YOS.1

Hi, I'm CrescentMoonTenshi, but I just go by Crescent T. I've been on FanFiction three years now, but this is my first time writing D. Gray-Man. Is it fair to say that I don't think I'll disappoint? XD

Warnings: Slight Yullen. I am writing more about Allen, but no Yullen fangirl can resist putting Kanda somewhere in their story. XD

*Mana's date of death is not certain, so I'm going to say that Allen mourns for him on his birthday, since that's the day Mana adopted him. K?

Chapter Name: Jibun o han'ei

Normal POV

The Black Order was in a rush, with people scurrying around the large structure carrying boxes of tinsel and ornaments. They were only a few days away from Christmas, and there were still a few decorations left to be hung in the halls (boughs of holly, if you catch my drift), cafeteria (snowflakes hanging from the ceiling to make a winter wonderland), and around the work offices to give the employees a little more cheer.

All of them knew that they couldn't go home to see their families... being cheerful at home was the best they could do as Exorcists.

However, there were a few Exorcists who refused to participate in any festivities whatsoever. Among them were Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker. Their friends, Lenalee Lee and Lavi Bookman Jr., understood that Kanda was a heartless ice demon and could not possibly comprehend the warm feelings of love during Christmas. It was Allen Walker they were worried about.

The whitette never seemed so depressed.

Allen Walker, known for his bottomless pit of a stomach, had hardly touched any food at all over the week, worrying all of his friends and Jerryy. He never seemed to be paying attention, his eyes distant and long gone, reflecting a type of pain that many did not understand. Those chromium pools swirled with something akin to defeat and deep thought. Allen also seemed to be sighing often, letting out puffs of air through those lips that made his shoulders slump.

The teen had plastered a smile on his face whenever his friends asked what was wrong. Lenalee and once taken an ice cold cola and touched it against his cheek before handing it to him and smiling. "They say that if you keep sighing, you'll sigh away all of your happiness." She had warned gently.

Allen had given her his most bitter sweet and weary smile, coming close to revealing what was bothering him. If it weren't for the interruption a Finder had made asking Lenalee for advice on a decoration, everyone would know what was going on.

The teen had retreated to his room after that, hiding away until Christmas was, hopefully, over. Allen quickly stepped out of his uniform and into a dark pair of slacks and a black, form-fitting tee. The shirt had a deep v-neck, and short sleeves that allowed him to move around freely. His hair was also tied in a low ponytail at the nape of his neck, the bangs framing his face remaining free. He sat on the window seat in his room, leaning his head against the cool glass as he watched the scenery below him. One knee was propped up and an arm slung over it, his eyes going half lidded.

He had always wondered why Mana had decided to take him in from that circus. He was beaten in front of the crowds of people because of his 'demon arm' for entertainment. What part of his ugly form had captured Mana's attention? Oh, he knew he had changed now, and so he valued himself a bit more, but back then, he remembered, he had had one of the vilest tongues and dirty language. "Red" had been a street urchin, picking up his native tongue from around the London streets of poverty. It was no surprise that a few words that children should not know were mixed up in there.

Allen sighed wistfully, the small puff of air fogging the cold glass. It had not snowed yet outside, only rained, and for his own comfort, he had left the lights off.

Timcanpy fluttered his wings noisily in the corner, remaining a source of comfort to his charge. Allen turned his head to the big golden ball and smiled once reassuringly before turning back to the window.

Oh, he remembered. He knew he had gone through something of a personality change when Mana died, and he knew full well that it was the Fourteenth inside of him. His adoptive Uncle Neah, that is, if he wanted to consider himself Mana's adoptive son, was slowly changing him into a new person. It made him wonder if he was being who he was supposed to be, or if he was under the Fourteenth's control the whole time.

Lightening flashed in the sky, and for a moment, in the blue light reflecting off of the window's glass, he could see the Fourteenth standing behind him.

Allen avoided the man's stare calmly and returned to his thoughts.

Were his decisions his own? Or were they Neah's? Was he walking the path he carved for himself? Or was he walking the one Neah had prepared for him? These questions, and many others, lurked inside his heart, slowly constricting it with fear whenever a fork in the road appeared before him.

Allen let out a small, pained chuckle at his own thoughts.

Really, he knew he shouldn't be moping around during the bright Christmas and worrying everyone. He knew that this was not walking forward.

