It started with a kiss. A fiery, passionate, breath-stealing kiss broke the tension, but created so many cracks. So many fissures and doubts and uncertainty rose because of that one kiss.
Was he good enough?
He'd done so many things. So many terrible things. Would he run away?
What if they were too broken to last?
What if he left him forever?
Was it all a game?
Is he being used?
What if he isn't enough?
Dean didn't know the answers to any of those questions. He had no fucking idea, and each time they kissed, those questions reappeared, lurking in the back of his mind. He began to shy away from the relationship. Cut himself off from contact with Castiel and even went as far as to break up with him, try and sever the bond they shared.
When Castiel finally confronted him on his behavior, all Dean could do was apologize and ask to be taken back. He found he couldn't possibly leave Castiel on his own, human as he was. The former angel asked again one night, after they had laid in bed for far too long without actually sleeping.
He didn't get a response.
Dean didn't know, but Castiel had doubts too. What if Dean decided that swallowing thousands of souls wasn't something he could come back from, even though they had all been expelled? What if Dean didn't love him back? What if Dean thought what they had wasn't real, wasn't love?
Because it was. Castiel loved Dean with all his being. Every speck, every atom of his Grace and soul loved Dean with a passion so bright he outshone the stars.
He was a fallen angel and what his sister Anna had said about experiencing emotions was so entirely true. He felt so many things, but the one reason he fell, the single reason, was so he could be with Dean Winchester.
So when he figures out that Dean has so many doubts about them, he doesn't do much. Not yet. He doesn't even have any specifics. He just knows that Dean is unsure. He is afraid. So terribly afraid he might get crushed once more.
He tries showing his love more. Kissing him more firmly. Touching him more often.
It only serves to make Dean more anxious than he already was.
They're outside on a blanket under the stars. There isn't a field to lay in so they're on Bobby's roof. Castiel rolls over so he's on his side and he props his arm up, head on his wrist, looking down at Dean, studying his eyes and his freckles and his lips. Dean blinks up at him and asks, "What are you doing, Cas?"
"Looking at you. That's all. You're beautiful." Dean blushes and pointedly looks up at the stars again. The summer wind blows over them and ruffles their clothes and hair.
"Dean," he starts, thinking over his question for a tad too long. Dean nudges his elbow to get him to finish his question. "Do you doubt me?"
"No, of course not." He huffs back and cups Castiel's face, brushing his thumb under his eye. It's entirely intimate and Castiel knows that Dean wants to love him, he's just afraid of doing it. His heart thuds in his chest and he's never felt more alive. With Dean here, everything is so much brighter. He just hopes that it is the same with Dean.
"Do you love me, Dean Winchester?" The hand falls away and Dean shifts so he's mirroring Castiel's position.
"You know the answer." But that is the problem. Dean's staring so intently at Castiel that he believes that Dean loves him. But he wants to hear it. He doesn't know the answer. Not in words. Castiel's brows bunch up in confusion.
"What do you want from me, Cas?" He whispers after a few minutes pass. His tone is so broken and Castiel cannot take it. How can he fix this?
"Dean." Castiel starts, pushing Dean onto his back so he can roll on top of him. He's staring into eyes so green. Their lips are barely touching. Dean rolls them both over again, so he's leaning above him now. Their legs are tangled together.
Castiel smiles. "I can give you so many things, Dean Winchester." The hunter smiles back and plays along.
"What does that entail, hmm?" The words are through kisses. Soft and sweet kisses that are pressed to Castiel's chapped lips. He still hasn't got the hang of chapstick yet and he's got a nasty habit of licking his lips, but what else can he do when there's such a yummy hunter near him all the time?
"I can give you love that lasts forever." Castiel wraps his arms around his lover's neck and grins into the next kiss that follows. "I can give you a promise. A promise to be here whenever you need me. Whenever you call me, I'll be there."
"That's a song, you know." Dean whispers. Castiel laughs and they're both grinning at each other.
He keeps one hand buried in Dean's soft brown hair and places the other over his heart. His human heart. "This is yours too. I gave it to you so long ago, Mr. Winchester."
Dean blinks. His eyes are shining. He doesn't respond, but that's okay.
"I'll walk with you when you need some quiet. I'll hold your hand. I'll do whatever you ask me, Dean Winchester, because I love you. We share a bond that not many others experience. You are special to me, Dean. Please do not forget that."
Dean's whole body is pressed to his now. Dean's shaking ever so slightly and Castiel can feel something wet against his neck. He hugs the man closer to him. They lay there, intertwined underneath the stars for precisely four more minutes before Dean sits back up, still leaning over Castiel. He's smiling now and there's a twinkle in his eye. Before he can ask the question that's so obviously on his lips, Castiel continues, leaning up and kissing him once on the corner of his mouth.
"If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, you'll be glad to know my demands are small."
"How generous of you." He smirks and presses another kiss to Castiel's forehead.
"Say it's me you love, adore, for now and evermore. That's all." Dean laughs at the rhyme, but his heart is open and all those fears and doubts that were always at the back of his mind are gone. They're gone and Castiel can see that, plain as day.
"I love you, Castiel." He says into another kiss. It's whispered and the kiss is deep and passionate. It's almost exactly like the one that started the entire relationship. Only this time, instead of doubt and uncertainty, the only thing Dean can feel is the warmth of Castiel's arms around him and the flutter of nervous butterflies in his stomach.
He so very much loves Castiel and he's glad he's finally said it. He doesn't much mind these chick flick moments anymore. Not when they're with Castiel.
"That is all I wanted to hear."
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