Author's notes - A huge thank you to FIshbone76 over on Deviant Art. Her 'not always a paragon' picture was the inspiration behind this short story. As she has two more, 'Heheheee' and 'troublemaker', I intend to write at least two more short chapters of this.

Also, it goes without saying: Mass Effect, all characters and trademarks belong to Bioware. The art that inspired me belongs to Fishbone76, and the story is from my brain places.

Enjoy!

On the SSV Normandy SR2, something was amiss. No one really knew for sure whom had hung it on the wall, but in the mess hall, there hung a mug shot of Commander Shepard. In the shot, her lip was busted, cheeks flushed, and nose bloody, with a look on her face of mild amusement.

It had shocked Specialist Traynor the first time she had seen it, as the crew had made their push to Surkesh, to retrieve the Krogan females. She had dropped her coffee in shock, causing a few eyes to dart to her, then to follow her gaze to the picture on the wall. Murmurs had started in the crowd, growing to full whispers before long.

"What did she do?" a crewman asked, scratching the back of his head. Another shot him a look.

"No idea. We should ask Garrus." She indicated over her shoulder, towards the gun battery. "If the Commander ever did anything of note, the Turian would know." Samantha was already striding down the deck, in the same fashion Shepard did on her rounds. Knocking curtly on the door to the gun battery, the Turian called out.

"Shepard, I told you to come back later…" the door opened, and the Turian found himself faced with the shorter human. "Specialist, what can I do for you?" Garrus chucked, noticing the crowd in the mess. "What did joker put on the wall this week? Instructions on how to build your own reaper in 10 steps?" Samantha just looked at the Turian, blinking, before realizing why she had come.

"Sir," She saluted. Technically, the Turian was not her superior, but he held more respect than almost everyone else on the crew deck. "Shepard…" She couldn't get the rest of the sentence out. Chortling to himself, Garrus moved with haste to the mess hall, parting the crowd as he went. On seeing the picture, he laughed.

"I… I remember… this!" He managed to get out between laughs. Several crew members moved to give the old bird some room. A can of something cold was thrust into the Turian's hand.

"Tell us. Please, sir." Garrus chuckled once more, popping the top on the beer in his hand, after checking that it was a Dextro friendly drink. Taking a large mouthful, he lowered his head down.

"Ok, but you didn't hear it from me." His mandibles twitched, the Turian equivalent of a smile. "It was about 8 months ago. Around the time the Commander woke up for Cerberus, you see…"

Unseen to Garrus, or the group, Commander Shepard stood quietly as she listened to the story unfolding, her thoughts slipping into the past.

* 8 months prior *

Commander Shepard had just finished her meeting with the Council. Thanks to minor machinations of Councillor Anderson, her Spectre status had been upheld, and she was still on the employ. Anderson had encouraged her to let off a bit of steam, slipping her a credit chit. She glanced behind her at her companions. The Krogan looked down at the small human, while the bald tattooed woman was staring out over the presidium. Should have brought Garrus, she mused, rubbing the back of her head, if only his face wasn't still plastered on with a patch. Mind, Jack was better than her other options. The Salarian would talk her ear off, Jacob and Miranda were in the bosses pocket, and also wanted as 'associated terrorists', and she didn't trust Zaeed beyond his pay-check.

Grunt was no Wrex, she mused, walking the Presidium. He was young, impulsive, rough, and crazy. Chuckling inward, she realized the exact same thing could be said about Jack. Sighing outwardly, she raised her omni-tool, and pressed a button to open a com to the ship.

"Shepard to Normand." She waited, but EDI was answering before her breath was finished.

"Yes Commander Shepard?" the AI still gave Shepard the chills. Pushing that thought down, she forced a smile onto her face.

"Inform the crew we will be staying at the Citadel overnight. All hands to be at their stations by 1030 hours, or they are going to be left behind." She smiled. Shore leave wasn't really due, but with the mission she knew was in front of them, they could have it anyway.

"Understood, Commander. I will inform the crew of their Liberty. Did you need anything else, Commander?" Shepard smiled.