But it didn't matter right now.

All that mattered was the fact that the birthday Mana had given him was sneaking up on him. He would finally be another year older. Another year of fighting was still ahead. However, there was that little ray hope that the war would end this year, and that the Fourteenth would leave him alone.

Still however, that coined the question; would he still be the same after the Fourteenth disappeared? Would he ever disappear?

Allen smiled bitterly as the rain that pattered against his window calmed and became a gentle snowfall. It was less than five minutes later that he heard a roar of cheers coming from below.

They had been hoping for a white Christmas.

Allen opened his window, sticking a hand out to catch the snowflakes falling from the sky. The crystallized water only took a moment to melt away, even with his obsidian colored hand. It kinda reminded him of his moments with Mana.

Short, sweet, and then gone, but always remembered.

"We need to talk to Komui." Lavi stated, passing through the entrance to his office with Lenalee, even though Reever warned them that he had fallen asleep.

"It's okay." Lenalee reassured him, holding up her tray of coffee. "I'll help him stay awake so he can listen."

Reever's lips thinned into a line as he thought. They had been up late for the past few days rushing to finish all of their work before Christmas came along, and had finally finished only an hour ago. Everyone was knocked out across their desks, on the floor, on the couch; it really didn't matter, as long as they could sleep.

Reever was the last to sleep, throwing blankets over his subordinates and removing the goggles and glasses that were still on their faces. He was about to go into Komui's office and toss one on him when both Lavi and Lenalee came in with worried expressions, demanding to talk to their Supervisor.

The captain let them through, but stayed in the room, warning the teens not to take too long.

"We won't~!" Lavi sang cheerfully, bouncing over to their supervisor. He took in a large breath and yelled for the man to wake up, watching as he shot up like a scared feline and released a girly shriek.

"Lavi-kun~," The man complained, collapsing back onto his desk. "Why are you screaming at me?"

Lenalee took this as a chance to step forward and place the cup of coffee in front of his nose. "Nii-san, we have a problem."

At the sound of his dear sister's voice, the man straightened up and went in for the hug. "Lenalee-chan~!" He cried, stretching his arms out wide for her.

The girl stepped aside, avoiding her older brother with a huff. "Nii-san," She began in a hard tone. "Be more serious please! We think Allen's in trouble!"

"The Moyashi's in trouble?" Kanda suddenly ducked under Reever's arm attempting to keep him from entering the room, a stack of papers in his arms. He strolled up to Komui's cluttered desk, his gait smooth and swift. "Che," The samurai scoffed. "Who the hell gives a damn?"

Lenalee turned around, her hands on her hips. "We do! It's Allen we're talking about! Allen!" She emphasized his name as though it explained everything. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed anything different about him lately!"

Kanda's brows furrowed a bit as he took a breath in through his teeth, making a 'twhoo' sound. "Come to think of it, the idiot hasn't been pushing me out of the way in line when I try to order soba." He grunted. "These are the last mission's reports by the way." Kanda explained, pointing to the large stack of papers. Komui deflated.

"Woah," Lavi's eyes widened in awe as he stared at the dark haired teen. "Yuu actually noticed something! He does care!"

"Shut the hell up, baka usagi!" Kanda smacked the idiot upside the head.

Lavi put his hands to his head. "Ow! You're being violent, Yuu!" The redhead exclaimed.

Kanda's aura immediately darkened even further and he glared holes through Lavi. Slowly, threateningly, he unsheathed Mugen and put the black blade to the rabbit's throat. "Don't you ever let me hear you call me by my first name," He said the two words in English, "Or I'll cut your tongue out and gut you."

Lenalee suddenly pushed the two apart. "Okay! No fighting! Geez, Kanda, are you just taking all of your pent up anger on Lavi instead of Allen-kun?"

The two tumbled away from each other. "Who the hell cares about that damn Moyashi? Not me."

Lenalee pursed her lips disapprovingly at Kanda as he sulked and turned to her older brother. "Nii-san, we just want to know what's wrong with Allen. We figured you would know since you're not breaking his door down for information."

Komui straightened up, his demeanor becoming serious. He avoided all of their eyes as he complemented Allen's current situation. He knew for a fact that it was that person he was mourning right now. The violette just didn't know if he should explain. It was looking into the three pairs of stormy eyes that changed his mind.

