Kili chased the frog down the path into the dark and mysterious woods, not stopping when the forest seemed to grow misty and quiet around him. With one last leap he tackled the amphibian.
"HaHa! Gotcha!" Kili stuffed his pet into his pockets and went off in search of the other escapees. When he finally saw a flash of green between the trees, he became distracted by a more interesting creature. She looked almost like an elf, yes, he thought, an elf, for her long blonde hair shifted to reveal her perfectly pointed ears.
"Hey," Kili shouted, not able to contain himself, "you're pretty!"
The young elf stopped abruptly, and spun around to scan the dwarf child angrily:
"What did you say to me, dwarf?" Legolas spat.
Kili realized his mistake too late, for even as he stared into the elf's face, he was definitely pretty enough to be a girl. Legolas waited for an answer, his blue eyes slowly starting to squint and his chin began to raise suspiciously. Then, not satisfied by Kili's apologetic eyes, he launched himself at the young dwarf. They wrestled for a few minutes before another elf rounded the bend in the trail, looking for Legolas. This elf child had long red hair and moved with more grace than Kili's mind could comprehend, but he wasn't going to take any chances with gender just yet, and kept his energy focused on fending off Legolas's fists.
"Leggles!" the red-haired elf exclaimed angrily, "Why do you attack him so?" As she asked, she bent down and grabbed her kin by the ankles pulling him off of the dwarf child, but Legolas managed to get a tight grip on Kili's pants and they came off as well, sending Kili to hide behind a nearby tree.
"He thought that I was a girl!" Legolas whined in response to Tauriel's inquiry.
"Well, he fights like one!" Kili yelled from his refuge. Tauriel spun around and Kili realized, again too late, that this elf was actually a girl. He sighed and offered the highly offended elf children a deal:
"If you toss me my pants, I'll leave."
Tauriel considered this proposal, then picked up his pants to throw to him, when suddenly 3 frogs fell out and hopped away in separate directions. Kili's eyes went wide and his Jaw went slack at his terrible luck.
"Noooooooooooo!" he yelled and leapt out from behind his tree to chase the nearest escapee, not bothering to retrieve his pants from the elves.
Tauriel looked from the fleeing dwarf to the crumpled fabric in her hands and asked:
"Why would anyone keep frogs in their trousers?"
"He's a dwarf, why do they have to do anything?" Legolas answered, and that was where his hatred of dwarves began.
A/N: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I really hope that you thought that this was going to be a smut fic, I really do.