Love and Loss: A Weller Tradition
Beautiful aqua eyes, once so youthful and full of fiery passion, blinked slowly up at him with an aged, knowing glimmer. A weary smile worked its way upon his wrinkled features.
"Don't give me that look, Conrad. I might just have to get out of this bed and challenge you to another duel," his expression was playful. "I'll beat you one of these days."
"Hai, Alford, I know you will."
Alford's hand slowly brushed away a strand of soft, brown hair from Conrad's cheek.
"You always were a terrible liar."
Conrad tried to smile at his lover's teasing.
He'd smiled the day his arm was cut off. He smiled as he betrayed his king. He'd even smiled as they laid many a good man to rest after the fight with Dai Shimeron.
But as he watched the once strong and vital human, lying in what would soon be his deathbed, he simply found he had no strength left for false smiles.
oo OO oo OO oo
Conrad had never been what one might call lucky in love.
In his younger days there had been a few meager relationships that had been amusing and rewarding enough at the time, but nothing ever really came from them. He was too controlling. She was too dramatic. He liked to gloat that it was "true what people say about half-breeds." It was always something.
And then there was Julia. She was the brightest star in the heavens as far as Conrad was concerned. And like the captain of a ship, he set his course by her and followed diligently. But no matter how carefully he set his pace, he could never reach her brilliance. Captain or not, she was still a star--always beautiful and always out-of-reach. Until the day her light shone no more and his world was bathed in the darkest of shrouds.
And then there was another. He possessed that same light, but he wasn't a star. He was a campfire, or a candle, or the fire in the hearth, or the fireflies that danced in the warm, night air. He was Yuuri, and his compassion and warmth were close enough to touch. But Conrad couldn't dare to do that. Not when this time the man engaged to that soul — that person he loved--was his little brother. Not when he had made those dark eyes shed tears for him.
As Wolfram and Yuuri grew closer, Conrad withdrew further behind that warm smile of his. He saw only Yuuri while another watched him from the shadows, spying on his captain. A teasing word here. A pleasant conversation there. A touch on the shoulder and one on the hand. Something was beginning. Something might have grown past friendship, but then he lost Yozak too.
Standing at Yozak's grave, his thoughts returned to that first day he met the redhead, standing by his mother's tombstone, cloaked in a tattered cape. If the fool had just not gone after Belal himself, then maybe...
No, Conrad didn't have time to lament what should have been. He still had a Maou to protect, a kingdom to sacrifice for, and a mask to wear that kept anyone else from ever getting too close.
Years passed. The boxes had long since been destroyed and Dai Shimeron had fallen, the bulk of it joined with Shou Shimeron, becoming Shin Shimeron, while the rest of the territory was absorbed by the surrounding kingdoms in reparations. The alliance had grown tremendously and while discrimination was still anything but eliminated, things were becoming more open, the younger generations were becoming more accepting. For a time, this fact alone helped Conrad get through all the long, cold nights as he kept himself at a safe distance. He could no longer remember if the walls around his emotions were to protect others or himself, but it mattered little. They were there nonetheless.
And then a day came that was harder than most he had spent in the war. He was attending a wedding. No, not just attending, participating in a wedding. He would be walking one of the grooms down the aisle. He would be standing at his side as best man. He would be making toasts to their love and their future. And he would do it all with that perfect, practiced smile as he watched his little brother marry the Maou — marry Yuuri.
It hurt.
After the vows, after the cake had been cut, and during the dancing when everyone else looked happiest, Conrad sought his escape. He made it only as far as the courtyard when a movement behind him had him reaching for his sword.
Holding up his hands, the man who had followed him out spoke, "I wouldn't mind finishing our duel, but I don't think this is really the best time."
"Markina-san, sorry. I did not realize it was you," he said sheathing his blade again.
"I should have known better than to sneak up on the man who bested my father."
"Why were you?"
Conrad could have sworn he caught the faintest of blushes cross the other man's cheeks, but he decided it must have been from the wine or the dancing. "I saw you leave, and I hadn't gotten the chance to speak with you yet."
"Ah, I am happy to see you again, Markina-san. I would like to catch up with you, but tonight may not be the best time."
Conrad didn't notice the disappointment on the human's face as he walked away. There was only loss in his heart that night. There was no room for well-intentioned heroes.
But the human didn't leave with the rest of the wedding guests. He stayed around helping out where he could, making friends, and eventually becoming part of the ever day backdrop of life in Blood Pledge castle. And then just as he had become almost invisible to the stoic soldier, he also became omnipresent. They seemed to run into each other in the hallway more often than one would expect and they were always searching for a midday snack at the same time.
Eventually, Alford's friendly greetings became an expected part of the day. Then they became anticipated and enjoyed. And the time they shared stretched out and began to include long walks, sword practice, mock duels that Conrad always won, picnics and then one day, when Conrad least expected it, because Conrad never did expect such things, it included a kiss.
One soft kiss turned into another, and then a firmer one, and then they were touching and clothes were being loosened, and all of that loneliness that filled Conrad's heart was shoved to one side as he slowly made a place for Alford.
oo OO oo OO oo
In a quiet voice, either because he lacked the strength to speak louder, or because the words were difficult, Alford spoke, "Can you forgive me?"
It was with genuine surprise and concern that Conrad squinted his eyes at the man. "What does Alford need my forgiveness for?"
"Making you fall in love with a fast-aging human fool like me."
A tear slipped down Conrad's cheek as he gave the man a real smile — full of love and sadness. "Alford takes credit for things he doesn't control."
"Humor an old man?"
"I don't see an old man here. I see beautiful Alford — a fine swordsman, a great hero, and a better man than I."
"Oh? I think I'd like to meet him. Do you think he would go for a withered thing like me?"
Conrad just shook his head softly, careful not to dislodge Alford's hand from his cheek. "You interrupted me. I was about to add incorrigible and difficult."
Alford's fingers slipped from the smooth skin, but Conrad's hand quickly held the hand in place, not ready to let go of the warmth. "Honesty looks good on you, Conrad. You should try it more often with your family. They'll still love you. It will just be for who you really are instead of who you pretend to be."
"Alford..."
"What? You think I'm going to miss and opportunity like this? You can't get mad at a dying man." He cups Conrad's cheek more firmly, "And I don't want you to shut yourself off from everyone when I'm gone. I want you to be happy."
"Alford..."
"I mean it, Weller! Or I really will come back and win that duel. Promise me."
"How can I promise something like that?"
"How can you not?"
Conrad could feel another warm tear rolling down his cheek and over their joined hands. Before he realized what he was doing his head was buried against the other man's chest, dampening his shirt and his arms were clinging to Alford's sides.
"Then promise me you won't die!"
A wrinkled hand brushed through the half-blood's hair, "Okay, I promise. I won't die."
"Then I promise to always be happy."
Conrad clung to Alford as he felt the man take his last breath and slip away. He curled against the lifeless form and cried against his chest. His shaking breath was too unsteady to speak, but his thoughts were clear.
"I guess we both lied. But I'll try. For you, I'll try."