Komui sighed. "Allen is... in a mourning period right now." He explained briefly. "It's best to just leave him alone for now."

"Mourning? The Moyashi?" Surprisingly, it was Kanda who echoed the question in their minds.

"Who passed?" Lavi questioned bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest and shifting his weight onto one leg.

Lenalee made a disapproving sound in the back of her throat and glared at the fiery redhead, watching as he shot her an apologetic glance and then sweatdropped.

Komui pursed his lips. "It's not really my place to say," he began. "If you really want to know, you'll have to ask him yourself." The chief answered seriously, his tone firm.

Lenalee frowned as her brows furrowed. She knew there were no more answers here. She sighed. "Let's go, Lavi-kun." She turned on her heel and left the room, Lavi trailing behind her.

Kanda stayed behind to discuss the reports.

The next evening was Christmas Eve, and Allen's mood seemed to have plummeted even further downhill. In fact, he was skipping his meals and rarely leaving his room. It frustrated Howard Link, who had to stand by at his door like an idiot to complete his orders.

The blonde had tried several times to coax the teen out of his room to at least eat, but it was in vain.

When the whitette finally left his room, the sun was kissing the hillsides goodbye.

Link followed him like a silent shadow. He had been waiting for a chance to demand why the teen was behaving strangely, but having seen his face, the blonde frowned and remained silent.

Their destination was, surprisingly, the training room.

Link took the chance to speak. "Why come here, Walker?" He knew it wasn't unusual for him to come to the training room, but considering his recent attitude...

Allen glanced at him over his shoulder. "I thought it'd be great to have something to do to take my mind off some things, is all." He replied smoothly.

The shadow took to the benches to watch as Allen began his usual routine. The whitette stood in the midst of wooden poles with arms that stuck out dangerously. Each time he hit one, the pole would revolve and he'd have another attack to block or evade.

Then there was the body strengthening; basic workouts that activated the muscles in the key points of his body, such as the core, arms, and legs.

His shadow watched with bored eyes until there was a break in routine. Allen was walking over to where giant bouncy balls were grouped in a corner, most likely used for stretches. The blonde had noticed how the teen had been eyeing the balls all of his practice.

Allen suddenly rolled one out into the center of the training room, which was open space. He then took a smaller, second ball and stacked it on top, holding it in place. The teen reached into his pockets and pulled out, surprisingly, beanbag balls. Link stared.

The whitette suddenly jumped up, expertly landing on the balls with one leg and balancing as the balls rolled around. The teen took a moment or two of balancing crookedly before plastering a grin on his face and beginning to juggle the beanbag balls with one hand, and then switching to both hands.

Link's eyebrows could not rise any higher.

Suddenly, the beanbag balls were tucked back into his pockets, and the teen jumped into the air, flipped, and landed on the balls with one hand, his other stretched out away from his body.

"What the fuck?!" Came an exclamation, and Link looked over to the training room's entrance, finding one Kanda Yuu and Lavi Bookman Jr. in the doorway.

Allen suddenly lost his concentration and the smaller ball rolled off of the bigger one, taking Allen with it. There was a quiet yelp and a loud 'thud' as his body flopped onto the floor. Link winced at the sickening crack he heard as Allen's head made contact with the hardwood flooring.

"Allen!" Lavi exclaimed, concerned when the whitette did not get back up. He rushed forward, and Kanda followed at a slower pace.

"Are you alright?" Link asked as he crouched over his splayed form.

Allen pursed his lips. "I think I hit my head too hard. Kanda has red hair and Lavi has four eyes. Haha, Link, you have four spots!" He chuckled weakly.

The three of them looked at each other in concern.

"You think he should visit the infirmary?" Lavi cocked his head to the side as he helped his junior up.

"Let's give it a little time. If he feels the same later, I'll take him." Link replied, grabbing the teen's other arm and hauling him up.

"What were you doing anyway?" Kanda crossed his arms over his chest, as though he was unhappy about being dragged into this mess. "Yoga?" He bit sarcastically.

Allen kept his head in his hands and eyes screwed shut. "Just practicing," He replied, massaging his scalp. Then he added quietly, "Mana said not to get rusty. He thought it would come in handy if I was ever travelling alone and needed money." He mumbled absentmindedly.

