Disclaimer:- I do not own 'Without A Trace' or any of it's characters (although owning Martin would be just lovely!)
The song '(You Want To) Make A Memory' belongs to Bon Jovi, I have merely borrowed their lyrics for the purpose of this fic.
Rating:- K
Pairings: - Martin/Samantha, Danny/Other, Jack/Anne, Viv/Marcus
Summary
An AU songfic set sometime during season 4 or 5 you decide!
This is written in first person narrative, from Samantha's POV and is strictly M/S in nature. It's a little angsty so you have been warned!!!
As much as I love Jack (especially when he gets angry, lol) I really dislike the Jack/Sam pairing, so whilst you'll rarely get any Jack-bashing from me, you won't be getting any J/S either.
It's all about the 'Smarty' love!!
It's just you and me again.
They had all gone home to their loved ones; Jack to Anne, Elena to her daughter, Danny to his girlfriend, Vivian to Marcus…and I am still here with you.
I am still here in the office at 8 o'clock at night, I am still reading over the same sentence I have tried to read over and over again, I am still watching you as you sit in front of me.
I am still here… I am still in love with you.
The paperwork is never ending, looks like you and I drew the short straw again, but I would choose to be here anyway, I would choose to be with you.
You smile at me and ask if I'm ok, your beautiful blue eyes hold me in a steady gaze and the breath I have been holding catches in my throat as I tell you I am fine.
I have missed your eyes, I have missed your voice late at night…your touch, your kisses, your strength, your compassion.
I have missed you.
You look over at me when you think I am unaware of your stares, but as your eyes cast downwards from me, mine are rising to watch you.
The brilliance of your eyes, the way the shadows fall on your face, your perfect smile…
I have you committed to memory, you are in the deepest recesses of my mind and though I have tried to make you leave, tried to forget you, I cannot.
I know you by heart.
Being around you each day weighs heavily on my heart and I find myself thinking about you, about the mistakes that we made, the reasons we parted all those months ago. I held you to blame and I am sorry. I am sorry I wasn't stronger, I am sorry I let you down, I am sorry of not being able to find the words to say to make you stay…
I am sorry I let you walk away.
Time goes by and I am dreading the moment we will part. You lean back in your chair and rub tiredly at your neck. You look tired, as if like me, you have not been sleeping. Have you missed me beside you as I have missed you?
Before I know what I am saying I invite you to my apartment to finish our work and to my surprise you accept.
There is something in your smile that makes me wonder…there is something in your eyes that gives me hope.
The car journey is spent in companiable silence and soon enough you are standing in my apartment and smiling the most amazing smile as you re-familiarize yourself with your surroundings.
I offer you a drink and as I turn to open the wine I watch you take off your tie and sit back easily on the sofa like you have just returned home to me.
'Hello again, it's you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin' wine, killing time
Trying to solve life's mysteries'
I hand you the glass, staring at the red liquid it holds, scared to look at you for fear you will know my thoughts, you always did.
You knew my mind, my body, my soul…you knew me.
I wish I had let you know my heart.
You reach out and brush a lock of hair from my face. My eyes close at the gesture, at the feel of your fingertips against my skin and when I open them once again, you are gazing at me intently.
'How's your life, it's been a while?
God it's good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave'
You smile and ask me how I've been, like an old friend you haven't seen for the longest time. Did I already say I missed your smile?
I tell you I am fine, my usual response… work, friends and families are discussed and you pause at the sudden sadness on my face.
When did we become strangers to each other?
'If you don't know if you should stay
If you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be.'
'You wanna make a memory?'
I want to reach out and touch you…you are real, you are here beside me. I want to tell you I am sorry, I want to tell you I have changed.
But I am still the coward you knew and I cannot say the words we both long to hear.
'I dug up this old photograph
look at all that hair we had
it's bitter sweet to hear you laugh
your phone is ringin' I don't wanna ask'
Your gaze comes to rest on a photograph behind me. It is a picture of my 'family', the ones I trust, the ones I feel safest with.
It was taken at that first Christmas party after your arrival to our team; we are all smiling, we look happy, young and carefree, none of us aware of the weary years ahead.
You laugh as your thumb caresses the image and you joke about the change in our appearances, but your laughter softens to a tender smile as you tell me I have always been beautiful to you.
You lean closer and I am powerless to stop myself moving towards you. You hesitantly move your lips to mine, afraid to make that final contact, afraid of the consequences…afraid I will break your heart once again.
There is indecision in your eyes, but the impatient ringing of your phone makes the final decision. You pull away from me and read the display and I can feel what's left of my heart breaking.
From your expression I know it is a woman calling you.
You allow the phone to ring unanswered and I am both pleased and a little guilty that you did not take her call.
I try to look away from you but you tilt my face towards you and begin to speak an explanation.
'If you go now I'll understand
If you stay, hey, I've gotta plan'
Please do not tell me you belong to someone else…please do not tell me you love her.
Do not tell me you will never be mine again.
You begin to explain…
A friend introduced you to her, said 'it was time'. You tell me her name, you tell me she is a doctor, you tell me she seems nice.
There are unshed tears in your eyes as you tell me… "But she's not you."
'
I shake my head and brush the tears from my cheek as you ask me if there's someone else; there could never be anybody else, it will always be you.
You glance at your keys on the table and then at me. But I cannot give it all, I cannot beg you to stay, my pride will not let me. I need you to decide, I need you to want me, to retrace your steps back to my arms.
I will be everything you wanted, everything I should have been…I will give in to happiness if you will only take the first step back to me.
'If you don't know if you should stay
And you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be -We should be.'
I blink away a tear and I am suddenly in your arms. You pull me to you and your lips are on mine, you crush me to you but I am still not close enough.
I wrap my arms around you in a silent vow: this time it will not be a fight, this time I will not shut you out, this time I will not let you go.
But I cannot remain silent now; it was my silence that made you leave.
Your words are easy and free as you tell me you have missed me, that you will never let me go again. You tell me you love me.
'You wanna make a memory?
You wanna steal a piece of time?
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple lines.'
Later on I will tell you of the future I want to share with you, of the memories we will make together, but right now, I must tell you those three words. Those three terrifying words that have previously left me paralyzed and afraid.
I place my hand to your cheek and stare up into your handsome face and all at once the words flow easily from my lips.
"I love you Martin."
And finally you know my heart…
And you pull me close and claim my lips with yours…
'You wanna make a memory.
You wanna make a memory.'
It's just you and me again.