oh lord, he's back! Van thought nervously.  He reached over and grabbed the broom and headed back to the front freezer. 

And there he was, rubbing against his leg.

"Gahh! Damn you, what the hell are you a cat? Shoo! Go away!" Van yelled, swatting Nikki with the broom repeatedly over the head.

Nikki, however, was enjoying this very much. "Ooo Ooo yes honey-child, purrrrrr!" He continued to rub against Van's leg, causing little Belle to laugh. Norris silenced her and pulled out his Spectral gun.

"Step away from Van, Nikki, or you will regret it," Norris ordered, pointing the gun directly at his head. But Nikki only too note in Norris' sexy arms from that green T-shirt he wore and lunged at him.

"Ooo, baby Norris! You're just as hunky-wunky-chunky!" he said, hugging his legs.

Norris tried to shake him off and began to cry. "Silence! I've got a wife and a child, so leave me alone!"

Nikki simply purred and ran his cheek up and down his leg. Norris was horribly disgusted by the gesture.

"No!! Get away!!" Norris yelled, desperate.  Suddenly, little Belle began to scream along with her father.

"Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy frooooooooooooooooom Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddyy!!!" she screamed, suddenly glowing a faint green glow.  She then pulled out a huge mace with spikes and began to slap him repeatedly until his face looked like swiss cheese.  For the finale, she clubbed him so hard that he went flying out of the parlor and across town (again).

Norris dusted off his pants and looked at his daughter.  "Now honey, I told you not to use your tech skill unless it was an emergency."

Van blinked in surprise. "THAT was a tech skill of hers? Whoah, what kind?"

"It's called 'Baby Slap', a different form of Leena's 'Maiden Hand'. Impressive, eh?"

"Yeah…but isn't that a bit extreme for a little girl?" Van asked.

Norris shrugged. "Aren't all tech skill ridiculously stupid and extreme?"

"Good point."

Mel then walked in the parlor. She swung her purse around and placed it on the counter, next to Norris and Belle. She and Norris exchanged polite hellos to each other then she turned to Van.

"Oi, Van, what gives! I saw Nikki flying out of here and across the sky," she asked.  Van shrugged.

"I don't know and I don't care. I've had a rough day," he said, making his way back to the other side of the counter. 

She sighed and tossed back her long chestnut brown hair. "I'm sorry you had such a bad day. Care to tell me about it?"

Van shook his head. "I'll tell you later." He turned his attention to Norris and the impatient Belle. "Alright, forgive me…I'll get you your cones in a bit."

Norris nodded understandingly.  Van served Belle her dish of sherbert ice cream and Norris his vanilla cone.

"Thanks. Well, we'll be seeing you, Van. You too, Mel. Take care," he said, as walked out with Belle digging into her ice cream happily.  After they'd left, Van smiled.

Mel studied his face for a while then finally broke the silence. "What is it? Little girls get to you that much?"

He shook his head at his friend. "Maybe. I'm just glad it was you that walked in right now instead of…" he cringed, not finishing his sentence. Mel nodded, knowing exactly what he was going through.

"Ooo so he's hanging around here again, eh? Isn't there a children's festival going on outside of Termina? Shouldn't he be there?" she asked, making Van laugh out loud. Count on Mel to give him a good laugh.

"I don't think the children need to be scared shitless. But yeah, I'd rather he be there than here. Oh, I don't wanna talk about it." Van said, shaking his head. "So what would you like today?"

Mel placed her hand on the counter.  "Hmmm..well let's try Black Cherry. Haven't tried that one yet."

"It's alright. Not one of my favorites, but not completely disgusting like the rainbow sherbert," Van said, opening the freezer lid.  The little bell on the door was heard once again.

Oh God, don't let it be him again! Please, I'll be good from now on! I'll never eat Father's Milano cookies again! Van thought, ducking his head into the freezer to scoop out some ice cream for Mel. It was not Nikki though, but instead a familiar female voice.

"Thanks a lot Mel for leaving me out there to handle Bubba! Honestly, if you're going to date someone, at least be courteous enough to stay with him throughout the date," the person said, closing the door behind her.  Like a hot brick, Van dropped the scooper into the ice cream upon hearing the familiar voice. He suddenly tensed up and became very nervous.