Link's eyes widened. As his shadow, he had gone directly to Komui and pulled Allen's file, reading what he could on the teen's past and his recent activities. Komui had filled in the rest; bits and pieces of memories Allen had shared with him.

The blonde slapped his forehead. "How did I possibly forget?" He groaned, hanging his head in shame.

Lavi turned his curious eyes to the shadow. "Forget what?"

Link twisted his body to face the teen on the bench. "Tomorrow... it's your birthday, isn't it, Walker?"

Allen slowly lifted his head and turned it to his right, where Link was sitting. He nodded once, sighing tiredly and closing his eyes.

"No way," Lavi exclaimed. "Your birthday is tomorrow, Allen?! Why didn't you tell anyone?"

The whitette felt his throat constrict and a lump form inside.

"It's the birthday Mana Walker, elder brother of the Fourteenth, gave to him. The day Mana Walker took him in off the streets." Link said slowly, examining the teen before him for any reactions.

Allen shot up off the bench, body tense, as though he was going to punch the wall behind him. Lavi and Kanda jumped away on instinct. Then pain flashed through his face and he abruptly sat back down, nerves singing. He sighed and rubbed his knees, gripping the material of his pants once before standing again. The teen abruptly began pacing.

"Ha...haha..." Allen chuckled bitterly. "Can you believe it? Out of all the street urchins around him, he had to choose me. Me, the child who harbors the Fourteenth Noah inside of him. Isn't that crazy? This world is huge! How did it manage to happen that the Fourteenth would find Mana all over again? Haha..." Allen felt his chest constrict. "Not only that, but Mana was insane? Ha... haha... that's really funny, Master. There's no way someone would keep telling a dog to 'keep walking forward.' No way someone would spend all of their hard earned money to buy a dog clothing and a mitten to hide a disfigured arm."

Allen let out more chuckles. "I mean, even if you're insane you'd know the difference between treating a dog like a dog and treating a child like a child." He frowned. "Sure, Allen was the name of the dog Mana walked around with, but even he knew the dog was dead! I watched him prepare to bury him that day!" Allen ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I know all about it. I knew it was kinda weird that Mana suddenly started calling me 'Allen' instead of 'Red' like everyone else, but I brushed that aside. I didn't want to go by 'Red' for the rest of my life anyway; that was the name of my past self."

Allen paused in his pacing. "Ha, why didn't I think it was weird when Master took me in after I made Mana into an akuma and killed him myself, that my entire personality changed? The Fourteenth's been inside of me since that time, slowly eating away at the person I was at birth and changing me into someone like Mana."

All three of the spectators watched with wide eyes as their friend, ally, and charge exploded, his bottled up emotions and thoughts erupting like an uncontrollable volcano.

"Isn't it weird that the language Mana taught me is-" Allen clamped his mouth shut with a hand and whirled to face Link. "Never mind, forget I said anything, please." Allen grimaced.

Link's eyes narrowed dangerously as he stepped forward. "What language, Walker?"

Allen stepped back as his shadow got closer, attempting to intimidate him with their difference in height.

"Fuck off, CROW." Kanda suddenly stepped in between them. Lavi watched as a blanket of tension dropped around all three of them. "Obviously, he doesn't want to talk."

"K-Kanda..." Allen muttered in surprise, an idea suddenly igniting in his mind. "Link, I was talking about Japanese. Mana taught me Japanese, since we hung around Japan after leaving England."

"Then why did you stop talking?" Link demanded, taking a step back but never letting his gaze slip away from Kanda's.

"I didn't want Kanda to know...?" The excuse seemed weak even to him, but he quickly mended it. "Because I never told him why I knew what 'Moyashi' meant, even though he's always badgering me about it."

Link eyed them both suspiciously. "As far as I knew, Sister-Complex, Lenalee, and I were the only Asians in the branch that could understand Chinese and Japanese. Imagine my surprise when a weak looking Moyashi like him knew that I was calling him a 'bean sprout.'"

The blonde considered this and cocked his head to the side, nodding his head in approval. It wasn't that he believed their story, it was just that it was quite plausible and... he could feel his heartstrings being tugged. Even though he knew it was his duty to report any changes in Walker, this was a more... private matter.

Link stepped back with a gentle smile. "Alright," he surrendered.

Allen sighed deeply.

"Way to help out, Baka Usagi." Kanda bit out sarcastically.

