Title – my heart beats for you
Series – Kingdom Hearts
Pairings(s) – Roxas/Xion
Disclaimer – I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters :C
You can't love because you have no heart to love with.
Roxas knows this; it's been drilled into his head a thousand times over by just about everybody in the organisation. Though, he never really was listening to them when they rambled on about their lost hearts and consequently how important he was for the organization's goal. It seemed to be a sensitive topic with all of them and he decided against questioning it at the time. He had never questioned anything before. That could be because none of it really mattered to him, didn't affect him in the way it does them. You can't miss what you never had after all and Roxas had no memories to latch onto. Life for him was an endless amount of missions; a scheduled and orderly life he had slipped into. Looking back, it was somewhat comforting to him.
Roxas remembers one mission in particular. Though the mission itself was really no different from the rest and he wasn't really sure himself just what he was assigned to do that day. He just knows that Axel had been there and that it was the day they had become 'friends'. Well, as closest to the term as Nobodies like themselves could be. Friends are people who laugh and do stupid things together; he remembers replaying that in his head as he hears the sound of laughter disappear into the distance along with three kids. There was an awkward moment of silence between Axel and him after the kids had completely gone from sight and he had been about to suggest they RTC when Axel instead dragged him off to give him a 'reward' for a mission well done.
"Why? Because we're friends."
That day, he and Axel sat at the clock tower and ate sea-salt ice-cream while talking and laughing about things that probably weren't even funny to anyone but them. Roxas remembers thinking how empty their laughter sounded.
"R-Roxas…?"
Roxas remembers the first time Xion says his name. Back then, he wasn't even sure if she was a girl or a boy until that moment. Their conversation doesn't last much over a minute and he remembers stuttering out responses and being generally dumbfounded by her broken silence for most of it.
That night, he had thought about Xion. Truthfully, he had always wanted to talk to her, the mysterious 14th member of the organisation who had no memories and possessed the ability to wield the keyblade. That was exactly how they had described him when he had first appeared and joined the organization. He often wondered what exactly made him so special so when he found out Xion was just like him; he found comfort in her existence.
The day after that, he had been assigned to a mission with Xion again.
"Let's do our best!"
Roxas found himself yet again dumbfounded as he stared into Xion's face for the first time. This time, though, he quickly recovers. He nods and gives her a smile.
"Right."
Many days have passed since he joined the organisation. (He always counts them exactly and wonders if Xion does too.)
He, Axel and Xion are eating sea-salt ice-cream on the clock tower just as they always do after missions. They are the best of friends and laughter fills the air around them.
Roxas turns to smile at Xion. He doesn't notice the sadness in her eyes.
"I… wish we could stay like this forever."
He and Axel don't respond to her but he's sure Xion knows they both feel the same way. Roxas never bothers to remember half the missions he's been on or half the insults thrown at him by the other organization members, but every moment on the clock tower with Axel and Xion he vows never to forget. Life was perfect for him as long as he had these two.
Roxas doesn't understand the meaning behind Xion's words. He doesn't know that his 'life' is already falling apart.
Xion has run from the organization and Axel had let her.
Axel tells him that Xion is a puppet made by the organisation, but this fact doesn't change anything for him. Xion is his best friend. He tells this to Axel and expects him to agree with him but Axel only stares sadly at him. Roxas can't stand it and walks off to seclude himself in his room.
It is around this time that Roxas begins to seriously question who he is and what exactly he's doing with his life. He thinks, no, he knows, that Axel has the answers. He's always had the answers.
Roxas sits up in his bed and resolves to get those answers from him. He concludes that maybe Axel didn't say anything because he never straight out asked. (He knows it's still not a good excuse but he settles for it anyway.)
He thought that maybe, just maybe, their friendship still stood a chance.
It's the 357th day since Roxas joined the organization. It is also the first day of not being an organization member after 'resigning' yesterday. He walks across the familiar town but this time he has no mission. He stumbles a bit as he walks and comes to a halt after realising he had almost walked into a wall. He hears the sound of laughter approaching and looks up to see three kids he's come to know as Hayner, Pence and Olette. They continue to laugh and he hears bits of their conversation involving sea-salt ice-cream and races.
He thinks of Axel and Xion and wonders how things fell apart so quickly.
Roxas then reminds himself about the lies Axel had told him and how, even when Roxas had begged to know the truth, he had probably just kept lying and lying without a thought of their 'friendship'. He bitterly continues to walk on and finds himself heading to the clock tower.
"…Where did I think I could go?"
Roxas thinks back to how he had been on the second week since he was born (since he really just can't remember much of the first week). Everything was simpler when you didn't have memories to latch onto, he now knows this, and he had once lived comfortably like that. Now, he was a complete mess. Memories of Axel and Xion haunt him and he feels a sharp pain in his chest.
He sits there in silence for a while before he hears someone settle in beside him. He doesn't turn to look immediately because he thinks he's probably just going insane and delusional but eventually he glances and is stunned to see Xion there.
He goes to say something –anything but before he can, Xion hands him a sea-salt ice-cream. He stares at her for a few seconds before he takes it and gives her a warm smile.
"…Thank you."
She is especially silent but Roxas can't seem to mind very much. Her presence is enough to comfort him.
After a few moments, Xion breaks the comforting silence that had settled in between them.
"Roxas... my time's up."
He realizes his life has fallen apart long before this moment.
Roxas finds himself on the ground in front of the entrance to the station. His memories are a complete blur.
There is no Axel. There is no Xion. Instead, water is flowing from his eyes as he clenches the seashell in his hand.
He is telling himself again and again – You can't love because you have no heart to love with. Somehow, he isn't as convinced anymore.
"..Xion…" I love you.
end.
Written for a friend, my first Kingdom Hearts story ;u; We love this pairing. I haven't played the game in a while so sorry for mistakes with timing and canon facts etc.