"Marcella…" began Mel, shaking her head in disappointment. "You've got to learn to stop being so nice to everyone. Sometimes, other people can take care of themselves. Bubba's a perfect example of that."

Van lifted his head and bumped it against the freezer lid. He rubbed the spot and looked straight at the beautiful blonde girl standing next to Mel. It was definitely Marcella of the Dragoon Devas.

"Poor guy. He seemed—oh…" Marcella stopped short upon seeing behind the counter.  She quickly turned to look to her right, pretending to be interested in the lame decorations around the parlor, her cheeks reddening slightly. "Good afternoon Van."

Van's gaze was fixated on her for a long while.  It was so hard to believe that the bratty child from Serge's adventure had grown into a beautiful young lady.  Her soft blonde hair hung loosely around her shoulders and she wore those cute spaghetti-strapped white tank tops with a silver cross for a pendent. Her blue eyes met his momentarily and then she looked at Mel but it was enough to make Van blush all over.

"Eh…good afternoon, Marcella. On a date with some loser named Bubba, eh?" he shot suddenly at her.

Marcella was taken aback. Her eyes narrowed at him in irritation. "Excuse me? I'm not on a date with him but even if I was, Bubba is not a loser!" she snapped back at him. She then smiled evilly at him. "I'll bet you're just envious, aren't you?"

"Ha! Sure, I'm envious of a guy by the name of 'Bubba' who's dating a measly 16-year older like yourself," he said, turning to get the paper towels.  In truth, he was a tad envious about it all, but it was typical behavior for both of them to suddenly snap at each other so suddenly.  Van knew he did it because he didn't know how to act on these feelings he had for her. This was the first time in all his life he'd ever felt that way about a girl.

"Why you…" Marcella growled.

"Alright, enough you two. Don't you see how hard it is when my two best friends are constantly at each other's throats?" Mel interjected, placing her hands on her hips.  Van turned to face the two girls.

"Alright. For Mel's sake, I apologize," he muttered, folding his arms.

"Same here," replied Marcella. Mel nodded, satisfied.  "Good because having two friends fight all the time is worst than cleaning up the cat shit Korcha's cat leaves behind the couch."

Both Marcella and Van cringed, then laughed.  He handed Mel the dish of ice cream and continued to chuckle. "Some analogy there, Mel. Honestly, Korcha should pick up after him own pets, no?"

Mel shrugged and began to wolf down her ice cream hungrily. "You're right. But try telling that to Korchies. Anyway, I'd better go outside and comfort old Bubba. Poor guy must think I've ditched him."

"But Mel, you did ditch him," Marcella said, folding her arms. Mel brushed her away and smiled.

"Yeah yeah. He'll forgive me, you'll see. Anyway, get your ice cream and meet me outside, ok?" she waltzed outside the parlor to join the weenie boyfriend.

Van was then aware that he and Marcella were alone. His heart began to beat faster and he became much more nervous than ever before.  He repeatedly tugged at his shirt and smoothed it out, like if he was going to meet the General Viper himself.  The other part of him was scared that Nikki would suddenly return to continue with his futile seductions.

Van shuddered at the very word of seduction. Didn't Nikki have a damn life?

"Well uh…what..wi-ill it be, M..marcy?" he stuttered.  Marcella peered into the freezer, looking at all the ice cream flavors.  She took a few minutes to examine each one, and each minute was pure torture for Van. Here he was, alone in a parlor with the cutest girl in all of El Nido (in his opinion) and she was taking her sweet time choosing. 

"I think I will have the vanilla one," she said at last, pointing to the tub. Van nodded and opened the lid to scoop some into a small dish. Oh how he wished he could have spent more time getting dressed this morning!

"Ah-ha. Plain ice cream for a plain girl, no?"  he said, smirking to himself as he leaned over in the freezer. 

"Oh, why don't you just do your job and stop picking on me!" she replied indignantly. 

Van chuckled from inside the freezer. "Alright, I apologize. It's just that…" he scooped the ice cream onto a cone and closed the lid to the freezer door. Why not tell her now, when no one's around? If Nikki came around, he'd hear what he had to say and realize that he wasn't interested in men. Van came up behind the counter and handed her the cone. "It's just that you're too much of an interesting girl to choose such a plain flavor."

