"I really hate it when I can't hold your hand," Phil admits to Dan as they are getting ready to leave the door of their flat.
"Ah, I know. It sucks. But, you know, we wouldn't want to be spotted," Dan says tiredly, as they've had this conversation so many times before.
"I wish we could stop hiding," Phil said, voice as tired as Dan's. It is as though they were following a script each time this happened. They knew what the other was going to say.
"Phil. I'm not ready," Dan says, sternly, looking into Phil's eyes.
"Right, I know, I know. I just wish," Phil says resignedly. There is a pause where they are both just standing there in front of the door, with their eyes meeting. Phil's ocean blue eyes are laden with sadness. Dan takes Phil's hand in his and brings it to his lips. He gently presses a kiss there, letting it linger for a moment. He lets go and raises his head up, and looks back at Phil.
"I'd love to hold your hand always, Phil, you know? It's just..." Dan lets his sentence trail off, his gaze averting away from Phil's stare.
"I know, Dan. You don't have to explain it anymore," Phil says. This time it's Phil who takes Dan's hand. Phil spreads Dan's fingers out to where their hands are flat against one another. Pale against tan. Phil, then, curls their fingers together so that their intertwined. Phil's veins become even more prominent. They're gazes never waver from each other's. Finally, Dan bites his lips, and his eyes shift downwards, away from Phil. Dan lets go.
"Phil, you're killing me here," Dan says through bitten lips where a half-smile is formed. Yearn is evident in his voice.
"Can we maybe just not go to the radio show?" Phil asks, taking Dan's hands back into his, playfully swinging their arms back and forth.
"Yeah, Phil. We can just lose our job – the best opportunity we've ever been provided with, mind you – just 'cause we're horny," Dan laughs, with an added eye roll. Phil lets go of Dan's hands at that.
"It's more than just... sexual desire, Dan. I mean, that's there too," he says, a sly smile on his face. "But, mostly, I want to hold your hand. I want to walk out of this door holding your hand. I want to unashamedly grab hold of your waist and kiss you right in front of everybody," Phil explains.
"You see, I'm happy, though, with no one else knowing. I like being with you here, in our home. Just you and me. It's more intense that way," Dan says, trying to convey his feelings to Phil.
"Fine. I understand," Phil says, finally, though it is obvious he isn't happy about how Dan feels. He accepts it, however. "Okay, just... give me one more minute before we have to leave?" Phil suggests. Dan nods.
Phil leans forward, resting his forehead against Dan's. Smiles are etched into both their faces. Phil reaches for Dan's hands, again, and they just stand there in front of the door. Sharing breaths and holding hands. Phil takes his thumb and rubs Dan's palm in a circular path. His fingernail grazes along Dan's skin. Dan shivers at the sensation.
They both break away at the same time. Sighs leave both of them.
"Okay. Well, we need to go now," Dan says, regretfully.
"Yup," Phil responds.
Phil reaches for Dan's hand, again. He let's go of it after only one second, and they both walk out the door.