Lavi raised his brows and pointed to himself. "Observer, remember? It's kinda hard to break out of habit."

Kanda and Allen rolled their eyes in sync. "Thanks, Kanda, I owe you one." He murmured quietly as Link returned to his spot on the benches. "By the way, what are you two doing here?"

Kanda crossed his arms. "Che." He scoffed, suddenly remembering his reason for coming. "I came to do my usual training. That Baka Usagi over there decided to tag along because he's annoying and no one actually likes him."

Lavi felt a stab of pain in his heart and let a hand flutter dramatically to his chest. "Ouch, Yuu, you're killing me over here!"

Allen hurriedly stepped in before the samurai could whip out Mugen and kill the redhead. "Well, don't let us stop you! Hahaha..." he trailed off nervously. "I'll just take Lavi over here to the other side of the training hall and try a little light sparring or something... get him out of your hair, you know?" Allen grabbed Lavi's arm and was already dragging the guy away as Kanda silently fumed.

When they were a safe distance away, Allen sighed in relief. "The concern for your own safety..." The whitette stared at his friend with disbelief. "You lost it a long time ago, I think." Lavi grinned sheepishly in response.

And with that, the two boys began sparring.

Needless to say, Allen was feeling much more cheerful by the time he and Lavi were finished. Both Exorcists were evenly matched when it came to reflexes, and their sparring had been more of a skin only fight.

It was when Lavi stopped all of a sudden and grinned devilishly that Allen paused in his attack. "What's up?"

The fiery redhead turned his bright green eyed stare to his partner. "Say, Allen? Have you ever meditated before?"

Chromium eyes widened at the implications. "Ohhh NO. Nope, nope, nope! I am not going in there!" Allen very nearly wailed in despair. "Lavi, unlike you, I want to live another day!"

Of course, it was too late. The scheming redhead had already grasped his arm and was dragging him over to where he had seen Kanda disappear to. "Oh c'mon, don't be a wimp. What? Are you afraid of sitting quietly next to Yu?"

Allen crinkled his nose as though he had just smelt something foul. "No, of course not. I've just never been one to sit quietly for so long."

Lavi slid open the shoji door that led to the room Kanda usually meditated in for a few hours. It had been constructed like a Japanese room just for him and Lenalee. Komui knew the first would put it to better use than the latter, but it helped anyway since he didn't want his Lenalee spending so much time with the samurai.

One slate colored eye cracked open to analyze the newcomers and immediately a vein popped in the owner's forehead. "What are you doing here?" He demanded calmly.

"Oh nothing," Lavi sang. "Just thought we should meditate with you once in a while, is all."

Kanda took in a deep breath, knowing that the rabbit had quoted Lenalee when "Adolf Hitler" had first arrived. He wanted to whack him in the head for it.

Allen admired the styled room that was covered in gorgeous reds and oranges and yellows. His eyes finally found the one wall that was covered in mirrors for posture amendment purposes, and flinched.

He barely bit back a gasp as the Fourteenth stood behind him in and Lavi in the doorway from what he could see in the reflection. Allen discreetly turned his head to look over his shoulder as Lavi bickered with Kanda, found nothing, and then turned back to the mirror. He was still there in that strange, scribbled in form.

The teen walked forward, mesmerized. That's twice in one week... he thought absentmindedly, igniting a worry that the Noah was getting stronger. It wasn't the first time he had appeared in a reflected surface, but the first time he had shown himself more than once a month or so.

That guise... it's really creepy you know? It makes me remember how I almost died by the hands of Tykki Mikk and visited that realm. Allen glided over to the mirror swiftly, putting a hand to the reflective glass. He watched as the Noah did so too, grinning devilishly at him.

Would you rather see me as your Uncle Neah? The reflection spoke.

Allen felt his heart stop as the voice echoed around the room, but neither Kanda nor Lavi reacted to it. Hesitantly, Allen pretended to meditate next to Kanda, who was in the middle. It would make it easier to talk, so yes...? He replied hesitantly, his demeanor shifting into a serious one. How are you talking to me outside of the Ark?

He watched as the reflection morphed into the dark skinned Neah Walker he knew. The person smiled somewhat cheerfully. When you weaken, I grow stronger, Allen. That is why you should eat and sleep properly. Watch your health.