Marcella almost dropped her cone at the compliment and looked to her right. She was very embarrassed and blushed. "Van..! I…I…well, thank you."

Van nodded and leaned on the counter, trying to get her to look at him.  She smiled, then turned back to face him, her blue eyes bright with satisfaction.  "You always win with that tactic…sweet talking me."

"Heh. If it works well, then I don't mind using it often," he replied.  He knew later when he went home, he'd have a hard time believing that he was standing here flirting with Marcella.

Marcella walked up to the counter and placed her ice cream down on the small tray that was there. She then leaned on the counter, close to Van.  The two of them stared at each other for a moment then before they knew it, they were leaning towards each other, ready for a kiss.

His lips almost met hers until he suddenly felt two arms being wrapped around him once again. His eyes shot open and he saw himself face-to-face with Nikki. 

"Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!" he screamed suddenly, from both rage and horror. 

"Ooo honey child, I'll bet I could make you scream louder than that." Nikki said, suddenly wedging himself between Van and Marcella. Marcella looked at him in total surprise.

"Brother…! What is the meaning of this!" she asked indignantly. 

"Aahhh! Shit, Marcella, it's not what you think! I—ahh!" Van cried, struggled to loosen himself from Nikki's grip. He started to punch him across the face, which had no effect.

"Oooo hoo hoo, not this time honey-bunny, you're old tactics wont work against me!" Nikki said in the most sugary sweet voice he could muster. Of course, he sounded like a drunken cow that way. "Besides, dear sister Marcella, Van is MY darling."

Marcella narrowed her eyes and folded her arms. "Oh, REALLY…"

"No no, I'm not his darling! Ahh let go of me you stupid pathetic horror show!"

Nikki began to hug Van tightly, making Marcella seethe.  "Hee-hee! You say just the sweetest things, love! Tell me more!"

Marcella scowled and headed to the door. "I guess I'll see you later, Van," she said shortly.

"Marcella!" he cried but she had already walked out of the parlor.  Nikki continued to try and smack his lips against Van's.

"Ooo that's ok, baby, now we have all the privacy in the world," Nikki cooed into his ear.

That was the last straw for Van.  Between loosing his chance to kiss Marcella and having a psychotic pound cake all over him like syrup on pancakes, Van couldn't think of anything that could upset him more.

He suddenly went into a "trance" mode a la Final Fantasy 9 mode and began to punch Nikki with full force.  Nikki went flying to the walls and rubbed his cheeks in pain.  For once, it looked like it actually hurt. He was pleased that Nikki wasn't being turned on by these actions.

"Ouch! Why'd you do that for, huh? That hurts!" Nikki protested but Van was not finished with him yet.

"Oh, the best is yet to come, you disgusting spawn of RuPaul," Van said evilly, grabbing Nikki by the neck.  "You'll pay for ruining everything for me."

He then opened the lid to the back freezer and slammed Nikki's head into a brand new tub of ice cream. He buried his head deep in the freezing cold ice cream.

"Maaaaaaaaa!" screamed Nikki as he struggled to get up. "Stop!! It's freezing!! Let me out!!! You'll ruin my make-up too and I've got a children's festival to attend later on!"

"Should have thought about that before messing with me," Van replied coolly.  He picked up Nikki's head from the tub of ice cream, laughing at the sight of him. Nikki's make-up was also smeared so badly that he looked like a clown. Or in Van's case, clowns looked like beauty queens compared to Nikki.

Next, he crammed Nikki's head into the large blender next to the freezer.  It was an old model and was no longer used.  He placed it carefully in so that his head would not touch the blades but instead his beloved hair.

He then pushed the on button gleefully.

The blades swirled round and round Nikki's hair, chopping it to bits.  "Stop!! My hair! Oh my Loreal Nice N' Easy hair!!" But his screams were drowned out by the buzzing of the blender. 

After a few minutes, Van switched it off and pulled out Nikki's hair.  He almost laughed at the pathetic sight of him with fuzzy hair, half of it cropped and half of it with bald spots. Nikki, however was almost ready to cry.