"No, EDI. Just, hold my messages until I return." She closed the coms, turning to her companions. "You heard me. Shore leave. Liberty. Rest and Relaxation. I don't want to see you until tomorrow. Scoot!" She yelled the last word, but the effect was as she required. Grunt sauntered off at full speed towards the nearest food stand; Jack, glowing with Biotics, jumped the railing, and lowered herself down to the level below.

Smiling once more, Shepard headed towards the officers bar near the embassies. Maybe she could toast her good fortune with Anderson.

* Some hours later *

Pain. The first sensation Shepard felt was pain. Then spinning. Then cold. Why was the room spinning?

Shepard awoke with one hell of a headache. The sounds of yelling could be heard close by. Sighing, she pushed herself up, the blood rushing to her head. Oh god, she thought, moving to the latrine on the wall, and vomiting every colour of the rainbow. Glancing around the room, she noticed she was in a cell of some kind. The sign on the wall read 'Citadel Security Services, Silversun Strip.' Sitting back, she pushed herself against the wall, and closed her eyes, trying to remember last night.

Ryncol. She remembered the Ryncol. How could she do that again? Every time she drank that swill, it knocked her flat. But then again, nothing ELSE gives you a buzz, does it? She mused inwardly, a small smile creeping onto her lips. She pulled her knees up, and rested her head on them, realizing how tender parts of her face felt. Gently patting down her cheeks, lips and nose, she realized she was bruised, but without a mirror to check, she had no idea of the severity of the injuries. The other guy probably has it 10 times worse, she mused once more.

So, Ryncol and a fight. Doesn't sound very different from her last Liberty. She moved her hand to the back of her neck, scratching it the absently minded way she did. The tag on her shirt didn't feel right. She opened her eyes once more. Alliance fatigues. Hadn't I been in neutral fatigues yesterday? Fights, Ryncol, and needing to chance clothes. Oh crap, she panicked for a fleeting second, I didn't sleep with anyone, did I? Liara would be pissed.

The thought of her Asari companion brought a new memory of the night to the forefront. A call. She had made a call to Liara, in the middle of her drunken evening. Closing her eyes hard, she tried to remember.

"Shepard?" the Asari had a shocked look on her face, wrapped in a night gown of a vivid emerald green. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Liara. Li-Li. Baby Blue! What are you doing? Why aren't you on shore leave with me?" Shepard slurred the words, taking another pull from her Ryncol.

"Shepard, are you drunk?" Liara was indignant.

"Hey. You is sexy when you're angry at me!" Shepard grinned, ear to ear, and lolled her head to the side a bit.

"Shepard, what do you want?" Liara was firm in her questioning, and the look on her face was anything but amused.

"You, angel! I want my Liara. Meet me at Citadel. Report for booty!" she laughed at her joke. Liara was anything but amused.

"Shepard. I am on Illium. I can't just 'Report for booty.' Good night." She ended the call. Drunk Shepard looked at the blank screen for a few minutes, sobering up slightly. Liara was mad at her. Fine. She would go do something fun to forget, and make it up to her tomorrow.

Ryncol. Drunk booty calling. A fight. Someone else's clothes. WHY was she in someone else's clothes? She closed her eyes once more, trying hard to remember. Unfortunately, the sound of buzzing was the only thing that filled her brain.

Half an hour later, two sets of footsteps could be heard approaching her cell. A C-sec officer, leading a woman in Alliance Blue. A woman with dark, raven black hair, perfect features, and a smug look on her face. The C-sec officer waved his omni-tool over the locks, and opened the door.

"Spectre Shepard. We are releasing you into the custody of Lieutenant Lawson. You will be returned to your ship. Ambassador Anderson has posted your bail. And I am sure you understand, the fine of your file for public nudity and swimming in the Presidium lake will stand." He retrieved a small shoulder sack, still dripping, from a locker. Passing it to 'Lieutenant Lawson', he turned to leave.

Shepard pushed herself up from the floor, and hung her head in shame. She couldn't bring herself to look Miranda in the eye. Once she was sure the C-sec officer was out of ear range, she asked.

"How…" She didn't have to finish. The Cerberus officer already knew the question.