Allen felt his heart roaring in his ears as he somewhat nervously continued making contact with the Noah.

Why are you talking to me? Come to taunt me?

Oddly enough, Neah had taken the spot on his right that was empty in the mirror. On his left was Kanda, and at the end was Lavi. He could also feel Link's presence outside of the door.

No, not really... or maybe you could think of it that way. I came to warn you.

About what?

Your time is running out, Allen. Soon enough, I will be strong enough to completely take control of our body. You will be chained inside of your own conscious, as I have been all these years, and will have to watch as your own body disobeys your will. Neah smiled, though his eyes shone with pity and his eyebrows crinkled almost worriedly.

Allen rested his head in his left hand, smiling crookedly. 'Our' body? This is my body, Neah. I will kill myself before you take over, and hopefully, we'll both return to Mana.

Neah leaned back and raised his brows. Really, now? I can't say I'm not surprised at your resolve. But... He smiled at Allen pitifully again. Mana never loved you, Allen. He loved me so much that he didn't know what to do without me and mistook you for his dead dog.

Allen couldn't help the hitch in his breath as he gasped and shot up in pure rage, startling his friends. "That's not true!"He roared, shocking Kanda, Lavi, and Link as his fist flew and made contact with the mirror in front of him. The glass shattered under his fist, the crack immediately spreading like a spider web across the previously smooth surface.

"OI!" Kanda snapped.

Neah merely grinned, returning to his other form once more. He now showed up in all of the glass shards, as though Allen was looking at him through a kaleidoscope.

He laughed. How can you be so sure, Allen? What could Mana ever love in someone like you? The Fourteenth suddenly filled in the entire wall, leaning forward so that only his black face showed in the mirror. Allen very nearly fell to the floor trying to scramble away.

Remember Allen, your time is ticking.

With that, the Noah disappeared, leaving a shocked Lavi, Link, and an enraged Kanda behind to deal with Allen.

"What the fucking hell?!" Kanda demanded, taking a step towards the whitette.

Allen couldn't push any words of apology from his mouth instead watching in mild surprise as the ground rushed up to meet him.

He wavered in and out of the dream realm, hearing slurred voices, and then falling asleep again. In the dream world, he could hear Mana talking to him a soothing, hushed tone. Then he was suddenly reliving his memories.

Ah...He thought hazily. This nightmare again?

They were walking along the road, their clown show finally over. It was time to move onto the next city.

It was when they were crossing the street that Allen heard the familiar clicking of horse hooves on the road. Out of curiosity, he turned his head from where he was at Mana's side, leaning backwards to see behind his tall frame.

That carriage wasn't stopping.

Allen felt his blood freeze in his veins and the world hush into silence. His ears rang as Mana turned his head too late and quickly pushed his companion aside, taking the carriage unto himself.

"Allen!"

"Mana!" He cried, his voice cracking in sorrow and leaving him as he shot up.

He had been lying down in what looked like the infirmary. Komui was snoozing in a chair on his right, arms crossed and chin tucking into his chest.

Allen put a hand to his forehead. He had woken up before the dream ended. Usually, he would have to relive meeting the Earl and turning Mana into and akuma before his very eyes, no matter how much he fought his disobeying body. He chuckled bitterly, ripping the IV out of his arm and standing on shaky legs. From the window to his left, he could see that it was evening and still snowing. The whitette smiled and moved to the chair at the window, leaning his head on the cool glass and watching the white fluff slowly trail downwards.

And he began humming the song Mana left for him.

If Mana's telling me that accepting my role this way is walking forward, then I'll do it. If it's what Mana wants, I'll do it.

Komui woke soon after and gently scolded him for starving himself and worrying everyone. It was half-hearted because he could see that the silverette was back on his feet.

The Chief couldn't help the smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth.

"And," Komui finished. "Happy birthday, Allen-kun,"

The teen tilted his head to the side and smiled his sweetest, most angelic smile, taking Komui's breath away.

Maybe birthdays at home wouldn't be so bad anymore.

As festivities went on into the night, Allen watched from the corners and the walls, where the others didn't wander too much.

Once in a while, someone would come by and offer him a drink, and he'd take it, just to seem busy. As long as he had a glass in his hand, no one would have an excuse to approach him anymore.