"You've ruined me!! How could you do this to my beautiful self!" Nikki wailed. Van covered his ears and shook his head.

"Hell you're so ugly you make Sprigg look like supermodel of the year," he snapped, raising his fist. "And now you'll never be "beautiful" again after I'm done with you!"

"No! How dare you call me ugly!" Nikki cried. If it was one thing Nikki was weak against it was being ugly.

"Ugly ugly ugly, my dog's ass is prettier I'll bet!" Van said, suddenly smiling.  "Lights out for you, you has been!"

With that, he used all of his strength to punch Nikki right in the face. He punched him so hard that Nikki flew toward the door, where Marcella was just coming back inside.  She stared down at the sight of her brother and burst into giggles.

"Nikki! Honestly, is that a new style for drag queens or something?" she asked, bending over to look at him.

Nikki rubbed his head and glared at her. "Huh? Since when did I become a drag queen?"

"Oh…since many writers of Chrono Cross fanfiction decided that since you dressed like that all the time, you were a drag queen. I know you're only dressed with make-up and all because you're a rock star, but try telling that to our readers out there," she said, walking over to Van.

"My lord, is this true?" Nikki yelled, getting himself up. He looked at Van and began to cry. "Why'd ya do that to me! I've done nothing wrong to you what so ever!"

Van placed walked around the counter and took his place next to Marcella.  "What have you done wrong? Gee…for starters, picking on me like I'm some sort of helpless, submissive person.  Don't you understand, I'm STRAIGHT!?" he barked, then turned to face straight ahead. "And for you readers out there, I'M STRAIGHT!"

"What's wrong with trying to hook up with you? That's what I've always been written to do. Lots of writers out there make us into a gay relationship and you're supposed to be the submissive one! Now you've gone against everything!" Nikki yelled at the top of his lungs, causing Marcella to jump. Van placed an arm around her and she equally placed her hands on his chest.

"W..what?" Van blinked in surprise. "You mean there's people out there pairing us together?" he cried in horror. "And I'M the one that's supposed to be submissive?"

Nikki got up and rubbed his head. "Yeah, you didn't know that? No one pairs me with the person I truly love, Miki.  It's always me acting like a fruit salad just because I wear extraordinary clothing. This clothing is just a get up. And personally, I'm NOT interested in ugly little boys like you."

"Hey! I'm not that ugly," said Van, still in shock. "This is horrible! Why must I be a little pushover!?"

Marcella looked up at him. "Don't worry. This is the first fic I've seen on the net where you're actually straight. Hopefully more people will place us together," she said, placing her head on his chest.

Van blushed. "I hope so too."

Suddenly, in walked Dark Serge, clad in his black uniform.  It was at least a hundred degrees outside but that didn't seem to bother him.  But seeing the layers of clothing on him made everyone else sweat.  The gang would have laughed at the stupid skull hat he wore if it weren't for the fact that an enemy was actually near.

"Dark Serge! I thought you were dead!" Marcella cried, pulling out her sword. Van took his boomerang and Nikki grabbed his guitar, ready to fight. 

Dark Serge, however, was not intimidated.  He simply waltzed over to the freezer and helped himself to an ice cream cone.  "Cool it, brats.  I'm not here looking for a fight," he said, licking his cone. "Besides, lots of Japanese sites act like I'm still alive, so I must still be alive."

Van lowered his boomerang. "Whatever. So what do you want?"

Dark Serge turned to Nikki and Marcella.  "Since you know a lot about Chrono Cross on the net, then tell me why am I paired off with my very own son," he asked.

"Shhh, you'll spoil the game for those who haven't finished it yet!" everyone cried.

"Pfft.  If they complain and bitch, then it's their own fault. They should have read the spoiler warning," Dark Serge said calmly, licking his cone again.  "So tell me why am I in such an incestuous relationship?"

Marcella shook her head. "I don't know.  But you've got a point, it's sort of an incest relationship.  Technically, Dark Serge, you are Lynx and Lynx is really Serge's father Wazuki. So that does make it an incest relationship."

Van nodded in agreement. "So true.  I didn't think about it before."