"I am very good at what I do, Commander. We had best leave. The Normandy is waiting." Nodding, but not bringing her face up, Shepard followed Miranda to the taxi.

Once they were in the air, Miranda placed the skycar on autopilot, and moved into the back area, unbuttoning her jacket, revealing her jumpsuit underneath. She reached under the chair, and removed a small medpack.

"Did you enjoy your Liberty, Commander?" she asked, as she applied the Medigel to the Commanders face. For her part, Shepard did not answer, but if possible, she hung her head even lower. "Don't worry, Commander. We kept the news of your incarceration from most of the crew. Ms Chambers is also very good at her job. She did say there was a message for you from Illium, marked 'urgent'. When we return to the Normandy, you can take it in your quarters." Shepard finally looked up.

"Thank you." She spoke, and finally smiled. "And Miranda. Not a word of this to anyone."

* The present *

Shepard's thoughts snapped back to the present. The memories of that night were still hazy, but she remembered the bulk of it. Still, what Garrus added next made her realized that not everything from that night was known to her.

"So then Shepard and Miranda walked down the main ramp of the CIC. Instructing Joker to take the ship to Horizon, and retreating to her quarters on the main deck. She didn't come out until we were in orbit, and her face was all patched up, and she glared at anyone that asked what had happened." Garrus chuckled once more.

"Mind you, I pulled a few strings from an old C-sec buddy, and got the whole story. Shepard had blown off Jack and Grunt, heading to the bar. After a few hours, and not hitting a buzz, she order Ryncol. Of course, an 'officers' bar wouldn't have the stuff, so she headed down to the Silversun Strip. She got into a fight with a Batarian over her 'right' to be there, and then a headbutt competition with a Krogan, before she called Liara. After the call, she had run out of the bar, dove head first into the Presidium lake, and was found there an hour later, stark naked, and yelling at the Mass Relay monument that this was all 'its fault'. C-sec arrested her, and when she didn't report for the 1030 departure marker, Miranda and EDI scanned and found her."

Garrus leaned back in his chair, finishing off the beer in his hands, and tossing the can over the crowd. Mock shooting it as it arced, he heard it clatter perfectly in to the bin behind them.

"A few weeks later, I get a call from Liara. She asked me what had caused Shepard had purchase her 400 pairs of shoes?" Chuckling, he poised his finger tips together, his mandibles twitching in delight. "17,500 credits worth of shoes!" He exclaimed to the stunned gathering. "I asked her why Shepard hadn't bought me that new sniper mod I wanted, but Liara just chuckled, and turned a very dark shade of purple." Garrus straightened, as he heard a groan from behind him. He knew that sound. Shepard had heard the story. Realizing that he was going to pay for this later, Garrus moved to wrap the story up.

"And that, is the story of Commander Shepard's mug shot."

Standing from the shadows, next to the elevator, Commander Shepard hung her head in shame once more. So, THAT was what Liara had meant when she asked Shepard if she had a 'foot fetish'? Sighing inwardly, she chuckled, and rounded the corner. The group at a whole moved to act very nonchalant, as she stopped and admired the mug shot on the wall.

"Heh. The other guy must really have looked a mess." She spoke aloud, the rest of the room losing it to soft giggles. Inwardly, however, I headbutted a Krogan. I guess I was lucky to get away with a nose at all. Turning to the group at hand, she addressed them, her 'Commander' voice coming through. "Alright, back to work." She turned to Garrus, the Turian shrinking from her gaze, "Don't you have calibrations to attend to?" She emphasized the word. Garrus chuckled a bit.

"Yes, Commander." He stood, and moved towards the gun battery. Inwardly, he sighed. Shepards going to make me pay for that story. A small twitch of the Turian's mandables, a indication of a smile, was the only outward expression he had before the door to the battery closed behind him. Asking the room, more than anyone in particular, his question echoed off the chambers walls "I wonder who posted the picture."

AN: Let me know what you all think. I would love to post some more, but if this doesn't get any feedback, I'll just call it a single oneshot, and close it here.

Please Read and Review. It may not physically give anything, but the self esteem boost helps!