The night wore on slowly, and soon enough he was able to escape while his drunken acquaintances partied on. He found himself in the quiet and empty training room again. The teen moved on autopilot, his mind far away as the familiar movements on body training calmed him.

Suddenly, a wooden pole came at him from his left, but he was too slow to react. Allen braced himself for the hit, screwing his eyes shut.

The pole very gently hit him in the temple, and Allen opened his eyes curiously.

There was Kanda with an annoyed expression, a hand on one of the other poles to slow down the hit.

"K-Kanda...?" Allen blinked, pushing the pole away from his face, even though his body told him not to move.

"Che." The samurai scoffed. "Why aren't you in the cafeteria using that disgusting appetite to wolf down the Christmas feast?"

Allen averted his gaze a bit uncomfortably. Kanda always made him feel like he did something wrong and was about to get reprimanded for it. "I... uh...,"

Kanda pursed his lips in annoyance as he watched the silverette flounder for an excuse. "Come on, Baka Moyashi," he demanded gruffly, turning away and sashaying towards the exit. Surprisingly, his hair was left to cascade over his shoulders and down his back. It swished sexily as he sauntered away from him, bringing attention to his ass. "Everyone's waiting for you."

Allen had to take a moment to grasp at whatever self control he had left and actually look up at the samurai. Dumbly, he managed a confused expression. "For me? Why?"

Kanda merely smirked, his electrifying slate eyes gleaming as though he could tell exactly what the bean sprout in front of him was thinking. He opened the doors and disappeared, leaving Allen with no answer.

As though he was hypnotized, Allen followed the enchanting samurai in curiosity and in attraction.

The teen found himself in the cafeteria a few moments later, barely having seen Kanda except for the tips of his hair as he turned corners. It was like a curtain of midnight blue silk was teasing him, taunting him, in a 'come hither' motion.

Strangely enough however, Allen found that the doors to the cafeteria were left closed instead of open as usual. Almost uncertainly, the teenager pushed the double doors open and stared in stunned confusion.

Suddenly, the cafeteria's lights were flicked on, and the room became brightly lit. Exclamations of 'surprise' and 'Merry Christmas' echoed all around him. He was certain he had even heard a 'happy birthday' somewhere in there.

Allen blinked to adjust his eyes to the bright lights and was stunned at what he saw.

He was positive everyone he knew was stuffed into the room, all of them grinning at him as he stared at them in open shock. Looking up, a silver banner was stretched tightly across the room, reading 'Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas, Allen Walker!' in blue script.

"Wha-What's all this?" He choked out almost breathlessly.

"Congratulations, Allen," Lenalee began cheerfully. She stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by several others. Exorcists, Scientists, Finders, and Cooks alike all stood in the room, for once participating in something equally. "Congrats on surviving another year!" Lenalee cheered.

"We hope that you'll continue lending us your powers in the battles that lie ahead." Komui grinned, standing behind her.

"And that you'll keep up your healthy appetite~!" Jerryy screamed from somewhere in the crowd. Chuckles rumbled through the group.

"That you'll always keep smiling," Lavi pitched in.

"That you'll always be our kind hero," Toma the Finder gently added.

"That you'll always be supporting us," Krory and Miranda chimed in cheerfully.

"That you'll keep being us coffee!" Came an exclamation from the scientists. "With Lenalee-chan!"

More chuckles.

"That you'll always come home." Came Kanda's quiet addition. His smoldering eyes and intense gaze locked with Allen's for but a moment before the group spoke again.

"And that you'll keep walking forward!" They all screeched at the top of their lungs happily.

Allen stood visibly erect, as though he had been electrocuted in his very spot. His eyes looked as though they were going to either roll into the back of his head or drop out of their sockets. Both out of shock. His mouth had long since dropped to the floor.

"You're going to catch flies, Baka Moyashi," Kanda said as his closest friends approached him.

"Wh-Why would you...?" His voice caught in his throat as he locked eyes with Lenalee and Lavi, whom he suspected were the culprits behind this fiasco.

Kanda rolled his eyes in annoyance and began to explain. "Obviously because they-" Lenalee cleared her throat loudly and sent him a glare. And to Allen's extreme surprise, Kanda actually flushed, a bright pink dusting his cheeks. "Well, because we..." He trailed off, crossing his arms and averting his gaze. His pride would not allow him to utter another word.