Suddenly, there was a tap in the front freezer.  Van walked over to it and opened the lid. Serge stepped out of it, brushing off ice crystals from his shaggy blue hair.  Everyone's eyes widened as they wondered where he came from.

"….." said Serge, walking over to join them.

"Can we get a translation around here?" Van asked.  Nikki nodded.

"Well I've also been in a relationship with Serge so I know him pretty well. He's telling us that writers have paired him off with so many different men that he's probably infested with numerous sexually transmitted diseases," Nikki explained.  "And that's not including women."

"….!" Serge said, shaking his head.

"He says that he can't understand why all the relationships he's placed in, he's always gotta be the submissive one.  It makes him feel like he's a big fat wuss," Nikki explained.

"Well I've got to admit, that IS a fact," piped in Dark Serge.

"……!" Serge said.

"Don't talk back to your father that way, Serge," Dark Serge replied. Karsh suddenly poked his head out from the same freezer that Serge came from.

"Hey did you know that someone wrote about me screwing Glenn when he was only 6 years old? Man is that child pornography or what?" Karsh asked.

"And you were like…13 I guess? Whoah shit, looks like the author must like child pornography because there's nothing appealing about children having sex with each other," Van replied, shaking his head.

Karsh nodded and returned into the freezer.

From the broom closet, Norris appeared and joined the crowd.

"Yeah now that we're discussing pairings, how come I've been paired off with Leena all the time?" he asked, grabbing an ice cream cone.

"Shit, be lucky you're at least part of a straight relationship!" Van cried. "Besides, would you rather be paired with Glenn like most Japanese sites?"

Norris widened his eyes. "Good point there.  But at least with Glenn, I'm the dominating one, as opposed to with Karsh, where I'm the little wussy. Hey, let's not forget that someone out there likes me with Dario!"

"Good lord, Dario?" Marcella giggled. "That's another point I had to make. Dario's alive out there, so I don't get why Riddel's looking for other men."
"Dear Marcella, save that for another fic," said Nikki, shaking his head. He then blanked out momentarily and then placed his head in his hands. "Oh god, I feel it coming."

Everyone turned their attention to Nikki, who was holding his head and kneeling on the floor.
"Is it Sephiroth calling to you?" asked Dark Serge.

"No, dumb-ass, that's Final Fantasy 7," replied Norris.

Nikki suddenly stood up and faced everyone. "That was just a premonition. Someone is currently writing about me having sex with Serge in his bedroom. I'm supposedly dumping Van for Serge."

Serge's eyes widened as he backed away.  Nikki began to step forward, ready to take him.

"Come on, baby kins. We can't go against our beloved writers. I don't want Van anymore, let me have you!" Nikki said, raising his arms. Poor Serge began to run out of the parlor.

"Aww, and I was beginning to like all the attention," Van said, shaking his head. Marcella took her hands from his chest and slapped him across the face. "Gee, I was just kidding," he added, rubbing his cheek.

Norris' eyes blanked out just like Nikki's and then he stared at Van intently. "Oh my heavens…someone's building a shrine to us, Van. Come to me, my love…" he said, approaching Van.

Van began to cry and back away into the back room.  "Nooo! Not this again!!!" he screamed so loud that everyone in Termina heard him.  Dark Serge sat there and began to lick his ice cream calmly. The flavor was rainbow sherbert.

"Cool."

Author's comments: Like I said, I did this fic to relieve stress from finals week. Again let me say that this fic is NOT meant to ridicule or belittle anyone in anyway. Why? Because the characters here were not hinting at anyone's fanfics specifically so rest assured you're not being made fun of.  I also respect most yaoi pairings (including Van/Nikki) but to some extent, it's ridiculous. I do not like the way Nikki is made to be a total drag queen who flirts around with younger boys like Van. I like Nikki a whole lot, in fact he's my third favorite out of the whole game.  I've seen him paired with Serge and Van mostly, which is ok but PLEASE he's not a drag queen.

Anyway, like I said, I had no one in mind when I wrote this fic and some of the facts (like the Nikki wanting to screw Norris) was totally made up.  Hope you like it. I can be reached at delita_chan@hotmail.com