Lenalee rolled her eyes as though she was completely exasperated with Kanda's behavior. "We did it because we wanted you to cheer up, Allen." She said gently. "We all know how important your foster father was to you, but you can't keep letting the past push you down during this time of year. In fact, we should be sick of hearing you talk about him all the time during this month, instead of worriedly wondering when you're coming down to eat." Allen stared. "My point is, we just wish you would open up to us more and share your pain with us. We're your family now, Allen, and this is home. If you can't talk to us, then who else?" She stepped forward and gathered him into her arms, tightly embracing him into a bone crushing hug.

"We all love you very much, Allen, so lean on us a little more, would ya?" Lavi grinned, also hugging him.

Before Allen knew it, they were all squishing him into a giant group hug, people like Marie and Miranda and Bookman all included!

Lenalee cleared her throat loudly again, and Allen noticed that Kanda was the only person not in the hug.

"Come on, Yuu," Lavi sang. "Too prideful and embarrassed to join in on a group hug?" He openly mocked.

Is Lavi still drunk from drinking earlier when the party was more of a Christmas thing than a birthday party? The answer is uncertain.

The samurai let a vein pop in his forehead as he snarled, pushing through the group and right into the middle to chop off Lavi's head. However, he found himself squished right into Allen and away from Lavi when Komui pushed in to protect his dear sister from "man handlers."

Kanda stared awkwardly at the silver eyed Moyashi in front of him and Allen stared bashfully back.

Lenalee pursed her lips and glared at the samurai. "It's a hugging moment, Kanda. Hugging." She emphasized. "So put your arms around him."

Kanda made a disgusted face and awkwardly put his arms around the Moyashi's waist, tugging him closer to his body so that they were connected at the hip. Allen went baboon-butt red as he struggled not to pay attention to where BaKanda's knee was dangerously close to.

"I'm only doing this because that woman's been around me long enough to know how to annoy me more than Usagi to get what she wants." Kanda purred in Japanese, attempting to obscure his words from Lenalee by using another language and turning his head away.

Turning his head away meant burying it into the crook of Allen's shoulder.

"I understand." Allen murmured back after a moment of shock.

Kanda's voice took 'sexy purring' to a whole new level of desire when he spoke in his native tongue. His voice was deeper and smooth, almost like silk. It made the hair on the back on his next stand and a shiver scramble up his spine.

"It's not really a big deal, anyway." Allen murmured back in his second native tongue, trying to make Kanda more comfortable as people left the hug little by little.

Kanda remained silent but removed his arms, slowly unwinding them from around the whitette's waist.

Allen couldn't help but mourn the loss and feel alarm at his own feelings.

Soon enough, the silverette was set free and able to breathe again in the new air. He went around eating to make Jerryy happy and entertaining anyone who stopped him while he wandered around. Eventually, it returned to being the Christmas party it was an hour or so before he left to the training room. His friends returned to being the drunks they were before magically becoming sober enough to congratulate him so sweetly.

The exhausted silverette escaped to the sanctuary of his own room, the door being left wide open as he rushed inside. He felt the desperate urge to see the painting he had representing Mana hanging in his room. The one with a grinning and chained clown carrying a heavy box. Behind the clown was a crescent moon, glowing an eerie yellow color, and he walked a path.

Allen put a hand to the painting looking up to it almost pleadingly. "I'm sorry I was so stupid, Mana. You probably would've scolded me every Christmas that had passed since you died if you were here to see me." Allen chuckled remorsefully. "You would've told me over and over again that I wasn't walking forward like I promised I would that night." He paused, not sure what else to say. "I... um... I think I found one, Mana. A real home. It took this long for it to sink in, and I was using the term so lightly every time, but I realize now..." Allen grinned as tears finally streamed down his cheeks. "I realize that I have a family and home, now."

"And even if becoming your 'Allen' was chosen for me, I'm glad it led me home."

End Chapter: Reflection of Myself

WOHOOOO! ALL DONE! I swear this is the longest one shot I have ever written but I wanted it to pack a real punch, you know? Do me a favor a review please? I'd like some feedback before I update again. Hopefully soon.

Next chapter: Furikaette Miruto; Who would've thought that time could pass by so slowly but so quickly at the same time? Before I knew it, my curse had spread down my arm, and I could no longer hide it.

See you soon~!

~Crescent T.